Tag Archives: how to listen

Day 268 – “I know, I know, I know” Character.

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Today while I was chatting with a friend, I noted that he used the words “I know, I know” a few times, and it annoyed me, angered me. It seems like I was being cut off from speaking, or at least it felt like that. So taking this point back to myself, I ask myself the question: how do I live this behavior pattern? And why was I reacting so much anyways? I could have just listened instead of participating in thoughts of annoyance and anger. It could have been a chance to improve my listening skill, to Be Here, be in the breath/breathing, instead of reacting and getting mad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in annoyance when others say the words “I know, I know, I know”. in this I forgive me for taking it personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get annoyed and angry when others say the words “I know, I know”, and interpret that as me being cut off from the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being cut off when I hear the words “I know, I know”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to goto victim mode when others tell me “I know, I know” as if they dont’ welcome my participation in the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘offended’ when others say “I know, I know” while I speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret “I know, I know” as being rude to me, not seen/realizing its my interpretation. It may be the person I was having the conversation with has a greater need to express himself, has a greater need to get things out of his chest, or may be he just love to be heard, and so why not just listen and improve my effective breathing and listening skills, instead of turning into anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I do the exact same thing cutting people off when they speak. in this I see/realize “I know, I know” is just one form of cutting people off, my way is different but resulting in the same rudeness, cutting another off from speaking/expressing themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I do the exact same thing when people tell me things, specially when they express their frustrations in relation to me, in this I forgive me for not attentively listen to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I give myself the power to cut people off when they speak to me, in this I see/realize breathing effectively is the key to LISTENING.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize cutting another off is not cool, therefore I direct myself to breathe and practice self-presence being here more instead of reacting or becoming angry.  In this I see/realize unable to listen to people mean less and less people will be willing to communicate with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when others say “I know, I know” not seen/realizing that I do the exact same thing, therefore I direct myself to breathe and practice being HERE, practice listening, instead of going to the head and thinking angry thoughts about the other person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and annoyance when others cut me off with the words “I know, I know”. in this I see/realize its my own interpretation, judgement upon those innocent words. I took “I know I know” as being a cut off statement equalizing it to ‘Shut up’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally and allowed myself to experience hurt when I hear the words “I know, I know” as if I am being cut off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I have the same habit pattern, I do the exact same thing, I cut off people during conversations, so now I see/realize/understand how it feels to be told to ‘Shut up’ politely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret the words “I know, I know” as “Shut up” not seen/realizing its my own interpretation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize listening to another is a gift, a moment of sharing, a moment of allowing another to be, allowing them to talk their shit out, giving them space, actually for them to hear their own words, so in listening I am actually supporting another and supporting myself to BE HERE as breath/breathing. Therefore I direct myself to breathe and listen, instead of going into anger, or annoyance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize if the other person is speaking non-stop then the best thing I can do is just LISTEN, and be an effective listener by breathing effectively. Its my time to breathe and be here, so reacting in anger or annoyance is stupid on my part.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry and annoyed at my friend today, instead of directing the moment to support another by listening and supporting myself by Breathing effectively.

I direct myself to Listen, I direct myself to breathe, I direct myself to LISTEN to my own words, and I direct myself to stop the annoyance and anger I feel when and as I see that I am being cut off with the words “I know, I know”.

I stop interpreting the words “I know I know” as “Shut up” because I see/realize its my own interpretation. I let go, I breathe.

I redefine the words “I know, I know” as a signal from another that they need/require to speak and they are asking me to listen to them. Its not a shut up, but a call for help. “Listen to me” he says, not “Shut up”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a victim when others say the words “I know, I know”, ‘oh the poor me nobody likes to listen to me’ is the implication I allowed with me. I forgive myself, I stop, I breathe.

When and as I hear the words “I know, I know”, I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself to see that as a signal for me to LISTEN more effectively instead of going into self-judgment and reactions

When and as I see myself reacting to the words “I know, I know”  I stop, I breathe, and direct myself to BE HERE in and as breath.

When and as I see myself telling others to “Shut up” in various ways when another is speaking, I stop, I breathe, and I allow another to speak.

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Day 255 – Art of Communication: Breathe as you Listen. Hear your own words as you Speak.

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active-listening-notI have been told several times now that I don’t listen well, often seem to interrupt when another is speaking. I see that in a hurry to get my point of view across, or even to just cut off the other, I have allowed myself to live this character of interrupting, not listening to others.

Likewise when others don’t listen to me, or when they say “ok I got it, got it, got it”, very clearly indicating to me to shut the fuck up, which really hurts, and so it goes to show that I don’t like it when others cut me off, not allowing me to speak.

Other day when I was speaking to my step-son, he was quick to cut me off by saying “yeh I get it, I get, I get it”, meaning shut the fuck up now. Wow that incident triggered century old memories where I have done the same to my dad, I have spoken the same words “ok I get it, I get it, I get it” with a violent tone in my voice, clearly indicating my displeasure at having to listen to his voice. I hate my dad’s voice, I couldn’t’ tolerate it when he goes on and on and on about things which sounds so whinny and irritating. My dad could be talking about traffic in town or how hot it is today, doesn’t matter his topic of conversation, I would quickly cut him off, “yeh I get it, I get it”, shut up now.

I wonder what was I really reacting to when my dad spoke in such tone. His tone of voice filled with agony it seems, annoyance, just listening to that voice annoys the hell out of me, and I have to really understand that point because now as my step-son is showing, I have the same quality/issue in my ton of voice.

I guess there is a certain emotional possessiveness hidden behind his voice, seems like the man is loaded with explosive emotions within himself which shows in his cranky tone/voice. As a listener I guess I would resonantly feel that an explosion is around the corner. Or may be in his voice there was no life left, it was just a shaky mind, full of fears, agony, and tension that was craving for my attention. And upon listening/hearing to it, I felt like my life was being sucked out of me by his voice. And if I allowed him to continue speak, he will just go on and on and on creating a spiral of annoyance like when the fuck is he going to stop, absolutely no listening at all.

So some issues to sort out through self-forgiveness and self-correction:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ground myself in and as the breath as I speak to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak from my mind and emotions instead of breathing each and every breath with awareness as I speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak with an emotional voice and tone, in this I forgive me for not giving myself the chance to release those emotion/energy to earth by breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak from my whole body instead of only speak from my mind/emotions. In this I see/realize my voice was not coming out of my whole body, but only from the mind/head/throat region. In this I see/realize lack of breath awareness during communication is the core problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak only from my throat area, my voice is coming from my throat only instead of letting my whole body speak. This is done through breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself in and as the breath, in this I forgive myself to flow with the mind instead of flowing with the existence which is the movement of my breath. As I move with the breath, I move with the speed of existence, as life, as physical, as substance here. Otherwise I am just a shallow mind, speaking from its turmoil and terror.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak only from my throat, as if I am speaking with something being stuck in my throat instead of breathing, and speaking with my whole body.

Another point I see here is when my dad speaks to a total stranger his voice seem fine, normal, indicating that judgements one carry within shows in the voice. So whenever he speaks to me I can sense his judgements, the anger he has for me etc, may be that’s why I just couldn’t tolerate his voice. Also I have to look at my judgements I carry about my step son, and may be that is why he is cutting me off when I speak. He is sensing something just like how I did. This point is a blog for my private writings for me to investigate and let them go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when I have judgments about others it will show in my voice as I speak/communicate with them, therefore I see/realize I must direct myself to breathe and ground myself here before I speak, in this letting the past go at least for that moment during communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, communication requires me to be HERE 100% otherwise I am not communicating, rather playing out the old emotions into replay and will only experience more of the same past shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my judgements, thoughts, emotions and feelings I carry towards another shows in my voice and the listener can sense it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize fearing another resonantly will show in my voice, and that is separation. May be my dad was fearing me resonantly, fear of getting hurt by me, so he was in terror within himself as he spoke to me which shows in the voice, to which I reacted by cutting him off. Because fear is separation not equality and oneness. Another point for my private writings to investigate. Why and where do I fear my step son?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the core problem is me not grounding myself in and as the breath during communication as a listener or as a speaker. I see/realize when I don’t’ ground myself as breath/breathing/physical/life/substance here, I am only here as a mind full of turmoil and terror, and that will show in my voice, and children will pick that up quickly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not listen as another speak, instead get lost in my mind thinking/plotting/planning my counter argument. In this I see/realize there is no real communication, rather a debate of minds, throwing one smart opinion after another, instead of actual real listening and accordingly in equal and oneness sharing common sense.

I forgive me for turning communication to smart ass opinion throwing winner-takes-all mental boxing match, instead of being HERE as breath, as life, as physical, as substance and Listening to another as I would like to be heard, and then accordingly share my common sense point of view, which may even look like a debate but it’s not, because the very starting point is now changed from winning to sharing, from dismissing to understanding, from cutting off to listening, from separation to equality/oneness.

When and as I see myself speaking with a lump in my throat so to speak, I stop, I breathe, and ground myself here in and as my whole body through breathing, then I proceed to speak. In this I commit myself to breath awareness and body awareness as I speak.

When and as I see myself speaking from my mental/emotional/painbody states, I stop, I breathe, I take a deep breath, possibly drink some water to ground myself and then I proceed to speak.

I commit myself to check my voice, my tone by listening to myself speaking, by listening to my own tone/voice as I speak, so I can verify/check to myself on my tone, and then accordingly correct myself to breathe and ground myself.

In this I see/realize that listening to my own voice as I speak, listening to my own words and to my own sentences as I speak is a cool way to correct myself. Now I see that I hardly listen to myself as I speak, I mean it’s like I am just blabbering away, so I stop this, I breathe.

So that is a cool point, in communication I must always LISTEN first, either LISTEN to another speaking or LISTEN to my own words as I speak. By Listening as I breathe, I am really grounding myself for real communication to take place.

I commit myself to LISTEN as I speak. I commit myself to LISTEN to every word as I speak. I commit myself to LISTEN to the tone of my voice as I speak. I commit myself to LISTEN to what I am actually saying, and direct myself to speak with common sense accordingly. In HEARING myself speak, or in HEARING another speak, I ground myself HERE.

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Day 203 – Secret Art of Listening: Stop all internal conversations and just listen.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not listen to another while they speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not pay attention to what another has to say, instead go into my own backchat and internal conversations about what they are speaking about. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my backchat lot more than listen to another while they speak to me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already prepare my defence arguments while I listen to another, instead of attentively listening to what others have to say. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, listening is an important part of any communication, how could I possibly take part in conversations if I don’t listen?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen within the attitude of looking for points of attack to pick up, so later on I can use them to counter attack, instead of unconditionally listening to everything what is being said. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, without listening no relationship can expand or grow because lack of listening is actually inconsideration or showing of ‘who cares’ attitude. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, effectively listening helps in understanding and expanding any relationship and moreover listening is vital to learn any new information. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, even at work place listening is a vital skill, as it helps to understand the issues and problems, because without listening the work problems cannot be clearly understood or resolved. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to during my ‘Power of Now’ days, listen to others within the attitude of projecting “oh I love you, oh I care for you, oh I am Presence, oh I am unconditional, I am here listening to you” images, not realizing I did such that only to project an image and thereby to win people.

Put it simply, I was manipulating the art of listening to have people like/love me. within this I forgive me for using spiritual tricks such as ‘listening to others with an open heart’ to win others, because the whole listening thing I did to win people to make them believe that I cared about them, so that in return they will love/like me. in this I forgive me for manipulating people through the art of listening instead of actually listening as an unconditional expression of myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, listening is when I listen to another as me. basically me speaking/listening to me. I am listening to hear/understand, to bring myself to here, and not to manipulate them to make them feel that “Oh I care for you soooooo much, see how much I listen to you’”. I direct myself to not allow such spiritual self-interest tricks. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, breathing is great a self support which assist me in listening and speaking. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to project a self-image of me as the great listener, me the great communicator, within this I forgive me for manipulating people through listening, instead of just listening to learn/hear/understand another as myself, just as how I would like to be heard. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, listening to another is a moment of intimacy, therefore I realize not to take that moment for granted, or use it to manipulate another, instead I simply breathe and be here listening. in this I realize sometimes allowing people to talk out their shit is a point of support and that may lead to a moment of self-realization within them without me having to preach. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I can only listen to one entity, not two, within this I see/realize/understand participating in my backchat/internal conversations while listening to another is not listening, rather cleverly planning the next arsenal to attack. within this I direct myself to breathe and remain here when and as I listen. 

I commit myself to breathe and remain here when and as I listen to another. 

I commit myself to stop all my backchats, internal conversations as I listen. in this I see that I cannot listen to both my backchat and to the other person. so I stop, I breathe and I listen to understand/comprehend/hear the other person as myself. 

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Day 105 – Blabbering is no Communication, its mind-chatter due to unawareness of Breath.

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[Context: I saw how I went on blabbering within a conversation over the phone, an overseas call, yeh I was trying to catchup with way too much blabbering. Also I saw breathing/breath could have assisted me to stop, but ignored that knowing/voice.]

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get carried away with verbal blabbering. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go on and on blabbering, talking rubbish. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, speaking rubbish that assist and support nobody is blabbering, a waste of words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express my emotions by using the blabbering technique which does no good to anyone. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, there is a vast difference between communication and blabbering. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blabbering is just wasting away words, it has no point of communication, what does it do/serve?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blabbering is mindless/mindtalk/chatter, just filling empty spaces, meaning, it just noise. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, silence is better than blabbering. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the point of communication, yes, is to talking with another, to get to know another, to understand another, to share with another, but it doesn’t mean making mindless noise. Blabbering is noise. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blabbering is verbal diarrhea, where speaking for the sake of speaking, while nothing is ever said or shared. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk nonsense, just for the sake of talking. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I was releasing emotions by blabbering. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blabbering is all about Me, Me and Me. My wants/needs/desires/likes/dislikes etc etc, it’s an emotional chatter, in the name of communication to get know somebody. I realize/see/understand, blabbering with another in the name of communication is actually abusive towards the other person, because they have to put up with my verbal shit. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I can live/exist/survive without having to share opinions about every subject under the sun. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I will live/survive/exist been silent with another, I don’t need to talk shit to exist. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, communication is cool, silence is cool, but blabbering bullshit is very uncool. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blabbering is preaching, knowledge and information, which nobody likes and very tiring too. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, throwing knowledge and information is like listening to telemarketers who just want to sell you useless shit at the most ungodly hours, it’s no communication, its pure blabbering. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, sharing common sense, or sharing my personal realizations with another is cool, even if it requires talking as much, while blabbering is senseless, mindchatter, either pumping out knowledge and information, or preaching shit, or just releasing emotions through spoken words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, discussions, debates are cool, but throwing knowledge and information, and/or preaching is uncool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just chatter away, mindless, senseless bullshit, yet never share anything real to assist and support another being in their life journey.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blabbering is a sign of me not breathing here as physical, which also prevents me from listening.

I see/realize/understand, for effective communication with anyone, be it with a child, a boss, a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a friend, anyone, the key is awareness of each breath. Additionally, listening to other while breathing assist and support in really Hearing them, and in that getting to know them for real through communication, otherwise all we do is share noise in the name of communication.

When and as I enter a conversation, in 1-to-1 to or in a group setting, first, I will breathe, as breathe-in, hold, breathe-out, in that way, I will direct myself to stability, enabling me to listen and be here with the awareness of each breath.

When and as I see I am blabbering, going on and on and on, I STOP, I breathe, I direct myself to do 4-count breathing, to stop the blabbering, which helps nobody.

I see/realize/understand, communication with any person is a gift, a chance, an opportunity, so I direct myself to honor it by been HERE as breath/breathing, totally here and participate in the conversation by listening, sharing common sense, and my realizations. In this, I direct myself to avoid any useless chatter that serves no life, and avoid preaching knowledge and information.

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Day 58 – Breath is key to Listening

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not hear/listen to others instead go into my backchat about others while they speak to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in fact never listen/hear when another being speaks, and only pay attention to my own backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never listen/hear others speak instead get caught in my own backchat while another is speaking. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore others while they speak to me by participating in my own backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect others by participating in my own backchat and thereby neglect others as they speak to me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never be HERE as others speak to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already participate within my backchat as others speak to me, because I have already allowed extensive judgments about others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the past memories to such an extent that I entirely disregard a being here because of my own judgments/memories about him/her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entirely disregard what is HERE because I have allowed memories/past/pictures to be of more value than what is HERE. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that PAST is over with death. As death arrives, there is no more past, the last breath will to be so precious, yet all other breaths before the last breath I have disregarded because I valued pictures/memories as more-than what is here. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dismiss this breath here, and dismiss what is HERE as life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only value that which gives me energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace what is HERE as LIFE instead rank them according to my likeness and dislikeness based on past pictures/memories. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring the past into this breath here by thinking about it, or recalling past pictures. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize LIFE exist here now in this very breath, not in some past breath. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that LIFE is a breath by breath process, yet LIFE is found in THIS BREATH here. This breath here is a point of access to life HERE. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire/seek energy for my mind by recalling past memories and pictures. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recall past pictures and memories to relive those past emotions and feelings as old pictures/memories regenerate old thoughts hence get to relive, re-experience old feelings and emotions. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the past memories/pictures/feelings/emotions. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am addicted to pain of the past therefore I keep thinking about the past pictures/memories to recall the past pain, instead of just BREATHING here. 

I am here breathing.

When and as I see myself lost in the chatter of my own backchat, I STOP, I Breathe. I realize getting lost in the chatter of my backchat is simply wasting away my life. I realize/see/understand that the noise in my head is just that, a noise, getting lost in it is entirely a waste of life. I realize/see that life is HERE. I realize that LIFE is not in some past breaths, that are gone yesterday or last year, but this breath here is where life is.

So I breathe, I am here. I direct myself to stop past pictures/memories/judgments/ and instead I direct myself to breathe and be here. When and as I see myself getting lost in the chatter of my mind, I realize I cannot listen/hear to another as I would liked to be listened too, so I stop the chatter of my mind, I breathe. I remain here as breath while I listen/hear another speaking. I realize listening is essential for communication, to get to know another, to understand another, also its a great gift to be HERE as breath while communicating/speaking/listening to another. After all, who wants a noisy mind around, its cool to talk to a silent mind, who will actually listen. So I direct myself to breathe and be here as I listen/hear to others while they speak to me.

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