Tag Archives: isolation

Day 450 – Conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I am in group settings that I must be the center of attention, I must be talking and talking and engaging in full action with everyone, sort of the center of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if people don’t like me, or don’t like to engage in conversations with me within social groups.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if ‘they’ don’t like me and within that I Forgive myself to form self-judgement that I am somehow not liked or likable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start conversations for the sake of having some conversations going, and within that feel as if people really don’t like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am having difficulty with social conversations in groups settings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes fall sleep within conversations in group settings, instead of fully participating while being here fully. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike the attention and conversations of some people in the group, and only seek the attention and conversation of the ‘big shorts’ and thereby go into ‘falling asleep attitude’ when conversing with so-called ‘not so big shorts’. in this its very clear I am conversing just to get that rush/attention/energy to myself, form of sucking energy from others, hence desiring only some people to talk to while disregarding others entirely, or sort of fall asleep while speaking to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the people who give me attention and who include me in their conversations, within this I forgive myself for creating the polarity within the group, desiring one part and ignoring the other part.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sort of fall asleep or show no interest when I am speaking to some people, while in the meantime keep on looking at others, the big shorts for their attention, so I can shine, and get more energy for myself. in this I forgive myself for not seen/realizing I am not here, in and as breath, I am only constantly seeking some energy from others, via conversations, in that ignoring some people and desiring some others, all within the principle of give me more energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bored to talk to people who shows likeness to chat with me, while craving the attention of those who ignore me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk for the sake of talking. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk for the sake of getting energy/attention from others, all to feel good within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a subtle sense of fear while I am in conversations with people, in that feel as if “they might just cut me off and disappear from the conversation”, within that I Forgive myself for keep on talking and talking endlessly so that the conversation may not end, and I will not feel lonely or left out after the conversation ended.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the only reason I am engaging in conversations is to keep me out of loneliness and to keep me out of boredom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that if I am here in and as breath/breathing then I can simply breath-by-breath participate in having a conversation with others, get to know them, understand them, share some commonsense with them, without needing any energy or attention from others, in this I see/realize to have an effective conversations I must be first self-stable, must breathe, must be here, relaxed, breathing, not in a hurry, not running away in my mind, not looking for ‘wow give me attention’ seeking great topics, or make ‘wow comments’ just to get the attention from others.

when and as I see myself ratting within myself during conversations with others, I stop, I breathe. because I see/realize rattling is a sign I am trying to get energy from others and that is my only purpose of chitchat.

when and as I see myself trying to grab the attention of others within group settings, I stop, I breathe.

when and as I see myself trying to be the center of attention within group settings, I stop, I breathe.

when and as I see myself making comments for the sake of making comments to get the attention, I stop, I breathe.

when and as I see myself talking for the sake of talking, I stop, I breathe,

when and as I see myself talking just to get attention from others, I stop, I breathe. when and as I see myself falling asleep within a conversation because I don’t give a fuck about those people, I stop, I breathe, and direct myself to breathe and be here, and talk to another as myself, talk to another as how I would others to talk to me. equal and one.

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Day 341 – Extreme Fear of being Left out. Its a Paranoia.

uglyExtreme fear of being left out. I have that fear for a very long time on various contexts. It would be a long list of Paranoias to list here.

Growing up in Sri-Lanka, my first encounter with ‘fear of being left out’ was within the ethnic/cultural context. I often feared the others, the majority kids won’t include me with them because I am a minority Tamil and they are the ones with power, the majority.

The funny thing about the ethnic thing is, when I am with the Tamils, I fear being left out because I don’t’ speak Tamil as the ‘majority Tamils’ do. I have a southern accent meaning I speak Tamil not like a Jaffna-Tamilian but more like a person from Colombo mingled and mixed among the Sinhalese. So that was another factor that triggered the ‘fear of being left out’ fear. I was very much aware of it, I couldn’t openly mix with Tamils or Sinhalese for above-mentioned factors. Fear of being left out.

It seems no matter whom I was with, there was some reason or factor to fear being left out. There is some degree of realness to this, but it must be by and large something that lives within me. It must be so, that I carried a chip on my shoulder that helped others to leave me out.

Back in Sri-Lanka, we have some groups that are very English-like, western-like or at least they try to pretend like European-left-overs. We call them the burgers, and sometimes I would try forge friendships with them, but of course with that fear of being left out in the background, now because I am not a burger by any means that fear will rise its head again and prevent any real friendships. Of course the Muslims I couldn’t mix and match either, for obvious reasons, I am not a Muslim, so no real friendships ever developed, again I must wonder is it only the others OR do I actually carry a chip on my shoulder?

They vs. me, is a notorious virus that hit me for long periods of my life, well even now actually. I have lost many chances to get to know people and develop friendships because I from the very start would fear being left out; and so it manifest.

Same with relatives, “oh they don’t’ like me”, “Oh they only want me to do something”, “oh we are not blood relatives”, “Oh we are only cousins”, “Oh they just want money”, etc, all that works around the line of “fear of being left out”.

Same in work/job context, I would find something that leaves me out from the rest, either on racial lines or cultural lines, and strangely enough on ‘intellectual lines’ too, “oh they are too smart to hang out with, I am not smart as them”, something to create a divide. Having lunch is a fun thing, often on racial lines too, the Chinese are together, the Indians are together, the whites a different bunch, and then those who brought their lunches to work, me I eat outsider for lunch, I would often entertain that “left out” mentality during lunch time. This is definitely a chip on the shoulder thing, because I don’t make any efforts to make friends to have lunch with, I mean you can’t just hang out with co-workers as they all seems to have little familiar groups of lunch-eaters, and sometimes hard for a newcomer to just fit in, and in that I often leave me out from the old timers based on various factors. Again fear of being left out is the root cause.

Even in my intimate relationships, this pattern of “left out” is very prominent, either it was on cultural/language lines or on bloodties. In my first marriage, it was on bloodties, where I strongly believed in “they vs. me” mentality making my step-fatherhood a near impossibility, so is this fear real or chip on the shoulder?

Strangely enough, even within my “own family”, I recall having that “left me out” fears, where I believed that my parents and brothers formed a team against me, they were out there to corner me and target me, and I believed that they were my enemy numero uno. That war took many years of my life all because I believed in “they vs. me” and feared being left out and cornered.

So now I am HERE, those patterns are still rooted in my mind-consciousness system, so I will have to write some detailed self-forgiveness statements and correct myself accordingly.

One more point just came up, racism, this is another chip I carried on my shoulder for years thinking and believing that every white person was out there to hate me etc, rather bullshit if you investigate the thought-patterns. Of course there are racist elements in every society not just white, not just black or brown, in every human society there are elements of prejudice and hate, but that doesn’t mean I should plant a chip on my shoulder with every foreigner I meet, should I?

Extreme fear of being left out, extreme fear of being an outsider, extreme fear of “they vs. me” mindset is not cool.

And yes on religious lines too I felt left out. I was born and raised Catholic and tried various Hindu and Buddhist teachings later on in my life. While I was a “born again Hindu” with the hare-Krishna movement it was pretty clear to me that being a “foreign Hindu” never made you a real Hindu, you were just an exotic Hindu, but not the real deal. I remember going to their gatherings and having that ‘fear of being left out’ from the main groups, who are mainly the normal Indian Hindus. Language, culture, nationality played a big role.

Nationality/ethnicity was another big ‘fear of left me out’ factor. Sometimes I felt a sense of shame to mention that I am from Sri-Lanka, because I felt those Indians, and Pakistanis sort of looked down upon us dark-skin islanders. So it was not easy to mix and match with “Indians” if you were a Sri-Lankan. So I thought and believed.

So many ways to divide, and then experience that extreme fear of being left out by others.

Strange isn’t it. But what caused all these? A chip on my shoulder? I would say 99% yes, it is something by and large I accepted and allowed as a self-belief within myself, and accordingly made my moves. Because I was carrying such a chip on my shoulder, I only made my theories come real easily, others of course resonantly picked up what I am carrying within myself and accordingly responded. Viola, self-made and self-proven theories.

Success is another area where I felt left out, as I believed that others are more successful than me, they have houses, families, properties, vacations, they got their lives in order, they got plans, lives, whereas me I am just a bum, wandering in life without any purpose or direction, and I actually fear hanging out with the successful because “fear of being left out” by them. Not seen/realizing it was me who was leaving me out.  

So what’s my next step? Extensive self-forgiveness and self-correction and STOP participating in my mind, and live here as breath, as a physical being, I mean, those are MIND-MADE constructs, which I have accepted and allowed as real and lived and faced severe consequences.

So if you’re facing similar ‘fears of being left out’, time to write yourself to freedom, write down the nitty-gritty details and forgive yourself for accepting and allowing them, in that delete them, it will be an extensive writing process. Join us.   

Join us:  Rebirth yourself, write yourself to FREEDOM.

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Day 117 – Loneliness/Isolation is Not the Purpose of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel alone and lonely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely and isolated believing that others must remove my loneliness and alone-feelings that I allowed within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for what I feel within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself as ME and as OTHERS, in that very separation I allowed loneliness to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that physical beings don’t separate themselves, they as physical are totally here, in equality and oneness to all, ALONE, as ALL-ONE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize it is my own isolation within my mind, the root cause of separation, and my feelings of isolation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, ideas, beliefs, social norms, traditional, cultural, religious ideas have caused my mind to separate from the physical here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my mind is racing, running fast with beliefs, ideas, in that believing that I lack, I want, I need, I want more, never here, in this I forgive me for simply not breathing here as me, as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within the ideas/beliefs within my mind and actually believe in them, not realizing, separation from my physical is my real loneliness, I am missing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in family ideas and trying to fit my reality into my mind’s beliefs, which is obviously not working, in this I forgive me for creating conflicts within me, reality vs: mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there must be a family for me, to call my own, so I can feel belong, connected and be together with them. in this I forgive myself for desiring connection with others, for familiarity, and family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek people who will give me familiarity and family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want more, something more, something more real, something more familiar, in this I forgive me for not realizing, my mind is always looking for something else/more, instead been here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve better, and therefore want MORE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, this wanting MORE is a mindfuck, mindtrap which can only lead me to fucktown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my mind always looking to gamble, may be the pasture will be more greener on the other side, in this I forgive me for not been here, breathing, living, doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am obsessed by the family system, meaning, I am allowing my desires for so-called family to direct me instead of me directing myself within what is best for all within this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blaming, complaining, whining are all characters that play acts to cause separation. in this I forgive me for not realizing, the real character, the physical/life is suppressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the real character of me is the physical being-ness of me, the physical, yet my mind and its variety of characters of running my life, through my permission and allowance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, little blames, remarks are the activation point of mind-characters causing loneliness, alone-ness and isolation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the real character, the physical of me is sleeping, because I exist/live constantly within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am jumping from one mind-character to another, endless cosmic character dance of Shiva within my mind, while the real God-character, the physical is suffering, sleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, each thought, each emotion/feeling is a character that plays/acts within my mind, causing to hide/suppress the physical of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly play the characters of my mind, in this not realizing, I am not allowing the real, life character of the physical to emerge in this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the purpose of my life is not found within the character plays, only within the emergence of my physical-life character will I find my true purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in the worldly matters and therefore waste away a whole lifetime in playing out mind-characters while the physical never emerges, hidden away for the whole lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my desire for connection, for familiarity, family, belonging, emotional comfort, friendship connections, love/affections are all simply mind-characters wanting to live/survive while not allowing the real life-character to emerge. Play of illusions continue while the real physical is never allowed to emerge, in this I forgive myself for not realizing, that I am the director who allows the characters to play.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am wasting away my whole life in mind-character plays, a real waste, in this I forgive me for accepting and allowing thoughts/emotions/feelings to dominate my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the so-called hereafter/afterlife is really useless, in this I forgive me for believing that I can rebirth me as life in the afterlife so might as well party away this physical/life chance here. in this I forgive me for not taking the responsibility for stopping the mind, here now, and stopping the mind-characters here now. I see/realize waiting for the afterlife to take responsibility is really a coward act.

I see/realize/understand, loneliness/aloneness/emotions/feelings, are all part and parcel of the mind-characters which are designed to entrap me within the mind, so that the real physical life character will never emerge, basically, its like dying on arrival, never achieving the true purpose of life, which is the birth of life through the physical.

I see/realize/understand, I have been on all fronts of my life, merely playing out mind-characters, not allowing, in fact suppressing the true real physical life character from emerging.

When and as I see myself whining, blaming, complaining, looking for greener pastures, looking for MORE, wanting/desiring MORE, I STOP it, I breathe, and I step back and see the practicality of it, is it a mindfuck or is it real physical practical issue? I allow myself to investigate within common sense, and within what is best for all. I see/realize/understand, it is not about what I like/dislike, or what is cool for me, as there are other beings in my life/reality, so I see/realize/understand, others comes first, its not always about what I want/feel/like/dislike, I realize I have to consider others in my life, and their futures. I see/realize/understand considering only what is cool for me is another mind character, leading to isolation and loneliness.

I am here, breathing, I commit myself to observe my mind-characters, and I commit myself to be aware so that those mind-characters won’t take me over, leading to the suppression of my physical life character.

Is there purpose of life? surely, it cannot be living/existing as loneliness/isolation or aloneness? I see/realize/understand, as long as mind-characters run, I am limited to such. So I commit myself to stop the mind characters.

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Day 89 – ‘Who I am’ is unpredictable, as emotional mind is unpredictable. Breathing is key.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still participate in thoughts emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am allowing emotional possession of me, by participating in thoughts/emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts of doubt, suspicious and anxiety and in this, I forgive me for blaming others for what I feel, not realizing what I feel is a physical confirmation of what I think.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from others, still participate in ‘me vs. them’ battles within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely and isolated and in this I forgive myself for further isolating myself by avoiding any company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personally and not  realize when I take things personally, I am making personal-lies, as in personalise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am still not effectively breathing here, still lost in the mind and its worries.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am still living in regrets and allowing what-if thoughts to dominate my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize every little thought that run in my mind matters, as it shows who I have become and therefore what needs to be forgiven.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the who I am is visible in the smallest of things I do, in the tinest of thoughts I entertain. in this I forgive myself for not slowing down to see what’s going on within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself so that  I don’t have to see whats going on within me, what is that I am suppressing, what is that I am hiding, what is that I am avoiding, what is that I prefer not looking at within me, what is that I desire/crave, what are my hidden secret fantasies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am avoiding responsibility, avoiding facing others as myself and avoiding my responsibilities towards them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear communicating myself and speaking up, clearly, directly, instead avoid dealing with issues, I realize this is irresponsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider others as myself and be considerate towards them, see how they feel, how they must experience due to my actions/words etc, in this I forgive me for not realizing my actions/words/thoughts does affect others and their world, hence it is of paramount importance and responsiblity to handle others with care and gentleness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I have allowed total separation within me, hence I see me vs. them in all scenarios.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when my mind is possessed by emotions, then I see the world, everyone and everything through my possession and believe everyone/everything is doing that to me. this is a real mindfuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am justifying my thoughts/emotions and feelings, which is not the way to go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I am is my decision, I decide who to be in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I am is decided by what I accept and allow within each breath. clearly, if I accept and allow thoughts/emotions/feelings, well then that is what who I am, thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my mind is very busy at keep me enslaved, so its survival as Mind conscious System can continue. therefore my mind will throw anything to keep me stuck thinking/worrying/feeling etc, to generate energy, to consume the physical to suck the body dry, leaving no substance left.

I am here, breathing. I see/realize/understand, moment by moment, breath by breath, what I accept and allow will determine who I am, so to change myself, my world, I realize I must direct myself to stop the war within me, I must direct myself to stop the thinking process within me, the conscious mind preoccupation must stop.

When and as I see I am stuck in the mind, I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back to here. I see/realize/understand this process is not a part time job, I direct myself to dedicate every breath to this, so to see who I am in every breath, and stop the abuse/war/separation I have allowed within me.

I breathe, I see/realize/understand, breathing is the key to cut through the emotional ups/downs of the mind, and I direct myself to be here as breath.

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Day 83 – “They vs. Me”: My lifelong battle character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to readily use “They vs. Me” battle character to see myself as the victim and “they” as my abusers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always see a “they” who are apparently against me, a team who is always against me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to really look for a team that is apparently against me, whose sole purpose is to turn me into a victim.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive any group of people as a team who is against me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a natural born victim, therefore any group/team/them/they will end of abusing me, and tuning me into a victim. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my parents and siblings as a team whose sole purpose was to corner me and target me. In this I forgive me for allowing me to see me as a victim and thereafter always see groups/teams as a threat to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my mother and father as a team whose sole purpose is to corner me and target me, and leaving me with no choice to defend. in this I forgive me for believing that I am all alone in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my mother and brothers as a team whose sole purpose is to corner me and target me, and blame me for anything and everything, apparently I am the one who must be targeted. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear family gatherings, because them/they would bring the old fears of me been cornered and targeted. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear teams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my childhood family situation as how things will always be, and in that I forgive myself for not letting go of the past. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I got messed up by my parents and blame them for my apparent fears about teams. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was pretty messed up by my parents and in this I forgive me for believing that they had placed a permanent scar in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my parents too had inherited the generational virus, they truly didnt’ know any better, there were too pre-programmed to live a certain preordained life path. My parents did not have the skills nor any support on how to raise a child, or on how to manage their emotions etc, like robots they went with the flow of their mind’s energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my parents deliberately messed me up, not realizing they simply didn’t know any better, so I realize/see/understand that my anger towards them is unfounded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry the memories of been corned and targeted by my parents within me still in the flesh, and activate those memories even now when I am with groups of people and feel all threatened by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program my flesh with the memories of been cornered and targeted by my parents and in that I forgive me for believing those memories will reoccur over and over again with different people in different situations in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly be in the guard wearing the “they vs. me” battle character, always seen/looking/identifying how people are corning me and targeting me, how they are turning me into a victim.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly see myself as a victim who is corned and targeted by they/them/others/teams/groups etc. in this I forgive me for always looking for a “they” who apparently will corner me and target me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am always ready to find a “they” who will turn me into a victim, and in this I forgive me for living the “they vs. me” battle character all my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am wearing a battle character called ‘they vs. me’ and in wearing this, i am always ready to be a victim, and I am always ready to identify a “they” whose sole purpose is to knock me down. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I always felt as if I am the outsider and in this I forgive myself for seen others as the group and me as the outsider. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am too desiring to form a team, to belong to a group so that I too can feel the power of a group, a team. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize what I am really looking for is an ego boasting group/team like family or extended family, or group of close friends, or cultural buddies with whom I can feel as if I am a team, a group. Not realizing its ego to desire to be part of a petty group, while the group called life is here, so I forgive me for seeking a little group to make my ego feels belong and accepted. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I desire to join “them” and be part of “they” so that I too can feel the power of a team, and perhaps victimize someone else too. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate groups because I desire to be part of them so to make myself feel larger and better and more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in wearing the “they vs. me” battle character what I am really saying is that I am not enough, I need to be part of “they/them”. in this I forgive me for not accepting me and not seen that I am enough, more is not needed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am part of a group called LIFE. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize every “they” I identify is actually a part of me, and is part of the group called life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize by simply breathing here, I remain here equal and one and part of this group called life. The moment I enter the mind, then, I seek small groups/teams to enlarge myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize “they vs me” battle character that I have been wearing lifelong only exist as thoughts within me. I think therefore the battle character exist. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry the memories within me and therefore the thoughts within me, and in that I forgive me for constantly wearing the “they vs. me” battle character. Not realizing in the simplicity of breathing here, I can let go off the “they vs. me” battle character. 

When and as I see myself going into the “they vs. me” battle character, I stop, I breathe. I see/realize/understand its an old pre-programmed pattern that I have been carrying within me, which does not serve anymore, therefore when and as I see “they vs me” character activating within me, I stop, I breathe. I remain here.

When and as I see myself going into “2 vs. 1″ battle character at home with my wife and son, I stop, I breathe, I let go off thoughts/memories and I direct me to breathe here. Because in been here I am part of the group called LIFE, hence I am equal and one to all as life. So I see/realize/understand that I dont’ need a small group, a team, a 2-some to include me or to accept me, so that I can feel MORE, I see/realize/understand I am already part of the largest group in existence, as I am part of life itself. Therefore I stop participating in thoughts, and I breathe here as life.

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Day 67 – I like to Isolate Myself.

[Please read this out aloud for added effectiveness]

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to isolate myself believing that it will protect me from having to deal with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear communicating with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing people. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself hide myself from people believing it will protect me from having to deal with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like isolation believing isolation as a safe thing to do. Not realizing I am really hiding because I know my judgments I have about others will have to be faced upon meeting others. Basically I am hiding from my own judgments I have about others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking, communicating with people because I believe they are judging me, when in fact it is me who carry loads of judgments toward others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the reason I hide myself or isolate myself from people is because I fear to take the self-responsibility to clean up my judgments towards others and to be here as breath in each moment. Just breathing and doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing what is best for ALL, instead do only what is best for my thoughts/emotions/feelings which is basically only doing what is best for my ego’s satisfaction, while never considering others in my reality, be at home, work, or worldwide, as I always chose what is good for my ego. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my life away in living just for my ego, making no difference at all, just giving into my fears, worries, anxieties, emotions and feelings, just living for the ego, and then one day, its all over, death will end my ego. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate me because in that I get to do what is best for my ego, my own things, while disregarding my commitment to support and assist others in my life/reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to isolate myself believing it will give me great freedom and personal space, not realizing by freedom what I mean is joy to my ego to do what my ego likes, while what is best for all in every moment of my life is disregarded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see been with people as difficult because then I will have to do what is best for ALL for those who are here, so in isolating I am avoiding doing what is best for all, in isolation I just have to do what is best for my ego. Isolation is therefore ego. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a loaner, and not realize that loaner really means I like to isolate me, so I can do what is best for my ego, not what is best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as addicted to my independence and freedom hence justify my likeness to isolate myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to isolating myself so that I can do what is best for my ego, and not what is best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am really not doing what is best for all, while claiming it to be the case, the evidence is clear, I like to do what is best for my ego, and isolating me is an act of ego. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself, fear facing my thoughts, fear facing my self-judgments, fear facing my judgments about others, fear dealing with my complexities, fear dealing with my memories, and fear living here breath by breath just by breathing and not giving into my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear NOT living here as breath, as breathing, in that I forgive me to fear giving up the mind, living in the mind as constant thinking and backchating. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the reason I like to isolate me is so that I can freely, continuously have my thinking machine run wild without any interrupts and don’t have to deal with any emotions/feelings that arise within me. Isolation is full protection for the ego. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear breathing here, each breath, not missing even one breath. in this I forgive me for just floating around endlessly, aimlessly, non-stop within my mind’s thoughts/emotions/feelings. 

I stop.

When and as I see myself desiring to isolate me, I STOP, I breathe, I direct myself to communicate with people, I direct myself to breathe, be here within this breath, every breath, I realize/see, giving into isolation is an act of EGO. so I stop, I breathe.

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