Tag Archives: self forgiveness

Day 305 – Thinking beyond practical stuff is a problem.

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One thing I realize is that allowing and accepting thoughts about a person to run unchecked/wild will soon bring about nasty outbursts. Granted people do terrible things to each other, but allowing that to entertain endless thinking/fantasy can soon bring about more trouble. I have found/experience this personally. Now if there is a ‘situation’ with a person, then better to have an on-the-spot conversation and try to sort things out, and writing it about it can really assist too. The last thing to do is just keep on thinking about that person what he/she said/did etc, etc. Because nowadays energies can quickly build up and lead to nasty situations. All that starts with ‘thinking’. Yes if there is a ‘situation’ with a person one has to think about the practical matters, how to sort things out, how to work it out etc, but allowing/accepting anything more than the practical thinking can lead to accumulation of mind-energies. Once that energy builds up, an outburst is only a matter of time. “Evil energy” will possess you, make you say/do crazy shit which you will regret later, so don’t’ be sorry later on might as well contain the thinking now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that thinking nowadays leads to accumulation and build up of energy and once the energy builds up, an outburst point is only moments away. In this I see/realize that I have the responsibility to contain/check my thinking through breathing and being here. The temptation to think, especially think nasty shit is always here, so it will take an effort on my part to ground myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in above and beyond practical thoughts/thinking and compromise my body, the substance, and not see/realize that I am building up, accumulating mind-energy for later explosion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that reason to think constantly is to keep a story alive in my head, to keep energy excitement alive, to keep a war alive in the head, to keep a fight/anger alive in the head, to keep the enemies alive in the head, in this I see/realize I am creating cartoon characters in my mind and keeping them alive by constantly thinking about them.

So I see that the solution is simply NOT to think, live breath by breath and ground myself here in this breath. Because once the thinking machine starts, there is no end, which can soon lead to fantasy where many more stories are created/re-created and mind-energy is really build up. To outburst is really simple from that point on. Each breath, no thoughts, just walk, breath by breath. Consider practical thoughts yes, but fancy stuff, no imagination, no storytelling, all that can nowadays really land self in trouble. So I am here, breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize “I like, I don’t’ like” is also of the mind, therefore when and as I see myself operating with “I like, I don’t like” principle, I stop, I breathe. In this I direct myself to see what is best for all, and what is common sense, instead of giving into the mind’s likes/dislikes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that ‘thoughts’ cannot give anything more than just energy in the mind, in this I see/realize that even thoughts are not real until I act upon them and create physical consequences for myself.

When and as I see myself thinking about a person constantly because there is a situation or an issue to sort out, I stop, I breathe and not allow myself participate in thinking shit about that person, because I see/realize soon it will lead to a nasty energy bursting out situation. Instead I direct myself to talk to them and sort things out.

When and as I see myself thinking shit about another, I stop, I breathe. When and as I see myself thinking in general without any practical direction, I stop, I breathe, because I realize just casual thinking is the trigger for energies to build up/accumulate which later can explore.

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Day 276: Self-Honesty is KEY to Self-Correction.

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Daily writing is a commitment, I mean they wouldn’t have named it ‘daily writing’ if it means write when you can or when you feel like it. That’s the thing about daily writing, it must be written daily, every day. Yesterday I wrote yesterday’s blog, but I couldn’t’ finish it, so today I finished it and now focusing on today’s blog, basically 1.5 blogs for today, not cool. I say write 1 per day, and write that 1 per day as a commitment to daily writing.

Another vital point I have to face in my daily writing is, what am I writing about? For whom am I writing this for? I mean am I writing this as a ‘journal’ for others to read, those are cool questions, if not properly understood I could end up deluding myself. First and foremost, this is self-writing; this is my own guideline I am setting for myself, by looking at my own points to sort them out. I mean, this blog in no way whatsoever a publication for others.

But then one could ask the question why do I even publish? Well, this is shared, yes, but not shared as a newspaper or something to get or keep the readers occupied. This is simply sharing my SHIT out, and by reading this if you find that you too have similar shit then, perhaps this might show you some tips for you to work on yourself, but this is MY GUIDELINE for me, and this will NOT BE YOUR guideline, not at all.

That’s an important reminder for myself that I am writing as self-writing. I am writing this for me, to sort my shit out. Because in the deep secret background of my mind there is a voice saying “do a good job so the readers will like your blog”. Now that’s the height of self-delusion, naming it ‘Journey to Life’ but really wanting attention from others. Sharing is cool, no doubt, but this is not about others, this writing is about ME. This is MY JOURNEY TO LIFE.

So that brings home a cool point. I must really dig deep into points, have to really see/examine in total self-honesty, and I must write things as a guideline for myself. How would I make quick little notes to remind things for myself? Just like that, this is a reminder to me, a guideline to me. Certainly this can assist others, that’s a bonus, but I am not a publication for others, this is self-writing, for self-correction, for self-change. I still care to produce a readable, clean, decent piece of writing every day, but the content is entirely about myself, my SHIT, done in complete self-honesty.

There is no point in deceiving myself. I would be wasting 7 years in doing so. Hence it’s vital I really see how I write, am I preaching? Who am I preaching to? Or am I writing to myself as a guideline?

A sincere, clear, clean through self-look at myself is what this journal is all about, otherwise I am only pretending here, am I pretending to correct myself here? Am I pretending to forgive myself here? Am I pretending to correct points? Am I trying to look like a cool destonian? I mean it’s obvious, honesty within self is absolutely paramount here, if any change to take place at all. No self-honesty, no change. Simple.

Showing off my change is a clear sign that I am not changing, just playing good old game with a new name. So again, my honestly within me, call it self-honesty, is vital here. Breathing is important in this regard, breathing to sort of verify within me what the fuck am I writing. Breathe, pause, write, and breathe, check-within as Anu would nicely put it.

I commit myself to breathe as I write so that I can verify/check to myself that I am not wondering into show-off land.  

I commit myself to look within as I write, to see the self-honesty of my expression, my guideline here. So that I won’t be deluding myself.

I commit myself look at the points in complete self-honesty, not just gloss over it, not just pick and chose the aspects of a point, rather to investigate in full honesty about a given point. Because I see I can ‘present’ a part of myself just to be cool, which is really not cool. It would self-delusion.

I commit myself to slow down, not rush, not write just to get a blog out, but rather slow down as in breathing, and then look a point for the day. In this I commit myself to be humble, not hard on myself, not judgmental, not fake, not crony, not pretending, no self-deluding.

I commit myself to realize that this self-writing process is a journey of self-correction and so there couldn’t be anything fake or bullshit in that, because bullshitting implies I am lying so clearly self-correction cannot even begin when there are LIES.

I commit myself to look at myself and actually dig things out, but self-honesty first.

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Day 248. Self-Forgiveness is not a Rite, Ritual, Prayer or a Mind job. It’s about taking Responsibility.

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Today, I had an interesting experience, I was for a moment started to think about some nasty shit, and sure enough a wave of anger arose within me, then seen that the very next moment, I quickly shifted my attention to breathing, started to breathe with awareness, viola, that angry wave just as quick it came up, it went down, its gone, no more anger. A moment of breath awareness has more power than mind contents like anger or rage. This is a cool confirmation and experience for me, as I rarely was ever able to stop anger/rage in a moment’s notice, usually they will live their full course creating havoc for myself and others. fascinating stuff. This is something I am going to practice a lot more, instant application of breath awareness not allowing thoughts, emotions and feelings to take over. However this doesn’t mean to ignore or suppress what comes up, the issues must be looked at, worked on, it just don’t get caught in the energy wave of emotions/thoughts/feelings. For more support on mind see the desteni.org website.

Also, today I read a cool blog about Self-Forgiveness, a very powerful explanation on how to effectively use self-forgiveness without using it as a tool to blame, basically self-forgiveness is about taking self-responsibility for the patterns we live, and then taking responsibility to correct/stop these patterns, never ever about blaming or scolding others through self-forgiveness. Self-realization statements are written out as self see/realize how self lived these patterns and its consequential outflows. The example given is very cool so please check it out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in writing self-forgiveness I am investigating/looking at patterns that I am living and taking responsibility for the patterns so that I can correct/stop them. in this I see/realize self-forgiveness is a process of taking self-responsibility. In this I see/realize that I must very specifically write out how I live a given point and how I plan to correct the given point. It’s important to get into details of a point, as they say the devil is in the details.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in writing self-forgiveness I am writing for myself, so that I can take self-responsibility for myself to correct a specific point in all its details, certainly writing self-forgiveness is not a show-tell job, as I see/realize how I have done it in the past. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize writing self-forgiveness is an intimate act of self-investigation, therefore self-honesty, a clear, sincere, honest look at self is the key. Any dishonesty would instantly invalidate the self-forgiveness process, I mean what’s the point. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when writing self-forgiveness I must breathe and be here, not allowing the mind to write the self-forgiveness, so to make sure that I as the Beingness of me is the directive principle in the writing act.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, rushing to get self-forgiveness done is useless, I mean why am I rushing for? is this some sort of a prayer, a religious ritual, or a rite, to get it done?  I see/realize the importance of breathing and seen a point in all its shapes and shades in self-honesty, and in that taking responsibility to correct myself is the key, so rushing is useless. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when writing self-forgiveness I have to look at my patterns, patterns of behavior, patterns of thinking, patterns of emotions, patterns of what I have accepted and allowed, and write the corrective statements to stop the patterns accordingly. Self-forgiveness is never about other people, and certainly not about blaming. As that blog shows clearly, the question to ask then: what did I take responsibility for in writing this self-forgiveness? 

So here, I take self-responsibility to look at my patterns, not people or what they said or did, rather what is my response pattern, what is my thinking pattern, what is that I have accepted and allowed, the economic patterns etc etc etc. And in that I direct myself to breathe and stable myself as I write self-forgiveness to make sure that “I AM” writing the self-forgiveness, self-correction, and self-realizations, to make sure the mind won’t hijack it.

Glad, I caught myself on this point on day 248.

When and as I write self-forgiveness, I stop and I breathe to stable myself, not allowing the mind to rush through the forgiveness process so to get it done for the day quickly. Instead I slow down, allowing myself to see/realize and understand a given point in all its details, not allowing myself to rush through them. (I recall Anu did an interview about this very point, where he mentioned to breathe and check within the chest-area so to speak, meaning, let the BEINGness be part of the writing, not allowing the mind to do the writing as such. But I forgot exactly which interview was that.).

So this is a cool point for me to see that I must really check-within through breathing as I write self-forgiveness because the mind can sneak through and jeopardize the writing process. When and as I see myself rushing to get the blog done, to get the self-forgiveness done, I STOP, I breathe, and let myself be stable, and I allow myself to see the point in its entirety and then I go about writing the patterns that I have accepted and allowed, and accordingly taking responsibility to correct the patterns.

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Day 231 – First, Breathe to Change the World.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize breathing is the key to slow myself down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize breathing and not thinking will assist me to slow myself down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize as mind rages through desires, wants, fears, expectations, regrets, disappointments, frustrations, worries, anxieties, what-ifs, I see/realize/ breathing is a self-support to stop the mind consciousness system from activating patterns and personalities. As I see/realize my thoughts are not mine but are produced/placed by the mind consciousness system so that I be and remain its slave.

And what if somebody/something like the mind conscious system is placing all sorts of thoughts, emotions, feelings in my mind and then I start to dance like a robot based on those thoughts/emotions/feelings, then what is there to say about me? Am I here at all? am I a directive force at all? or just a robot taking in the placed thoughts/emotions/feelings and creating hell for myself and others.

I have to accept one simple fact that I didn’t create these thoughts in such exact design, but I did follow them thought by thought. So I see/realize it is my responsibility to STOP the following of thoughts though I cannot stop the creation of thought itself. I mean all kinds of shit come to my mind, which I have allowed/accepted and participated so I follow them and become my thoughts.

So I direct myself to breathe and NOT follow the thoughts but see them for what they are, I can no longer be its slave.  Mind is energy, and its survival is controlled by the Mind Conscious system, which basically makes me a ROBOT. Therefore I see the responsiblity to breathe and remain here, because the alternative is to fully listen/follow the thoughts and allow the creation of more mind energy which can snap like a ripe volcano erupting into destruction for self and others.  And the mind conscious system will use anything and everything to activate thoughts/emotions/feelings to feed the mind with energy.

Therefore there are no half way solution to this problem, I must stand as the breath, as the pure life essence that I am by simply breathing, not allowing, participating in ANY thoughts/emotion/feeling because they are control tools to enslave me.

When and as I see myself to thinking, feeling, full of emotions, I stop, I breathe realizing that mind conscious system control activation is now in full control, and I have effectively become a dangerous slave robot who could snap anytime. So I realize it is my responsibility to STOP and breathe. This also means watching desires, wants, needs, angers, remorse, regrets, fears, worries, sadness, moods, laziness, and panic all that stuff must be observed and watch for, because they are trigger points for MCS activation to enslave me.

Therefore I see/realize breathing is the key. It stops the mind. however I realize as thoughts come up in the mind I must support myself to write about them in specific details, do self-forgiveness and self-correct in addition to breathing. Here breathing is moment by moment, in fact every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I must investigate all things that come up in my mind in detail writing and must forgive and correct. Otherwise they linger around and around growing ever expanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my thought patterns, emotional patterns in detail writing, not realizing writing is the way to lay them down and let go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize system control is extensive and its entire purpose is to waste me and enslave me to feed energy to my mind. All the while I remain a robot, a useless human who will do nothing to change this abusive world but only will feed the mind. This unacceptable. I see/realize I must breathe, write, self-forgive, correct and STOP the mind, and direct myself investigate/study the world situation. Clearly we cannot accept and allow the world money system to continue with its abuse, the planet is being killed by humanity, while I kill myself by giving into my mind/thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I realize the massive responsibility in being a human, it is to breathe, and STOP the mind so we can correct this bloody world. Not just be a robot who feeds the mind and therefore the world money system. Mind conscious system control is so extensive therefore Breathing every breath is the key to change self and then to change the world.

What’s the alternative? lets all remain robots, enslaved humans feeding our minds and thereby allowing the world money system to continue as-is, as nobody will question what’s happening out there, all too busy within their own mind worlds.

So first step breathe as self support to change this bloody hellish world.

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Day 164 – Thinking is self-gluttony which starts with ONE thought.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can ‘think my way’ through it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, thinking will not get me there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, giving me the luxury to think even one thought can lead me to a mind possession which may have 100s of compounding thoughts, but all started with ONE thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, just that ONE thought is the key point which activates a mind possession and therefore potential consequences to me and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, engaging in that ONE thought to be nasty/mean/spiteful/bitter/angry/hateful/jealous/doubt can unfold a whole nightmare and it can last for hours if not for days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, ONE thought can lead to disaster.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, if I am unable to stop that ONE thought, it’s mere wishful thinking to believe that I can stop a mind possession hours later, therefore I see/realize/understand indulgence in that ONE thought is the key point to take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, thinking nasty/mean/spiteful/bitter/jealous/angry/anxious shit about others is actually indulgence, is like having a feast of self-gluttony at the cost of harming and hurt self and others through my thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, ONE thought started it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize with ONE thought I am giving myself the permission to indulge and consume my physical substance for the joy of my mind. This is real self-torture that is invisible to the naked eye.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize with ONE thought I am giving permission to decay my whole body because that is what happens when the mind consumes the physical substance.

So I stop, I breathe. When and as I see myself starting the first gear, that first ONE thought, I stop, I breathe, I support myself with something physical and get myself out of potential self-gluttony which may feel good at first, but soon disaster/consequences will follow. So I stop, I breathe, I remain here.

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Day 155 – Stop tendency to complain with Breathing.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak in a tone that is filled with self-pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start the day with a tone of pity, seeking to complain and blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the idea that I am ‘not a morning person’ and therefore its ok for me to just whine and mourn in the mornings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the energy in the mind, and allow myself to whine and blame in a tone of self pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the idea that I need an energy boast from others in the mornings in the form of attention and care, and they must listen to my whinings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from others and thereby give power to others whose attention and listening ear I crave so much, so that I can release my self-pity onto them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from everything and that is why I allow me to blame and complain about things, not realizing I am equal and one to all those stuff I complain about it, I am part of it, I am it, I am them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from people and giving them the power to ‘heal me’ while I complain and blame in self pity tone. within this I forgive me for not realizing, I am here as physical, I am here as breath, breathing is my self support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe, I see/realize/understand, complaining sucks, I see that within breathing effectively as self support I can cut down and stop the complaining mood in the mornings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize, each breath used to complain is a waste, instead I support myself to breathe effectively and use my time effectively, to read, write and birth myself as life.

When and as I see myself stepping into complaining and whining mood, I see that I have allowed an energy/mind pattern to kick-in, in this I stop, I breathe, I support myself to engage in some physical activity and avoid the accumulation of mind energy, and self pity. I direct myself to support myself to start reading blogs in the mornings as a first thing, instead of starting a conversation where complain and whining are prominent within me. I stop, I breathe.

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Day 133 – Re-committing myself to read ‘Journey to Life’ blogs Daily.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, reading Journey to Life (JTL) blogs is an important part of the process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, reading JTL blogs assist me immensely, within this I forgive me for allowing to skip the reading part on a regular basis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, as a minimum I must commit myself to read at least 5 JTL blogs daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, just as daily writing, the reading part of the JTL process is equally important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, in reading various JTL blogs, I expand my understanding and walk those same points just as the original author, equal and one. It is as if I wrote them myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into mind/emotional possessions and not direct myself to read JTL blogs instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give equal consideration/time for writing and reading of JTL blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, this is both an individual and group process, therefore reading the blogs of others assist in understanding each other, therefore I see/realize/understand that reading JTL blogs is a vital part in the group process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not participating fully in reading of JTL blogs as much as I could instead simply reading the bare minimum or sometimes none.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think/fear that I am missing out a whole lot and then go into kind of ‘falling behind’ feeling when I don’t read JTL blogs that much. within this I forgive me for entertaining feelings when I don’t read JTL blogs, instead of simply directing myself to READ them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am ‘falling behind’ or ‘missing out’ or ‘behind the process’ whenever I don’t read as much as JTL blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, reading JTL blogs is an important step in the process, its part of ‘walking together’, within this I forgive me for not realizing, that when I read JTL blogs, it gives me a chance to open up my own related points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I need to plan my time, with to-do lists etc, more carefully/effectively to manage my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, this is ONE LIFE to live, therefore I must direct myself to read/write JTL blogs, and fully participate in DIP activities, so that I may birth myself as life through the physical within this ONE LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my participation within the desteni-i-process, or Journey to Life process is not just about me, it has large consequences therefore I see/realize/understand it is my responsibility to fully participate to walk this process in this ONE LIFE that I have got. Why waste this ONE LIFE?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, this very earth and human existence is at state of decay thanks to man’s greed, therefore I see/realize/understand, to bring about any substantial change, I must change myself, within this I forgive me for not realizing, reading JTL blogs daily is a vital step of that self-change journey.

I see/realize/understand, I am here, the daily JTL blogs are here, ready and available, so I clearly see I must direct myself to read them, at least meet the reading minimum of 5 JTL blogs daily.

When and as I see myself giving excuses for NOT reading JTL blogs, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to read a blog, and continue on.

When and as I see myself avoiding reading of JTL blogs, I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself to read a blog, and continue on. I see/realize/understand, the only way to tackle this lazy problem is to just READ the blogs.

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Day 104 – Death by Sweet Smile: Energy experiences deplete Physical Substance to slow death.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘like and love’ when pretty girls smile with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am having an energetic experience within me as they smile with me. It is my energy movement within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like when people smile with me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, it is not the smile I like, but the energy experience I am having within me that I am enjoying. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, any energy experience within me is consuming my physical substance. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my energy experiences within me are causing my physical to slowly but surely to deplete, I am allowing substance to be consumed for energy experiences. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, smiles similar to anger are  causing energy experiences within me: energy polarity experiences, happy with smiles and upset with anger. in this I forgive myself for not realizing, both are my reactions and energy experiences within me which I accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am not addicted to love, or smiles, but for the energy it triggers within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am addicted to highs and lows within me, energy highs and lows, causing physical depletion within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am participating in energy games while I seek smiles from others. Because the smile gives me an energy high. Oh that smile makes me feel so good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, all energy experiences within me are depleting substance within the physical body. Its torture for the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize,  smiles, anger, thinking, worry, anxiety, jealousy, love, fear, hate, all are energy games within me, causing bodily harms. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, breathing cuts the energy game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, breathing returns the substance to physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, any form of energy experience, good/bad, are equally harmful for the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, ending/stopping the energy games within me is a great self-responsibility, which will aid in birthing self as life through the physical and thereby birthing heaven on earth.

Hence, I commit myself to be aware of my energy experiences within, so when and as I see myself having an energy experience within me, I STOP, I breathe. I see/realize/understand, everyone loves a sweet smile, but the consequential energy experience within is depleting the body/physical. As all energy experiences will consume the physical/substance to manifest itself as energy. I mean where does that sweet/anger energy comes from? from the transformation of physical substance into and as energy, its a slow but sure death.

When and as I see myself having any form of energy experience within me due to sweet smiles, I stop, I breathe, realizing that I am ending this energy addictive game within me forever more. I am returning substance to physical, not letting it be consumed/transformed into energy. I direct myself to breathe, be here, and give and receive a smile without any energy highs or lows, just smile as physical.

For more context on how energy, substance and physical depletion works, please read the heaven’s journey to life blog.

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Day 101 – To change, I need discipline and hard work. Can’t hope God to change me magically.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, within the day, I have many things to get done, hence wasting time is not acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I have many blogs to read and one to write, in addition to all the other physical/living activities,  all of which requires time, therefore, wasting time is not acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, starting my day late in the morning is an issue I have not faced or corrected properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I must actively participate in the living of my life, not just wandering around and waste away my time. in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am wasting away my life too, by wasting away even a minute.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my process to birth myself as life will take time, effort and consistent application of myself. therefore I see/realize/understand, that I must read, write, self-forgive, self-correct, and walk the correction into the physical,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I can change within a breath, within a moment, therefore I see/realize and understand that every breath is the key. I see however this process is time bound, but actual changes can manifest within one breath as a result of accumulation of self-application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that I must be highly time efficient as if time efficiency alone will birth me as life through the physical, so I forgive myself for believing that putting the time will change, not so, not that easy, though time is required but changes come within one breath as a result of consistent accumulation. So I see/realize/understand, every breath is the key, not hours, minutes or days I put into the process, it is in this breath, what I accept and allow will set the course for my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize every breath is a chance to cut the mind, and be here as a physical being, no mind, thoughts, no movements, no feelings, no emotions, just me here, breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize that the desteni-i-process requires effort, application and time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that self-change requires time, effort, dedication, and regular commitment, in this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone till the last minute to finish the assignment work for desteni-i-process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize every breath, every bite, every step, every word of typing, every word speaking, everything I do is process work, meaning, everything I do is a chance to self-change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize while I structure my day to get various things done, my real change happens breath by breath, its in every breath, in every step, I have the chance to change myself from mind to life.

Who am I in every breath is the question.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my life is my process, therefore who am I is the question to ask every breath, am I characters pretending to be life? am I in fear pretending to be life? am I standing for what is best for all? am I considering all and everything as one and equal as life as me? am I communicating directly? am I existing in the past? am I living in the past by bringing the characters of the past into this present moment? am I compromising myself to satisfy some desire?

I see/realize/understand, I must direct myself in every breath, to this process, to check the mind/ego, to stand for what is best for all, to effectively use the space/time to get things done, to finish assignments, house work, physical activities, walking, job, so that I can effectively use available space/time to my process to birth myself as life through the physical.

I commit myself not to postpone and build up anxiety. because I realize to get this done, I must apply myself, it is an accumulation of self application,

I commit myself to breathe with a hold/pause in place, so to cut the movie within my mind.

I commit myself to realize that I must read many JTL blogs daily, as I see/realize/understand, self-application/effort in this is required, as self-change wont’ just come by the magic of God. I must work at it.

When and as I see myself procrastinating, or postponing, I STOP, I get my ass out of the gut, I breathe, and I direct myself to do what is best for all.

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Day 91 – Long distance driving is a chance to practice 4 count breathing.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the time I sit behind wheels is a perfect time to practice 4 count breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the reason I am tired from driving is because I wasted the time on the road listening to endless music and daydreaming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I was escaping the drive by wondering into daydreaming and listening to music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize while I am seated for 4-5 hours on the road driving, it is a perfect time to practice 4 count breathing and simply been here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I wasted the drive today simply listening to endless music and daydreaming because I wanted to escape into mind reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize this Journey To Life process is not a part time job, rather, it requires applying myself in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize JTL is about stopping the mind, therefore it must be done so every breath, in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize JTL is not like going to the gym, or yoga classes, where application of myself can be time to time, 3 times a week, 4 times a week etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize JTL is an application that requires every breath, every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize there are no breaks/time-offs in JTL, there are no ‘OK take a break now’ etc. JTL is an application of every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize every moment, every breath, every situation, every drive, every coffee time, every conversation, every shower, every meal, every walk, every sleep, every sex act, every visit to the toilet, is a chance to apply myself in JTL. in this I forgive me for not realizing, there is no time for not applying myself for JTL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put on or off the JTL hat, like wearing a summer hat, whereby I apply myself sometimes and not other times. in this I forgive myself for not realizing, JTL is a moment by moment, every breath application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize even at work, doing my job, conversing with co-workers, trying get things done, are all chances to apply myself in JTL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is never a moment to not apply myself in JTL process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize this JTL process is about me stopping my mind, therefore every waking moment, and every sleeping moment, is a chance to STOP my mnd.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize driving times, especially long distance driving is a chance to practice 4 count breathing to really slow myself down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that stopping the mind and birthing myself as life through the physical is the primary responsibility for everyone, otherwise life here is just wasted in living for the mind and its desires.

So I commit myself to direct myself to practice 4 count breathing while driving.

I commit myself to practice the 4 count breathing every time I sit behind the wheels, in this I commit myself to stop listening to endless music for hours and hours while on the road.

I commit myself to practice 4 count breathing daily, as I realize/see/understand, the practicing of 4 count breathing is essential, as a training tool, to establish myself here.

When and as I sit behind the wheels, I direct myself to practice 4 count breathing throughout the trip, I see/realize/understand, that training is required, practice is required, and therefore I stop the hesitation and direct myself to breathe with 4 counts every time I sit behind wheels.

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