Day 286 – Breathing is Life, Thinking is not.

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Con of consciousness continues. My thoughts, emotions, and feelings are not mine, isn’t that a shock or what. They are projected unto my mind so that I will like a blind fool follow them, get engage in them, think/feel more and more about them, in that generating, creating, a whole lot of energy for the consciousness/mind/heavens etc. (The heaven part I take it back, because now no longer the mind energy is routed to the heaven’s as it was before, now, its INVERTED for the self/mind/body, meaning, now more I think, more shit/consequence for me to face).

I have been a thinking machine for all my life, just thinking and thinking, there has been no rest in that area. And feelings/emotions yes tons of them, often you will find me in a state of moodiness, even during sun sunny beaches I will find something to be moody about, it seems my very nature to be some sort of an energy possessed, energy consuming moody freak. Consciousness must love me so much for feeding it, all this time.

But never once I took a break from this, and now I have the chance. Because I see/realize and understand, there is a parasite exist within me, as me, it’s called the consciousness/mind, and it’s part of the original design of things, original design of the existence/humanity/heaven and what not. My job is to provide energy for higher up for their survival and sustenance.

Emotions/feelings/thinking/sexual stuff really feed the mind/consciousness. Anger, rage, hate, spite, revenge, bitterness are more than welcome too. Mind loves emotional turmoil, inner battles, inner conflicts, inner terror, fears, all that. The more the shit, the better it is. That’s the name of the game, give me more shit, I will love you for it. And I have been happily cooperating with the consciousness on these matters for long, meaning, I have been giving/sacrificing my physical body for it happily, ignorantly.

Now I have the responsibility to stop the madness. Relationship blues are great source of emotional feeds for the mind, I mean all that terror goes within relationships can generate loads to emotional energy for the mind/consciousness, awesome stuff.

But what a life to live, just living to thinking/feel/ and produce EMOTIONAL ENERGY for a parasite to survive.  People don’t’ know these kind of stuff, but I have been fortunate to learn theses from desteni, and it is my experience too, to see/realize/understand for myself what a difference it makes to STOP the mind/thoughts/emotions/feelings for a while.

Or I can be of great service provider for CON of Consciousness and give myself, my body, my substance to it, and then die away, be a great martyr. My life is so cheap; at least that’s how I am treating it, just wasting it away in THINKING/FEELING shit.

Am I living? Am I here? Am I breathing? Am I really HERE,  Am I sacrificing my body? Am I a martyr? What a shitty way to live. It’s like slow death I am willingly embracing onto myself.

I was born into this world, a baby, a child, a teen, and now an adult. I was a fetus once too, growing slowing but surely and gently became a full blow baby, with hands, legs, head, and what not, and I was born. That was a long time ago. But what have I done with my life? I am just living to die; just willingly committing slow suicide, thought by thought, emotion by emotions I walk a death walk. My birth, my growth, my childhood, all the efforts people put into raising me, is useless because what have I become? An energy providing machine for the consciousness unwilling to live even a moment HERE in and as breath.

I have wasted my life enough. It’s time to LIVE. It’s time to stop the imagination, it’s time to STOP the imaginary fears, it’s time to stop engaging in mental revenge, it’s time to stop fantasizing sexually, it’s time to pause, its time breathe, really, it’s time to breathe so that I will stop the CON of consciousness. Before it eats me up alive

I have had enough of self-imposed suffering, oh man. I have fucked myself to so nicely for so long. So I either STOP now or just rot away my remaining years and just die away, silently, just like how I constantly think silently.

I see/realize my life is just too precious to waste it away. I mean what a torture I am doing to myself. What a terrible thing I am doing to myself. Knowing well, understanding well, I am still torturing myself by thoughts/emotions/ feelings.

It’s all about attachment to ENERGY. That’s the thrill of energy. That sexual high, that egoic high comes from anger, I mean there is a lot of high in power, the power to fucking abuse another human being. I have done a good job at that, showing my anger, without ever holding it back with breathing.

I breathe, as I see/realize/understand, as long as I give the consciousness a free run, me changing my life in this one lifetime is pretty remote. What’s the point of even living if I can’t direct myself to change myself?

So here is a great direction, a purpose, a goal, an ambition in my life. That’s to stop the CON of consciousness from killing me, with my approval.

For this, my first order of action is to breathe, yes breathe EFFECTIVELY.

I direct myself to over and over again to see/realize and return to breathing. Because I see that without breathing I am giving consciousness a free reign. I am basically telling consciousness to take it over and kill me slowly but surely.

So I pause, I see/realize/understand that my whole life has been a waste, a total waste because I have been nothing but an energy provider for consciousness and the mind. I have been nothing but a slave.

And now with the mind/energy being inverted things can only get worse, for me. I have to face me, on my face, deal with my shit on my face. And it’s already happening.

So here I am, still alive, still breathing, so I have the chance, to correct myself, to make a U-turn in my life, and be a LIVING force not just a slave to the mind.

I direct myself to breathe, really engage myself to breathe effectively, because I see this is the most important self-care I can give to me. Breathe effectively.

I breathe, breath by breath, each breath is a chance to ground myself here, and there is no need to engage in the mind/thoughts/emotions and feelings. Yes I can think about practical stuff when needed, but not as a reason to live.

So what’s my game plan, what is my self-corrective script, so when and as I see myself gone/lost in the mind, I immediately bring myself back here, into breathing, without any self-judgment or remorse, or anger, simply returning to breath again and again and again. I see the more I return the more I will return and it will only get easier.

Breath is life, not thinking. This is my gift to myself, I embrace myself, I care for myself, I look into myself, just by breathing effectively, breathing fully, stop participation in the mind/thought/emotions/feelings. HERE is my anchor. My body is my anchor. My body is my ground, where I anchor myself in and as breathing.

This is a decision as much as a process, but I see I will need self-effort, a force to ground in this plan. I cannot just ‘let it happen’ , I have to make it happen.

Apparently there is great merit in stopping the mind, in silence, in being here, because when the mind is ‘gone’, the problem will be no more. Mind is the problem, you see.

So this is my new self-directed project, to walk myself into HERE, into breath by breathing fully.

I wasted my life enough, death will be too late, so now is the time to breathe and ground myself here.

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Day 283 – At Death Breathing Stops. So Breathe with Awareness.

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I have to breathe with awareness; this is a point I have to return again and again, I mean, breathing with awareness is a basic step in birthing myself as LIFE through the physical. The breath is here, its available right here, right now, no time is needed, as I am breathing right this moment. So grounding myself in this in-breath and out-breath is the key. I mean without grounding myself here in this breath, I would only be manipulating myself. There is no way out of this breath, I have to face and direct this breath. And that is possible only when breathing with awareness. Just shallow breathing is not cool, because shallow breath will not stop the MOVIE in the mind. I am breathing.

Not breathing with awareness would also mean living a life of a movie, a running movie we call it LIFE, but really it’s a movie, thoughts, emotions, feelings, ideas, photos, pictures, memories, fears, hurts, angers, projections, blame, mind characters and all that exist because I am NOT breathing here with awareness.

Breathing is a moment of self-intimacy, when done with awareness. I mean it requires self-application, it requires stepping outside the thinking box, the pre-programmed BOX, called the mind. So easy to live the in the box, so EASY to follow the mind, the box, no wonder they say ‘think outside of the box’. It’s about thinking with BREATHING, and expanding awareness.

I am awareness, I am breathing, but am I aware of the whole breath? Am I aware of the in-breath, and the out-breath; am I holding the breath for a second or two for that infinite moment? That holding point is cool, because it really assists in cutting the stream of thoughts, the MOVIE. Otherwise just non-stop continuous stream of thoughts running like a river, endless, unceasing, even in sleep I am thinking.

I don’t remember any thoughts from yesterday, or the day before, last weekend, last month, last year, last decade, nope, I don’t’ remember a thing, but I know one thing, that I WAS THINKING for sure during those times endlessly. I mean I have been thinking every living moment of my life so far. What a shame. Never took a break from thinking. That’s why breathing with awareness and putting that 1-2 second pause is cool, vital breaks in the movie. Pausing at the both ends of the breath is bit challenging, but wow, what a way to STOP the movie, the mind. At least 1 pause must be applied, in-breath, pause, let go.

What is life: Set of breaths. I wonder if the number of breaths in a life could be counted, let me do a small math here: from Google I see on average 20 breaths per minute. So; 20 x 60 x 24 x 365 x 80, that’s the number of breaths on average for 80 years of living, some 780+ million breaths a lifetime. BUT NOT a single breath was taken with AWARENESS, it is completely an AUTOMATIC mindless job, wow, what a waste.

And what happens during those AUTOMATIC breathing? I simply get lost in the mind, gone somewhere, thoughts, emotions, feelings, ideas, fears, worries ,anxieties, lust, greed, anger, jealousy, suspicious, doubt, hate, rage, desires, wants, needs, competition, laziness, lethargy, depression occupies the mind, and it would take only ONE breath to ACT out on some stupid instant mad craziness which could even lead to murder. See everything happens in ONE breath, explosion of accumulated mind energy happens in ONE breath. That’s why breathing with awareness is the KEY.

What a waste to just breathe automatically and be unaware of every single breath, and in that let the body get consumed by the mind. Yes that’s what happening during thinking, the mind consumes the physical BODY, the substance. So it’s a slow death coming with each automatic breathing/thinking.

So living with awareness is a key, and that starts with Breathing, breathe with awareness. I direct myself to pause after each in-breath, because I see/realize it will assist me in stopping the mind movie, and it will assist me in establishing stability and expanding my awareness. Yes this is a key challenge for me, to PAUSE after each in-breath, I mean for sure, that will slow down the automation. I direct myself to breathe with awareness, by pausing at the end of each in-breath. I see/realize otherwise the mind MOVIE will start, with pictures, thoughts, emotions, feelings ever ready to jump in and take the center stage within my mind, so the mind can feed of my physical body.

Take one breath with awareness, see the difference. I am here, I am intimate with myself, I am aware of myself, I can see HERE, I can see thoughts are looking jump in, emotions are looking jump in, same with feelings. At last, I have the realization, I am HERE in this moment, at least in this one moment of breathing.

I commit myself to pause at the end of each in-breath. I commit myself to pause/HOLD the breath because I see/realize that will assist me in STOPPING the MOVIE in the mind, where I am just a clown/character/joker until the show ends at death, and then I am no more.

I commit myself to slow down, I commit myself to realize that this breathing act is absolutely vital to do with awareness, otherwise I am just wasting away remaining millions of breath, then one fine moment, all is GONE, OVER, as death stops the breath. It’s like a bank account of breaths, as I keep withdrawing, the deposit is shrinking, common sense. Someday soon none will be left, DEATH will be HERE. And then what? Having listened to so many life-reviewer interviews I know, death is not a welcoming thing, better to LIVE and get the job done here. I am here now, I am alive, so might as well breathe with AWARENESS, and direct myself to self-change and world-change.

No change is ever possible without BREATHING with awareness. That’s the basic starting point: The breath: I breathe.

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Day 282 – Breathing with Awareness is Radical Living.

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Radical living is living breath by breath and NOT missing even a single breath. Because missing a breath would mean I not here, I am gone somewhere, gone into the imaginary land of the mind. I mean where else could I be if not here? The mind is a land of many things can easily get lost there, so it is key to RADICALLY live here, as breath-by-breath and NOT miss even a breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize NOT living here breath by breath would mean I am gone/lost somewhere in the head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize even missing a single breath means I am GONE/LOST in the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when I miss a breath I land myself in the MOVIE called LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize this is within my ability to LIVE here in and as each breath, without missing a single breath, and in this I see/realize that missing even a single breath is dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize every breath offers the chance to LIVE here, to cut down the movie, to stop the characters of the mind, and actually LIVE here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize missing even a single breath is me deliberately allowing myself to participate in the MOVIE, and to live as characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when I miss a breath, a moment, I am NOT here, as I am GONE/LOST somewhere, participating in the MOVIE/characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize breathing each breath with awareness is self-intimate, is self-caring, is LIVING, and is in fact RADICAL LIVING.

I direct myself to breathe, live breath-by-breath, I direct myself to check within myself to see if I am deceiving myself by going into the mind, by participating in the mind-movie/characters. So I stop I breathe, and I direct myself to check every breath, Where AM I?  Am I Here or GONE? Am I Here or LOST? I breathe.

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Day 264 – Return to Breathing again and again to stop Landmines in the mind.

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Again, I return to the point of breathing, because I see that until I establish myself effectively in breathing, things can only look gloom. I mean, so many nasty thoughts/emotions and feelings shoot up in my head, so giving into any of them will compound issues and will deplete the body.

Breathing is power, it’s the power of me, power of self, giving myself the power, instead of having the mind be the master/power source, because it is clear now mind doesn’t have my best interest at its heart, that’s cool, my mind doesn’t have my best interest at its heart (so here I see how I separate myself from my mind). I am my mind. so mind is the power, not me as the Being-ness of me.

So here I am, seen/realizing that not allowing even one thought is crucial, I mean, one thought can easily compound and pile on things, moments later I will be drowning in a sea of thoughts and emotions/feelings, all that starts with ONE thought. And seen pictures can easily trigger thoughts in the head. Today I saw a nice photo of this hindi actress, wow, that’s it my head was filled with all sorts of thoughts. At the same its a cool moment, because immediately saw that I can return to breathing and can simply stop the self-abuse. I think I was some what successful in stopping it, I recall breathing, and grounding myself here in and as breathing. It takes effort, and bit of self-push to get that done

Mind can throw all kinds of shit, I mean, there is no shortage of things for the mind to come up with, it could be anything, bit like walking on a land full of landmines, mind can just throw unexpected stuff from nowhere, a sudden thought, a sudden feeling, a sudden picture, an old memory, an annoyance, anger, irritation, some botheration, something, anything, little stuff usually, then viola, I am on it, me the rider ride blissfully on the emotions/feelings/thoughts produced by the master mind.

So in breathing, return to breath, again and again. Today I saw this, when I spoke to PB, I got hit by some angry thoughts, good thing I didn’t let it compound, I kept on breathing, I mean, WTF, why even bother to waste my mind/thoughts/body on PB? That in itself is a waste, and top of that thinking which creates depletion/harm to the body.

So its double blow for me today, entertaining thoughts about PB was a complete waste,  wtf, am I creating a new mind-entity to occupy me. And then I am allowing the mind to deplete the body by thinking shit about PB.

So I stop, I breathe. When and as I see myself getting on and on within my mind, I see/realize that I have hit a landmine in my mind, so I stop, I breathe, realizing it doesn’t  mater what I am actually thinking about, because the VERY ACT OF THINKING in itself is the problem. I mean why the fuck am I thinking about PB anyways. fuck. so I stop, I breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, ‘thinking’ IS THE PROBLEM, not the actual issue that I am thinking about, therefore I see/realize the moment I hit a landmine in my mind, I direct myself to stop, and I breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the moment I see a picture/photo/image, I can see that my will start the engine of thinking, so I stop, I breathe realizing that ‘THINKING is the PROBLEM’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the moment I see that I am justifying, blaming, scolding, debating, INSIDE my mind, I stop, I breathe, in seen/realizing that I have hit a landmine in my mind.

So this is where I am at, work in progress, sort to speak, this is my work, really, to STOP my mind from taking over me. That whinny nagging screamy voice that I hear inside my head justifying blaming scolding people. This one single point is my workload until I really ground myself in STOPPING my mind from taking over me. I am the master, not my mind.

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Day 252 – The Power of Now is the Power of Here, and it is the Power of Breath/Breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder into past and future instead of living in the HERE NOW in and as the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to swing back and forth, past and future, instead of being here in the body in and as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I have allowed myself to swing like an energy ball between past and future through recalling and thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, no matter how much I think about the past or the future, it’s not going to make any difference, because thinking through energy is the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek energetic happy feelings by walking the past memories and future fantasies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek happy feelings by looking at past memories instead of being HERE as breath, in and as the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am never here, in this breath here, instead lost in the past or future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, past and future is not reality, as reality is only here as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, there is no happiness in walking the past or future. If anything, happiness is HERE, the only real place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, when I walk the past or future, I am merely swimming in happy energy lands, where no reality ever exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, past and future are lands of mind energy, no reality exist there, so I direct myself to breathe and be here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, past and future are like dream states, an imagination of things that happened or may happen. Therefore I see/realize living in imagination is useless and depleting to the human body. so I direct myself to breathe, and be HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the power of now is only real when it is the power of here, as in the power of breathing in and as the physical body.

When and as I see myself lost in the imaginations of the past and/or future, I STOP, and I breathe. I see/realize the Power of Now as in the Power of Here is the key, through breathing and breath awareness, in that grounding myself to Earth.

I stop, I breathe.

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Day 186 – Every breath is a new Life, if Allowed.

Self forgiveness means to lay the past at rest and live every breath as a new life.Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, not breathing here breath by breath is a root problem. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, when I am not breathing here breath by breath, I allow myself to wonder within my mind, therefore living in an alternative reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, when I am breathing here breath by breath, I am in fact here as physical, where the need for energy inputs slow down. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, when I am breathing here breath by breath, the urge for addictions, depression, anger, loneliness,  bitterness, worry, anxiety things like that will slow down, not dominate within my mind because I am within the physical body breathing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, when I am not breathing here breath by breath, my mind reality, the thinking/fantasy reality is the only alternative left. within this I see/realize/understand, the root cause/problem is not breathing here breath by breath, which gives into various addictions including thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am here afresh, anew, in each breath, but the addiction to think/fantasize keeps me stuck in the old self/mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, breath doesn’t have a past, only the mind does, so to end the past end the mind and live as the breath here. within this I forgive me to fear living as the breath, and wanting/desiring to live as the mind, to keep stuck in the thinking/fantasy world of imagination, worry, anxiety, past, and memories. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the reason for not breathing is energy addiction, to keep the mind alive by doing things to get energy from others, from places, events, shows, songs, cities, parties, all to get energy for myself so to keep the mind ALIVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, when I am not breathing, there is only one place to be, that is thinking/fantasy land. within this I see/realize/understand, I have always been living in fantasy, not in reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, breathing here breath by breath is the only way to live as LIFE, otherwise I am just a walking mind-zombie living endlessly in thinking and fantasy.

I commit myself to constantly check within myself, am I breathing as physical or am I in the mind? I realize this will require dedication, direction, as I am automated to just think away and never even bother to notice that I am lost in thinking.

I commit myself to breath, yes, breath, again and again, in that way I commit myself to stop the mind, whose endless apatite for energy is consuming my body and this earth.

I commit myself to engage in physical activities, as a self support to stay within the breath/breathing.

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Day 122 – Committing to Breathe with a Pause.

It does sound funny, isn`t it, committing to breathe: I commit myself to breathe because otherwise I see that my mind will simply walk into some emotional mind possessions and that`s it. Once in that emotional, feelings tsunami, its hard to come back till the consequences are faced in reality, so why bother to go thru hell when there is an easy way out: Hence I commit myself to breathe.

I commit myself to breathe, realizing that each breath is a gift, a new life.

I commit myself to breathe, realizing, that breath is the anchor to cut the ego.

I realize there is no way to cut the ego out, and breath is the only way.

I commit myself to breathe, be here as breath, taking each breath with 4 count or similar breathing method to interrupt the mind`s movie.

I commit myself to interrupt each breath with a pause.

I commit myself to interrupt each breath with a 1 or 2 seconds pause.

I commit myself to realize that not pausing at the in-breath will cause the mind to run wild.

I commit myself to take this seriously, that I must interrupt the in-breath, so that there is a pause between in and out breaths.

I commit myself to realize, not pausing each in-breath will slowly but surely open the gates to ego which is hell.

I realize it is so much fun to think about shit, think about how to hurt people, think about how to crush people, think about all the shit they did to me in the past etc, so why bother to stop thinking, when it is so much juicy and fun, well the simply answer: thinking is the road to hell made by ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, not pausing at each in breath is allowing the ego to enter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, not pausing at each in breath, is allowing the ego to take over deliberately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, not pausing at each in breath is like saying `come ego, take me over to hell`.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, not pausing at each in breath is like saying, `oh well who gives a fuck about birthing life through the physical`, hence I stop such nonsense, and I direct myself to pause at each in breath.

I commit myself to breathe with awareness.

I commit myself to breathe with a pause in place, a pause no matter what, no matter how juicy is the thinking story within the mind.

I commit myself to pause at each and every in-breath for 1 or 2 seconds, a deliberate pause, an interruption.

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Day 106 – Every breath matters, as death is approaching.

[Context: Missing one breath could mean death. If the body stop breathing even for just one breath, it could be the end. To stop the mind, not missing even a single breath is important. I see/realize, understand, Every breath matters]

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, every breath matters. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, it matters what I accept and allow within each breath. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, within one breath, hell could be self-manifested for self. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, in every breath I decide who I am and will be. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, in every single breath, I decide who I am, and what I will be. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize, murder happens in one single breath, therefore it can be prevented in one single breath. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, child abuse happens in one breath, murder happens in one breath, violence against children and women happens in one breath, in fact all atrocities happen in one breath, because accept and allow them in one breath. Meaning, in this breath, who I am is decided by me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, every breath matters. it decides my life, as I decide in each breath. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, in every breath, I permit myself to continue with my mind, therefore in every breath I have the power to STOP my mind, and be here as breath/breathing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am alive breath by breath, so who I am is a sequential manifestation of what I allow in each breath. I decide who I am in this breath, the next, the next and the next so on. I am the decider of who I am in each breath. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, in one breath there is the power to stop my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, birthing myself as life requires 100% commitment breath by breath, meaning, it’s not a part time job. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I need 100% commitment in every breath. No more part time participations. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, in every breath I must cut the mind and direct myself to birth me as life. This is not an on/off part time job, where Sunday I apply the tools and rest of the week I party. This process requires breath by breath application and dedication. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my time on earth is very precious, so put every breath into birthing self as life, not acceptable to waste away life in entertainment. 

When and as I see myself ‘relaxing’, ‘taking it easy’, I stop, I breathe, I see/realize/understand, birthing self as LIFE is not a part time job, therefore I direct myself in every breath to stand HERE as breath/breathing without letting the mind direct me. I see/realize/understand, this is my greatest responsibility to myself and to all as self, to stand Here without getting lost in the mind, in every breath.

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Day 9 – Breathing is the Best Emotional Painkiller.

Day 9: Journey to Life. Breathing is best during any emotional storms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get carried away with my mind’s emotional storms. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get carried away with another’s mind storms just like how i get carried away with my mind storms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see another’s mind storm just as that, a mind storm, just like mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not support another during their mind storms. while only liking them when they are all nice and jolly. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear another’s mind storms. because i fear i might react in kind to their mind storms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my mind storm or another’s mind storm, it is no different, just minds going crazy, that is all. Hence the only solution is breathing. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that awareness of this breath here can save mind storms, mind tsunamis, mind explosions, in fact any mind entity can be held at bay with breathing here as physical. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fail endless times just to remain as breath here, instead i have allowed myself to get carried away with mind entities and ride the wave of emotional disasters. 

I have abused myself enough with getting carried away with my own mind storms and another’s mind storms. 

When and as I see myself giving importance to my mind’s emotional fluctuations, I STOP it. I breathe. I realize my mind’s storms are just that emotional energy swings designed just to bring disasters, yet it is entirely upto me. So I direct myself to not participate in the mind during emotional turbulence. I simply breathe, I remain here.

When and as I see another going thru their mind’s storms, I realize and recognize their helplessness and offer my compassionate support by not reacting, by not judging, by not blaming back or scolding, I see I have done the very same thing too, therefore I offer them my support by me simply breathing here and not reacting whatsoever to their mind storms. When the storms settles, we can discuss, we can agree or disagree, but during the mind storms I simply remain as breath and not participate in the tennis game. After all there is only a game, if I hit the ball back. So I stop the game, by not participating in this abusive emotional game.

Just this one life to live. Its upto me what I make out of it. What has happened has already happened, I cannot undo today’s emotional tennis game, but there will be another day, another game, another time, another breathe, where I can stand here as breath.

I commit myself to breathe with self-awareness at all times, not giving into my mind’s chatbacks, backchats. I commit myself to remain here in the present moment as this physical breath here.

I commit myself to breathe here, this breath, and not bring out the past, or fears.

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Fear to Give up Thinking. Fear to Breathe – Day 2

 

Day 2: My Journey towards Life:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the simplicity of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘think’ that just breathing is nonsense and therefore useless. In that I forgive myself to believe that thinking is something I must do to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been a zombie while I just breathe here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to STOP thinking because I believe that to exist I must ‘think’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear just Been Here as breath, as me as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to think so that I can exist and to be alive. Meaning, to exist I must think, that is what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must think so that I can exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have never tried out the option of not thinking, have I ever just lived here without thinking?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conclude something as nonsense even without giving it a try with common sense. I mean I have never lived as just breath here, so how can I know about it?

I have wasted a good portion of my life in the head just thinking (mostly bullshit stuff of course), I realize that I have never really considered living as breath, I never gave this new approach a chance. I dont need to think, whenever I need to think practical stuff, yes the ability to think is there, “Tomorrow I must visit the dentist at 11:00 AM” is a practical thought, while “oh that dentist don’t like Indian people” is a story in the head, its a backchat, meaning its a preprogrammed thought arising within the predesignness of me.

So when and as I see myself ‘thinking’ I STOP. I breathe. I remain here. I realize I am dealing with the most fundamental problem with human mind, my mind, the insanity of thinking. When and as I think along the lines of desire, greed, selfishness, jealousy, anger, worry, anxiety, doubt, suspicion, hate, memory, revenge, what-ifs, fears, prejudice, shyness, etc, I STOP, I breathe. I realize those thoughts are coming from my resonant symbols, they are how I am programmed to think. I am designed to think in a certain way, the preprogrammed way.

So I end my slavery to predesign thinking, by simply stopping it. I breathe, I remain here. When and as I see myself riding on the train of thought, oh oh, I know, I don’t want to be on this train. I stop, I breathe. I remain here, as life is here. Yes if there is a practical concern, a need, a project, a situation, then I direct myself to think about it and get the job done. Thinking is a tool/ability, self-directed tool/ability,

Till here no further, I will no longer allow and accept myself to seek refuge in the joys of thinking.

Till here no further, I will no longer allow and accept myself to sit on the train of thoughts. I simply stop it. I am here, breathing, I direct myself to breathe and remain here.

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