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Day 324 – Temptations

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temptationI have to write a blog today, have been missing a few here and there. Though I see there is a slight resistance, calling it tiredness is easy way out, but I am pushing through, just keep on writing, I mean there is always something to write. There is so much bullshit going on in me and in this world at large. Even just listening to people talking in a café can give many subjects to write about, at this very moment I hear a young couple, must be in their early twenties, arguing about something, looks like he was going through her emails, sort of spying on her, and she is pissed off, well I don’t blame her. I mean, trust is key to relationships, if you have to break-into your partner’s email and spy on them, oh man, something is seriously wrong there.

Yeh right ‘fucked up’ he admits it too. So is this blog tonight about eavesdropping? It is kind of funny listening to couples arguing, especially the young ones, it’s getting spicy, now I am not being cool here, listening to other’s talking and writing a blog about their material. Fuck it. Well, now he is confronting her about texting to another guy; may be they are in their teens, now there is silence, questioning about texting put the couple in an odd spot, I guess he hit a soft spot. He is constantly questioning her now, well, I better leave this romantic boxing match alone, let them sort it out. I bet they will both beat me up if they knew I am writing my blog based on their ‘discussion’.

Love, desire, and fear. Desire and fear loss goes hand in hand. First the desire becomes so out of control, especially if the other is out of this world hot/handsome/beautiful, then you get the object of your desire, and then what happens? The fear of loss kicks in. oh no, he is possessed by fear of loss, he is just nonstop questioning her, I am getting the sense that fear of loss is possessing him. I suppose I have been in his shoes, where I become completely possessed by fear of loss, and then I am gone, irrational, fucked up.

Anyways, looks like texting can land couples in hot water. You text the wrong person, or at the wrong time, can easily get caught. It’s all about quick excitements, energy rush, mind is having loads of fun, a quickie for the mind, texting is a perfect tool for the mind to feed on.

The bottom line is lots of shit going on, minds are going crazy. In this I see/realize I have a major responsibility to myself, for my mind, to tame my mind so to speak. I mean it’s so easy to fall into these energy quickies, nothing like a little nasty text message, it’s so tempting. And you will be tested to the absolute, and perhaps that’s why texting is here, to test you.

Wow, so many little ways to get energy highs, a little hi, can go a long way.  These are the days of temptation, seriously. Money, sex, gossip, power, all of it can be tempting. I mean power over others in so many ways is tempting.

This is where breathing is self-supportive and helps in self-stability, every moment matters, I mean, a text message can come in a moment, 1 text message in 1 moment can destroy your life. It is a powerful temptation. So the key is to breathe and remain here in every breath. Otherwise you will fall for the sugar coated donut, so yummy, so addictive; such is the power of energy addiction, the stuff the mind loves.

Every look is in fact can be a point of temptation, I mean, how often does my eyes wonder on beautiful sights, it’s amazing, clearly an addiction to energy, just like those tempting text messages. This is why breathing is absolutely important, every breath, breath by breath, moment by moment, look by look, everything in fact, I must be here, breathing, otherwise the road to temptation is right here, the evil is always here, showing the way live, which is the reverse of evil. Thinking is a great temptation too; there is always the excitement to think some shit about something. There is energy experience in thinking, that’s why it’s so addictive, it’s like the mind is always texting you. That’s what thinking is, mind asking for energy from the physical body, and we so blindly fall to it.

So time for correction. Time to breathe, time to pause, slow down, look, consider what is best for self and best for all, time to self-move, self-direct, time to say NO to the mind, time to say NO to the fake shyness, fake ego games, time to observe self, self-physical movements, time to observe how I participate in my own bullshit, mentally, emotionally, physical, how I give into fears, doubts, anger, laziness, lethargy, self-pity all that, is kind of temptation, feeding the mind in so many ways, but living here is missing, just a pre-programmed robot, doing its thing.

Every breath, how do I move, am I aware of myself, my surroundings, my presence, my mind, my breath, my emotional states, specially things like fear, do I give into fears. Memories are great temptations, recalling and replaying memories is great fun and great temptation. Thinking all those juicy stuff. Memories are like pictorial text messages, instantly coming up, every moment; some shit is here to excite you. The great temptation. But unfortunately it doesn’t last, just for few fleeting moments, then the boredom of the mind returns with a vengeance. And it’s getting only worse.

Well the couple is rather stable now, talking normally, and I cannot hear anything. Oh I see them smiling, maybe there will be some make-up sex, who knows. That’s another fun side to fighting, there is a hidden reward in the end, maybe that’s why couples love fighting, the anticipation of make-up sex.

Breathe, become self-observant, watch the mind, feel the body, observe the million temptations presented, see how easily the mind/you/I can fall into it. Pictures, photos, memories, text messages, looks, sights, all that is only a picture, for a moment gives a great temptation for the mind. How robotic is life, so breathe, LIVE as a human, not as a ROBOT. Join us: www.desteni.org

Day 169 – Old photos can keep me stuck in the Memories of Past.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at old photos and experience regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while looking at the old photos think/believe that I have missed the boat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret about myself, my life, instead of living here in this moment of aliveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at old photos with feelings/emotions and thoughts of “what if”s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from others by the every act of thinking and compounded thinking leading to anger/jealousy/bitterness and regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I missed the boat meaning “I should have”, “I shouldn’t have” thoughts are running wild.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to looked at the past with regret instead of learning from it and moving on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize, LIFE is here in this very breath, in this very moment. Life is here, whereas a photo simply captures a moment that is gone by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less-than because I believe some characters are better-than me hence automatically implying that I am less-than.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my life HERE NOW with the past and make judgements of comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the past through photos and experience regrets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at photos and experience a sense of lack or missing. Instead of not realizing, I am here breathing, and ALIVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, photos are simply moments gone by therefore living in them or thru them is a waste while LIFE is here. SO I breathe I direct myself to be HERE in this physical reality of this moment, not somewhere in the past of memories and photos.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, old photos like old memories they activate old feelings, emotions and thoughts which keep me stuck in the past. Therefore I move myself, direct myself to live this breath here as a fresh new life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, regret is utterly useless, LIFE is here in this breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lack and empty and therefore go into regret feelings along with “what-if” thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, old photos, old memories, are cool as long as they don’t generate old feelings/emotions/thoughts. In this I direct myself to live HERE as this breath of life HERE.

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Day 142 – ‘Be Here’ = Be in this Breath, focus on the reality Here. Its the way end Habits.

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The urge to blame is lot more than just a mind pattern for me, its like a way of life, its how/who I am, blaming is second nature to me. Tonight while having dinner, I am please to report, I stopped the urge to blame by simply diverting my attention, our conversation elsewhere. “Oh look at that shop,” I recall saying that statement clearly to shit focus from a boiling urge within me to blame, the urge is to pay attention to what the mind was saying about the other person, about something they earlier said/did/gestured to me etc, ultimately it was none of it, simply my mind yelling at me “hey look at that gesture/comment/action and start blaming/scolding this person for it”.

Be Here, I told myself silently, Breathe, Be Here, breath-by-breath, within this breath just be here, don’t focus on what happened 10 mins ago or 5 mins ago. Be Here means, ONLY Here, at this very breath, and  nowhere else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, Be Here means simply to remain here within this Breath and focus on the reality Here within this Breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, to Be Here means to leave the past moments/breaths aside and Be Here within this Breath as I breathe now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, past is gone forever, and the future is not here, but this breath is Here for me to Be Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, LIFE is Here on this very Breath. within this I forgive me for not realizing, to LIVE as physical I must be Here within this breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, Breathing with awareness is the key to life, to live. There is no other way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my urge to blame others is only valid if I allow past breaths or future breaths to determine my course of action. hence I see/realize/understand, the urge to blame pattern/habit can be stopped/deleted simply staying within this breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blaming is not just a pattern, its a habit now, a physical habit, I just Have to blame somebody, its a way of life, therefore I see/realize/understand, to cut that habit/pattern down, I simply have to say NO to the mind, and remain within this breath.

When and as I see myself giving into my mind’s justifications, I realize its the old pattern, habit raising its ugly head again, therefore I stop it, and I Breathe to remain here. Simply NOT giving into mind’s cry to pay attention to it. I support myself by NOT listening to my mind, and remaining here by breathing.

I commit myself realize, that breathing effectively is the first step the cut mental habits. and therefore I commit myself to breathe and to BE HERE as breath as life.

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Day 132 – My desteni character – The shocking truth.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with hope, excitement and amazement when I first met desteni materials, within this I forgive me for not realizing, desteni is not the answer, whereas me living desteni’s message as me, as life, is the answer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see desteni as a life-saving group, who has all the answers to all the questions within our world, but within that I forgive me for not realizing, none of the answers will mean anything, if I don’t live them in fact, because I see/realize/understand, desteni’s message is a living message, not a static/book knowledge to meditate upon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare desteni’s message with other well known gurus and spiritual masters within the hope and dream of amalgamating the two worlds, so that I can be both a spiritual seeker and a destonian at the same time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience great pain, resistance, fear when I first realized that my past wealth of spiritual knowledge and information had come to mean nothing as it could not stand in the reality of what is here, and what we have accepted and allowed within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hopeless and disappointment when I first realized the degree of brainwashing that I have been through and all the nonsense that is going on in this world in the name of God, religion, spirituality and money, which I was blissfully ignorant of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience sorrow when I first realized how meaningless and ignorant I have been before desteni, because I was totally unaware of the bullshit that I have been through and the world is constantly going through meanwhile believing that all is well and only getting better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed at myself when I first realized that all the spiritual books, holy books, churches, temples, ashrams, retreats, workshops, satsangs, chants, I have been in the past, are of total waste of time and personal effort, not to mention thousands of dollars that went into it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself for spending thousands of dollars in seeking spiritual enlightenment and wisdom, within this I forgive me for not investigating any spiritual group before investing myself or money within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel betrayed by my former gurus and masters when I first realized the truth about spirituality and spiritual masters upon meeting desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a feeling of disappointment, when I realized upon meeting desteni, that even popular leaders like Obama whom I worshipped at that time cannot heal this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a feeling of disappointment in realizing, that in fact no living political leader has any solution to our problems, in fact their only goal is serving their funding masters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon meeting desteni, to experience a great disappointment because I realized that everything I knew, I trusted, I valued, I hoped, must be questioned, within this I forgive me for not realizing, for too long I have been wanting for others to be the solution, and with meeting desteni to my shock I realized, I am the answer/solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon becoming a destonian, not realize, my primary objective has been to impress other destonians, within this I forgive me for not realizing that this is a self-responsible journey, there is no one to impress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon becoming a destonian, not realize, to change this world I must change myself and walk as a group with other destonians effectively to bring about a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon becoming a destonian, not realize, I cannot convince others about the desteni message, yes I can make the materials available but cannot convince anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel special because I am now on a mission to save this world, within this I forgive me for not realizing, been HERE as breath is the first step without getting too excited about anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, preaching others or attempting to convince others is not the way, rather LIVE it breath by breath, within this I forgive me for believing that being a destonian gives me the right to preach others down, instead of simply sharing common sense points, for others to see/realize/understand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, been a destonian is about total self-responsibility first for self, and then for the world as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am going to be some great person eventually because I am a destonian now, not realizing, there is no trophy at the end of the journey, only realization of total self-responsibility, that I am responsible for ALL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see desteni farm folks as mighty and me as less than them, instead of seen that we are all together walking our own processes, that is all, no more or less, as everyone is in process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, been a destonian is not about mind-character plays, rather living, actual living of what is best for all, breath by breath and birthing a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, as desteni, as a destonian, as a group of destonians, I walk my process alone and with the group, to birth myself as life and to birth heaven on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for not understanding the desteni message, and within that feel a sense of disappointment, not realizing, all I can do is walk/stand and be an example, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, this is a journey of great responsibility and it requires total commitment to birth heaven on earth, within this I forgive me for not realizing the shocking truth, that I must be the responsible one, I must direct me to change me, and direct myself to change this world through equal money system.

In this I see/realize/understand there is no room to impress Bernard, or anyone else for that matter, there is no room to dwell in pity, guilt, sadness, fear, regret, shame, sorrow, anger, hate, desire, wants and needs, I see/realize I must direct myself to birth myself as life, and birth heaven on earth. And I do so with humbleness, gentleness, gratefulness, without any desire to be aggressive, pushy or righteous, as I see/realize/understand, everyone is in process, equal and one as life as me, no right to judge or blame anyone, yet showing the way, as a living example.

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Day 118 – Self-compromise is not cool.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others may think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others may speak about me or think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others may be avoiding me in that i forgive me for fearing that because they might have a good dam reason to avoid me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear meeting new people because I fear what they might think of me at first as first impression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear families within the belief that they are a unit therefore could strike me, should I speak against their objectives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear meeting familiar people and friends within the believe that may be I am not in a good mode or cheerful enough to meet and greet them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disclosing that I actually enjoying been alone not having to deal with their bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking up, because within the fear they may no longer like me or desire to be in association with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others ignoring me or leaving me out, in that I forgive me for fearing my own anger and frustration as reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been thrown out or left out by others because my apparent belief that groups of people are united and stronger within themselves who can do harm to me should I go against their objectives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been punished my others because me standing without compromising myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself out of fear of others, not realizing, self-compromise is real torture, is not living, simply giving into fear and submission.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into fear and submission  and therefore compromise myself, not standing for myself, simply give up, or give in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be submissive and surrender just to appease others out of fear of not been accepted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a submissive person and within that compromise myself, not consider me at all, only live to appease others so that they will like me eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are hell bent on destroying me, or targeting me, or creating hell for me, or doing bad things for me, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everyone is against me, and attacking me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of others, fear of not been liked, fear of not been loved, fear of not been wanted, fear of not been included, in all that I forgive me for not been with me, not enjoying my own self, instead of wanting, desiring others to fulfill me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear heated discussions, arguments, conflicts, because of the fear been confronted, in this I forgive myself for fear been confronted, within that fear been disliked, hated or excluded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living my life within self-caring and self-consideration, always wanting to appease others is not supporting me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living alone, fear living as ALONE, ALL-ONE, always wanting, desiring, seeking acceptance and likeness, love from others.

When and as I see myself to fearing others within the fear of loss, or within the fear of been disliked, or within the fear of been not included, or within the fear of been thrown out, or within the fear of been angered at me, or within the fear of been confronted, or within the fear of been questioned, or challenged, I STOP, I Breathe.

I see/realize/understand, I cannot live in self-compromise, I cannot live in fear of others, I cannot live in fear of losing people, I cannot live in the fear of been avoided/excluded, I see/realize/understand, I have to walk without compromising myself, while considering what is best for all, and seen others as myself.

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Day 112 – D(anger) of anger.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the anger within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the anger within is caused by other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my anger is created and caused by the behaviors of others, otherwise I am totally free from anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am the cause and the creator of my own anger, not anyone else.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my anger will not disappear by itself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my anger will not end by the will of God or some other power outside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and desire some force out there will remove my anger magically until then I can create/show deadly anger to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my anger, how I react in anger, how I speak/think in anger, is my own creation, i alone responsible for my anger within me, otherwise it will turn deadly slowly but surely as these are demon days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, anger is not like a flu, it will not disappear by itself over time, anger will only grow over time, unless I stop it as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, either I must stop the anger, or let it turn deadly leading to death and destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that there is no magical solution to end anger, no divine plan to end anger, no pill to end anger, no love to heal anger, no kindness to end anger, I alone must take the self-responsibility to end my own anger by directing myself to stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by changing the players or environment or jobs, i can change/end the anger within me, not realizing, nothing can cease the anger within me, as I am its creator and perpetuator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, even if I replace the whole planet and its population with another set, my anger will not cease, as I am its own creator. I am creating my anger by participating in angry thoughts/feelings/emotions etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, nothing in this world, no-thing in this world, can cease my anger.

I see/realize/understand, my anger, the deadly danger of it, is my own creation, drop by drop, thought by thought, I created it, so I direct myself to stop it, thought by thought.

When and as each thought of anger arise, I stop, I breathe. I see/realize/understand, anger exist only in my thoughts, as old thoughts, as new thoughts, so I see/realize to end anger I must stop it within each thought. I direct myself to breathe, and STOP participating in angry thoughts.

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Day 83 – “They vs. Me”: My lifelong battle character.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to readily use “They vs. Me” battle character to see myself as the victim and “they” as my abusers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always see a “they” who are apparently against me, a team who is always against me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to really look for a team that is apparently against me, whose sole purpose is to turn me into a victim.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive any group of people as a team who is against me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a natural born victim, therefore any group/team/them/they will end of abusing me, and tuning me into a victim. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my parents and siblings as a team whose sole purpose was to corner me and target me. In this I forgive me for allowing me to see me as a victim and thereafter always see groups/teams as a threat to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my mother and father as a team whose sole purpose is to corner me and target me, and leaving me with no choice to defend. in this I forgive me for believing that I am all alone in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my mother and brothers as a team whose sole purpose is to corner me and target me, and blame me for anything and everything, apparently I am the one who must be targeted. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear family gatherings, because them/they would bring the old fears of me been cornered and targeted. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear teams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my childhood family situation as how things will always be, and in that I forgive myself for not letting go of the past. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I got messed up by my parents and blame them for my apparent fears about teams. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was pretty messed up by my parents and in this I forgive me for believing that they had placed a permanent scar in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my parents too had inherited the generational virus, they truly didnt’ know any better, there were too pre-programmed to live a certain preordained life path. My parents did not have the skills nor any support on how to raise a child, or on how to manage their emotions etc, like robots they went with the flow of their mind’s energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my parents deliberately messed me up, not realizing they simply didn’t know any better, so I realize/see/understand that my anger towards them is unfounded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry the memories of been corned and targeted by my parents within me still in the flesh, and activate those memories even now when I am with groups of people and feel all threatened by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program my flesh with the memories of been cornered and targeted by my parents and in that I forgive me for believing those memories will reoccur over and over again with different people in different situations in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly be in the guard wearing the “they vs. me” battle character, always seen/looking/identifying how people are corning me and targeting me, how they are turning me into a victim.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly see myself as a victim who is corned and targeted by they/them/others/teams/groups etc. in this I forgive me for always looking for a “they” who apparently will corner me and target me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am always ready to find a “they” who will turn me into a victim, and in this I forgive me for living the “they vs. me” battle character all my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am wearing a battle character called ‘they vs. me’ and in wearing this, i am always ready to be a victim, and I am always ready to identify a “they” whose sole purpose is to knock me down. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I always felt as if I am the outsider and in this I forgive myself for seen others as the group and me as the outsider. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am too desiring to form a team, to belong to a group so that I too can feel the power of a group, a team. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize what I am really looking for is an ego boasting group/team like family or extended family, or group of close friends, or cultural buddies with whom I can feel as if I am a team, a group. Not realizing its ego to desire to be part of a petty group, while the group called life is here, so I forgive me for seeking a little group to make my ego feels belong and accepted. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I desire to join “them” and be part of “they” so that I too can feel the power of a team, and perhaps victimize someone else too. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate groups because I desire to be part of them so to make myself feel larger and better and more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in wearing the “they vs. me” battle character what I am really saying is that I am not enough, I need to be part of “they/them”. in this I forgive me for not accepting me and not seen that I am enough, more is not needed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am part of a group called LIFE. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize every “they” I identify is actually a part of me, and is part of the group called life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize by simply breathing here, I remain here equal and one and part of this group called life. The moment I enter the mind, then, I seek small groups/teams to enlarge myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize “they vs me” battle character that I have been wearing lifelong only exist as thoughts within me. I think therefore the battle character exist. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry the memories within me and therefore the thoughts within me, and in that I forgive me for constantly wearing the “they vs. me” battle character. Not realizing in the simplicity of breathing here, I can let go off the “they vs. me” battle character. 

When and as I see myself going into the “they vs. me” battle character, I stop, I breathe. I see/realize/understand its an old pre-programmed pattern that I have been carrying within me, which does not serve anymore, therefore when and as I see “they vs me” character activating within me, I stop, I breathe. I remain here.

When and as I see myself going into “2 vs. 1″ battle character at home with my wife and son, I stop, I breathe, I let go off thoughts/memories and I direct me to breathe here. Because in been here I am part of the group called LIFE, hence I am equal and one to all as life. So I see/realize/understand that I dont’ need a small group, a team, a 2-some to include me or to accept me, so that I can feel MORE, I see/realize/understand I am already part of the largest group in existence, as I am part of life itself. Therefore I stop participating in thoughts, and I breathe here as life.

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Day 80 – Talking ill about people behind their back is not cool.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip about another human being today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak ill about a person in a conversation when the other was not present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I have no rights whatsoever to speak ill about another specially behind their back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make nasty comments about another saying how bad that person is etc, trying to put him down and make a mockery out of him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mention people’s names and thereby subtly attack them behind their backs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize now that I will never ever be able to stand in front of this being, and face him directly, because then I will know what ill I spoke about him behind his back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize by gossiping I am creating more shame and points of difficulties for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak ill about another and not realize that I have created a point of secret for me, which means I cannot face another openly as equals, rather have to hide when I see him again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and guilty for gossiping today about another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that gossiping is a form of intimacy and friendship building. Meaning if I gossip about person A with person B, then I incorrectly believe that I am intimate with person B. In this I forgive me for believing that gossip is a great intimacy builder and friendship builder, not realizing gossiping about anyone to person B, will in fact destroys whatever I have with person B.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel regret within me for gossiping, not realizing regret will not assist but only compound the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad for gossiping. not realizing feeling bad doesn’t help, rather, I let go off this, and commit myself to not walk the point of gossip again. Simply a decision to correct me, no need for regrets, or shame, or guilty/bad etc, because anything like that, if I allow then I am not dealing with the actual point about gossiping, rather hiding behind regret, shame, sad, bad, guilt feelings etc. so I direct me, when and as I see myself stepping into gossip land, to stop, and breathe.

I realize/see/understand talking ill about another behind their back is a gross violation of respect I can bestow upon him/her, and I realize that I will never like it if someone else speak ill about me behind my back.

When and as I see that a moment arise to mention people’s names, and their gory gossip details, I stop, I breathe, I stop mentioning names, I stop talking ill about anyone. However, If I require to speak about another’s actions/words that needs to be discussed, then I will speak about him/her as if that person is here present listening to everything that I say. There is no secret talking, I talk straight to the person, in their presence or absence. In that way, I will assure that no ill talking behind a person’s back happens. I direct me to consider all are equal and one as life as me, therefore in talking ill about others, I am only degrading and disrespecting myself. I stop, I breathe.

I commit myself to stop ill talking about others.

I commit myself to stop gossip about others.

I commit myself to stop mentioning people’s names so that I can attach blame or gossip to them.

I commit myself to breathe, when as as I see myself to stepping into the old pattern of ill talking about others.

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Day 75 – Looking for conflicts is an addictive drug of my mind.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire power over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the feeling of power over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire power over others. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create conflicts with others based on my power over others, so that I can get energy for mind/ego’s survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse power over others so that I can get energy for mind/ego through conflict and becoming nasty towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflicts so that I can get energy for my mind/ego’s survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire conflicts with others, because conflicts with others gives me energy for my mind/ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my mind/ego love conflicts, blames, nastiness so that I can get energy for my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek conflicts with others so that I can get energy for my mind’s survival.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I set the stage perfectly so that conflicts can be rightfully created. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself desire conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire/seek conflicts so that my mind can get its energy to survive. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire/seek energy via conflicts so that my mind can survive. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire/seek energy via been nasty towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for faults and blames so that I can create the perfect conflict with others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that i have become a natural born conflict maker, always seeking/looking/creating conflicts with others so that I can get my energy for my mind/ego and its survival. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I have given up breathing and just serve my mind/ego and its needs. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I thrive upon great conflicts, the higher the energy, the better it is, as it will feed my mind/ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist for one and only one reason, that is to serve my mind/ego, to give it energy from my physical. in this i forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deplete my body. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when others create conflict, not realizing that them too, just like me, love to create conflicts for their mind to survive.

I stop, I breathe. I stop this drug addiction I have formed towards creating conflicts just for the sake of mind survival.

When and as I see myself desiring/wanting/urging for conflicts, I STOP, I breathe, I realize seeking for conflicts is a sign my mind is looking for a feeding, energy for its survival.

When and as I see myself feeling all powerful over others because I sense that I have the power to create conflicts with them for reasons pull out of the hat, I STOP, I breathe, I realize any form of power over another is doom, is ego. Power will never bring intimacy, as it will only feed my mind as ego.

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Day 60 – Reading ‘Journey to Life’ blogs daily is a great self-support.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to read JTL blogs daily and regularly. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that reading JTL blogs daily is a great self-support and yet I avoid it with many excuses. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not read JTL blogs daily by giving various excuses and reasons. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this Journey to Life is a Process of Participation, I must participate in writing and reading daily, everyday touching many blogs as practically possible. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the more I put off readings, the more hard it will be to get back to daily reading.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel regret for not reading daily, well, no need for regret, I simply stop the excuses, and get on with daily readings. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am wasting a lot of time doing ‘nothing’ or ‘just browsing’ whereas I could commit that time to read JTL blogs. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize once I give into excuses for not reading daily, then, they accumulate, ‘to read list’ accumulates and that turns into a mountain, and then I give it up. This is not acceptable. The pit of regret and giving up deliberately is not acceptable. 

On this 60th day of my journey to life process, I realize I must commit myself to read many JTL blogs as possible daily/everyday, therefore giving into lame excuses is not acceptable.

I have time, because I waste time in doing stuff but not the stuff I must do, like reading JTL blogs. So I realize a pattern of excuse is in place now, I am avoiding reading JTL blogs daily, this is more than just a practical issue. Its now a pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till a mountain of blogs pile up, and then give it up the reading list. This is a nice trick to stop reading JTL blogs. Therefore I direct myself to stick a minimum reading list, and get that reading list done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize its never TOO LATE, so I am here breathing, as breath, so simply moving/directing myself to reading, just read, start reading, instead of giving excuses/reasons, just start reading the blogs daily. Get the minimum reading list done. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize this process requires a commitment, a dedication, a time to write, a time to read and a time to video making, and forum participation etc. I cannot just ‘go with the flow’. So I direct myself to structure my time so I can get all the required parts done to effectively participate in the JTL 7 years process. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I need to organize myself so that I can write/read/do_videos/do_course work etc.

I commit myself to write my own JTL blog in the mornings, at least for 30 minutes to get my own daily writings done.

I commit myself to read creation’s journey to life blog in the mornings.

I commit myself to read heaven’s journey to life blog in the mornings.  

I commit myself to read earth’s journey to life blog in the mornings. 

I commit myself to read 2 more journey to life blogs from other destonians in the evenings or throughout the day.

I commit myself to make videos in the evenings when all readings/writings are done, so I will not trick myself to avoid reading/writing by doing videos. 

In this I am committing myself to read a minimum of 5 JTL blogs a day.

I realize I am rushing to make videos while not reading/writing, it is an avoidance trick, so I stop, I breathe, I realize, that I must read/write daily as committed and then direct myself to make the videos. Because I must stand as LIFE here.

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