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Day 325 – Information processing, just like Breathing, do it step-by-step without Rushing.

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informationI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear when I am given new projects and asked to investigate the root cause of a problem. In this I see/realize that giving into fear of not finding a solution is not the right starting point, rather, I direct myself to see/investigate and research the problem/solution instead of fearing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize reacting in fear, fear of not finding solutions is not the way to start a project, instead I direct myself to study, research, investigate, experiment solutions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, I simply have to do the basic things first, investigate and understand the problem, without reacting in fear, or fearing not having solutions. Because I see/realize that once the problem is really understood, all the details are gathered, it is easier to proceed in finding a solution. Reacting in mind/fear is not assisting, or useful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that lack of details; lack of understanding of the problem is sometime the biggest bottleneck. Cannot solve a problem, if you don’t know what the problem is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, once the problem is well understood, the initial details are gathered, then, it is a matter of proceeding to experiment solutions, without getting stuck in the mind of fear. It is a matter of trying one solution after another, trying/researching without getting stuck in preconceived solution-can. Simply look at the problem, look the details, the data, look at the available tools/techniques/tricks to resolve the problem. I mean, there is no magic, nor is this rocket science, only matter of looking at the available information clearly without pre-CON-ceived ideas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize recording/writing down the data from each step of the research is important, it’s like making a list of progress, which helps in comparing various methods/solutions. In this I see/realize finding solutions involves writing the steps/data/output down. See the solution path on paper, from the problem to solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize communicating the problem with others/peers is critical, in that I see clearly sharing/showing the results/data/path is important. Sometimes it’s not about finding the final solution, rather the various experiments conducted, which may help the next person to have a better perspective about the solution. Sometimes finding the solution is an evolutionary process, for which, many contribute, therefore I see/realize clear unambiguous communication is important. Taking the time to breathe, slow down, putting all the information down is vital, without giving into the rushness of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize finding solutions is a step-by-step process, just like breathing. It involves walking each step, covering all common sense steps, writing the results/observations down, and then communicating them, for further perspective. “Information gathering” is what sometimes the most important part, find the right information, gathering them, and analysis them, without giving into mind-fears. Because once the mind gets choked in fears, even the basic steps become impossible. Therefore I direct myself to slow down, breathe, look at the basic steps, all the required data, “gathering information”, and then look at the information, before I proceed to experiment things. Also I direct myself to write things down, as I proceed/experiment things. Because I see/realize this is not rocket science, rather, simply look at all the data, understand them, classify them, and write them down, because I realize organizing the data is key to discover solutions.

This is simply data analysis, the basics of software debugging, problem-solution, step by step, at each step, there is debugging/data analysis going on, and so it’s important to not skip any step, which we tend to do in a hurry to get to the final answer, which is madness, because missing a step on the way will mess up everything. Therefore I direct myself slow down, breathe, pay attention to every step on the way, and I see/realize if I miss a step, if I screw up a step, then the whole investigation/experiment will be messed up, so I direct myself to slow down, breathe, and walk it step by step, just like breathing.

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Day 295 – Energy Addiction to People’s Attention

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience energy addiction towards people and in that become dependent on them and at the same time fear them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I fear not getting the energy attention from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire people from whom I can get an energy attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience/view energy need as attraction, not seen/realizing it’s pure mind-need for attention, and has nothing to do with so-called likeness or attraction or compatibility. Just wanting mind-energy to keep/sustain my energy crave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people the moment I sense that I like their energetic attention, because the moment I sense I like their attention, I fear losing it. Desire and fear go hand in hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret mind-energy crave/need as likeness or attraction not seen/realizing it’s just a drug-need for the mind. And in that people are being used to feed mind needs, just like using drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use people to sustain/maintain/keep up my mind by using people as energy-feeds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use people as drugs so that they can feed my mind’s need for attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire energetic highs of the mind and in that not seen/realizing that such highs results in the depletion of the human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crave for some people and their attention so that I can feel good about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of loss after getting their attention, because I fear losing attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to possess people as if they are property so that they can feed me, give me attention, so that I can be all happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by others, meaning define my very existence by them, by what they do to me, in that I see/realize that I am not here as breath, as physical, just me, here, not needing, not wanting, not desiring anyone’s attention. I am here breathing. I am here living breath by breath, not seeking/wanting/attempting/desiring anyone’s attention. I mean I am OK, perfectly fine without anybody’s attention. I will live, I will not die without attention. The mind however may experience withdrawal syndrome and then panic/shake, but I am here, so I direct myself to breathe, be here. And not feeding the mind.

This addiction to people is a big one, mind loves it, craves for it, which I have accepted and allowed. Instead of being here as a physical being, communicating as physical beings, I see/realize I have allowed myself to need/desire/want the attention from people, that’s my main driving point. I mean a human being is much more than an energy-provider, so people not to be used as energy-feeders for my mind’s survival. Communicating, getting to know, doing things together, eating together, living together, expanding together, growing together should be the focus, NOT just wanting/desiring/seeking/needing their attention for my mind. A relationship, a friendship, a marriage cannot sustain if I am constantly needing/desiring/seeking/wanting that energy-attention from the other, I mean sooner or later it will become a drag to other and I will become dependent on the other, so my survival depends on them, so wherever I don’t get that expected energy boost/attention, then I will go into rage and attack them.  FEED MY MIND or else.

So I stop this desire/want/need for people to give me this attention, this is within all relationship context not just marriage, even in casual relationships I have noticed I am driven by energy attention, it seems like energy attention is the only reason ever why I mingle with people. So I stop this madness, when and as I see myself craving/desiring/wanting/needing/seeking energy attention from others to FEED my MIND, I stop, I breathe, seen/realizing such energy-dependent relationships cannot be sustained, sooner or later, the crave will explode. I mean, only so much attention one can give to me, before they become sick and tired of it.

I breathe. I embrace myself. Join us: www.desteni.org

Day 291 – ‘Thinking is Living’ pattern causes fear of breathing with awareness.

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I have been looking at how I am breathing and general focus on breathing. This is because I realize without breathing properly, effectively, it will be a struggle for me to walk this process, I mean, breathing is a basic tool/step in this process. Breathing effectively implies breathing with awareness, in a way assisting and supporting myself to cut down the movie that is running wild.

So today I was relatively successful in putting the brakes on the movie, meaning I was able to breathe fully, with awareness some of the times. For sure this hasn’t become a second nature yet.

Why is it so difficult to breathe each breath with awareness? I mean what’s so hard/difficult about it? In my case, it’s my addiction to think, to participate in the fascinating the stuff the mind is coming up with, I just don’t want to miss any actions, I don’t want to miss any ‘living’, all that cool stuff going on in the mind, my goodness who wants to miss that. So that is the basic fear, that if I leave the mind that I might miss ‘living’, miss the actions, and turn myself into a mindless zombie.

That’s the fear which has been programmed into my mind, to my beingness from the controllers which I readily accepted and allowed. I mean, I honestly believe that if I were not think, that I would miss out on ‘living’. So here living is equated to thinking. I still think, think and think, I mean, I have not stopped entirely yet, still going to the movie so to speak. Well, who wants to miss the show, who wants to NOT live, thinking is living after all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thinking is LIVING.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don’t think then I am not living apparently, because thinking is living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I focus on breathing then I am apparently missing out on living, I am missing the actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I breathe with awareness then I am apparently missing out on living, because thinking is living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate thinking to living and in that programm my body and mind and my beingness into believing that thinking is LIVING.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not thinking because apparently if I don’t’ think then I am not living, because thinking is living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the mind control that says “THINKING IS LIVING”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself, my body, my mind, my beingness into believing that “THINKING IS LIVING”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear upon focusing on my breathing because I have allowed the idea that thinking is living and therefore I become fearful when not living i.e. not thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear breathing with awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear breathing every breath with awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe living is in the head, in that completely disregard the body, not pay any attention at all to the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am pro-programmed, conditioned to believe that ‘thinking is living’ and therefore I am conditioned to experience fear when I focus on my breath as I breathe. Effectively I have been programmed to NOT breathe with awareness so to keep the mind going and going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, there is no escape from this, sooner or later, I will have to pay attention, to myself, to my body, to my breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, LIFE IS A GIFT, and breathing with awareness is a way to honor that gift here, and not breathing with awareness is wasting of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I have a chance here, I am still alive, I am still breathing, so wasting away the gift of my life is utter irresponsibility, therefore I direct myself to see/realize that I am here as a gift, I am breathing as a gift, and I still have time, to correct myself and be HERE.

Death will be too late to breathe. So I direct myself to stop the pattern of ‘thinking is living’ by directing me to breathe with awareness. I see/realize that this must become my second nature; I must breathe every breath with awareness, not missing out even a single breath.

When and as I see that I am not breathing with awareness, I stop, I see/realize that it’s time to change the pattern from shallow breathing to whole body breathing, into breathing with awareness.

I am here. I am breathing.

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Day 286 – Breathing is Life, Thinking is not.

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Con of consciousness continues. My thoughts, emotions, and feelings are not mine, isn’t that a shock or what. They are projected unto my mind so that I will like a blind fool follow them, get engage in them, think/feel more and more about them, in that generating, creating, a whole lot of energy for the consciousness/mind/heavens etc. (The heaven part I take it back, because now no longer the mind energy is routed to the heaven’s as it was before, now, its INVERTED for the self/mind/body, meaning, now more I think, more shit/consequence for me to face).

I have been a thinking machine for all my life, just thinking and thinking, there has been no rest in that area. And feelings/emotions yes tons of them, often you will find me in a state of moodiness, even during sun sunny beaches I will find something to be moody about, it seems my very nature to be some sort of an energy possessed, energy consuming moody freak. Consciousness must love me so much for feeding it, all this time.

But never once I took a break from this, and now I have the chance. Because I see/realize and understand, there is a parasite exist within me, as me, it’s called the consciousness/mind, and it’s part of the original design of things, original design of the existence/humanity/heaven and what not. My job is to provide energy for higher up for their survival and sustenance.

Emotions/feelings/thinking/sexual stuff really feed the mind/consciousness. Anger, rage, hate, spite, revenge, bitterness are more than welcome too. Mind loves emotional turmoil, inner battles, inner conflicts, inner terror, fears, all that. The more the shit, the better it is. That’s the name of the game, give me more shit, I will love you for it. And I have been happily cooperating with the consciousness on these matters for long, meaning, I have been giving/sacrificing my physical body for it happily, ignorantly.

Now I have the responsibility to stop the madness. Relationship blues are great source of emotional feeds for the mind, I mean all that terror goes within relationships can generate loads to emotional energy for the mind/consciousness, awesome stuff.

But what a life to live, just living to thinking/feel/ and produce EMOTIONAL ENERGY for a parasite to survive.  People don’t’ know these kind of stuff, but I have been fortunate to learn theses from desteni, and it is my experience too, to see/realize/understand for myself what a difference it makes to STOP the mind/thoughts/emotions/feelings for a while.

Or I can be of great service provider for CON of Consciousness and give myself, my body, my substance to it, and then die away, be a great martyr. My life is so cheap; at least that’s how I am treating it, just wasting it away in THINKING/FEELING shit.

Am I living? Am I here? Am I breathing? Am I really HERE,  Am I sacrificing my body? Am I a martyr? What a shitty way to live. It’s like slow death I am willingly embracing onto myself.

I was born into this world, a baby, a child, a teen, and now an adult. I was a fetus once too, growing slowing but surely and gently became a full blow baby, with hands, legs, head, and what not, and I was born. That was a long time ago. But what have I done with my life? I am just living to die; just willingly committing slow suicide, thought by thought, emotion by emotions I walk a death walk. My birth, my growth, my childhood, all the efforts people put into raising me, is useless because what have I become? An energy providing machine for the consciousness unwilling to live even a moment HERE in and as breath.

I have wasted my life enough. It’s time to LIVE. It’s time to stop the imagination, it’s time to STOP the imaginary fears, it’s time to stop engaging in mental revenge, it’s time to stop fantasizing sexually, it’s time to pause, its time breathe, really, it’s time to breathe so that I will stop the CON of consciousness. Before it eats me up alive

I have had enough of self-imposed suffering, oh man. I have fucked myself to so nicely for so long. So I either STOP now or just rot away my remaining years and just die away, silently, just like how I constantly think silently.

I see/realize my life is just too precious to waste it away. I mean what a torture I am doing to myself. What a terrible thing I am doing to myself. Knowing well, understanding well, I am still torturing myself by thoughts/emotions/ feelings.

It’s all about attachment to ENERGY. That’s the thrill of energy. That sexual high, that egoic high comes from anger, I mean there is a lot of high in power, the power to fucking abuse another human being. I have done a good job at that, showing my anger, without ever holding it back with breathing.

I breathe, as I see/realize/understand, as long as I give the consciousness a free run, me changing my life in this one lifetime is pretty remote. What’s the point of even living if I can’t direct myself to change myself?

So here is a great direction, a purpose, a goal, an ambition in my life. That’s to stop the CON of consciousness from killing me, with my approval.

For this, my first order of action is to breathe, yes breathe EFFECTIVELY.

I direct myself to over and over again to see/realize and return to breathing. Because I see that without breathing I am giving consciousness a free reign. I am basically telling consciousness to take it over and kill me slowly but surely.

So I pause, I see/realize/understand that my whole life has been a waste, a total waste because I have been nothing but an energy provider for consciousness and the mind. I have been nothing but a slave.

And now with the mind/energy being inverted things can only get worse, for me. I have to face me, on my face, deal with my shit on my face. And it’s already happening.

So here I am, still alive, still breathing, so I have the chance, to correct myself, to make a U-turn in my life, and be a LIVING force not just a slave to the mind.

I direct myself to breathe, really engage myself to breathe effectively, because I see this is the most important self-care I can give to me. Breathe effectively.

I breathe, breath by breath, each breath is a chance to ground myself here, and there is no need to engage in the mind/thoughts/emotions and feelings. Yes I can think about practical stuff when needed, but not as a reason to live.

So what’s my game plan, what is my self-corrective script, so when and as I see myself gone/lost in the mind, I immediately bring myself back here, into breathing, without any self-judgment or remorse, or anger, simply returning to breath again and again and again. I see the more I return the more I will return and it will only get easier.

Breath is life, not thinking. This is my gift to myself, I embrace myself, I care for myself, I look into myself, just by breathing effectively, breathing fully, stop participation in the mind/thought/emotions/feelings. HERE is my anchor. My body is my anchor. My body is my ground, where I anchor myself in and as breathing.

This is a decision as much as a process, but I see I will need self-effort, a force to ground in this plan. I cannot just ‘let it happen’ , I have to make it happen.

Apparently there is great merit in stopping the mind, in silence, in being here, because when the mind is ‘gone’, the problem will be no more. Mind is the problem, you see.

So this is my new self-directed project, to walk myself into HERE, into breath by breathing fully.

I wasted my life enough, death will be too late, so now is the time to breathe and ground myself here.

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Day 246 – End Child labour. Re-educate yourself with desteni Message.

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Listen to this for context: http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-child-labour

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that allows child labour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that allows 5 year old children into labour force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that allows 5 year old children to work from sunrise to sunset in deplorable conditions all due to poverty of the families and the abusive labor market that exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that allows parents to send their children as young as 5 years old into labour force in the hope of earning some money to eat, to live, to survive in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that allows children to give up their school so that they can work to feed their families at an age of even as young as 5 years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that allows children to be used as cheap labour force so that the big money movers/shakers can score massive profits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that allows the existence of child-labour as a normal thing, justifying by saying “at least they are productive, at least they are acquiring skills, or being useful members of society, or at least now they have something to eat”, in this I forgive me for accepting and allowing justifications of abuse so that profit making can continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that allows any and all kinds of abuse in the name of profit making, and within that I forgive me for believing that profit making as business as usual which apparently makes humans productive and constructive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that allows big corporations to indirectly hire children as dirt cheap labour yet cover it behind abusive justifications like “at least we are uplifting their lives which were already in worse situation and now we are giving them some employment”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that allows those with big money to hire the most vulnerable into their labour force justifying that “at least now they have a job”, not seen/realising the deplorable working conditions and suffering these minors will have to go thru just to stay “employed”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that allows the hiring of minors and children through structures of layering so then the responsibility of hiring the minors/children is shifted way out of sight but all along knowing very well who is doing what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be part of a world system that allows the hiring to children as domestic labourers by justifying ”now at least they have food to eat and a place to stay”, in this not seen/realizing that these children are dirt free/cheap labourers who must do all the shitty work to survive, at times facing physical abuse and sexual abuse by the hands of their masters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that does lip service for child-labour but in reality approves such for very simple reason: “its our read to consumer happiness, we can buy cool stuff for cheap”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world system that justifies child-labour as bad karma and in that I forgive me for not seen/realizing how religion justify child labour proving all too well how religion is just ‘business as usual’ in the money equation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/consider others as myself so that I can stop the abuse in this world by changing/re-educating myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that it is my responsibility to re-educate myself so that I can be an agent of change along with others who are standing up for life, otherwise I am silently approving abuses like child-labour to continue.

I commit myself to realize that only through a process of re-education that I can be an effective agent of change in this world, therefore I commit myself to the desteni process, to really take it to heart that my self-change is vital. in this I commit myself to the walking the daily writing, and reading. I see/realize if I give up on myself, naturally I would give up on those children who work as labourers.

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Day 234 – New projects at work, want to give up already? Stop old fears with breath.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear as new projects are given to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear as new projects are assigned to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for excuses to give it up already, instead of studying, researching the material, the words, the terms/terminology, the concepts and taking on the new project head on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear and experience panic within me believing/thinking that this assignment is not within my domain, which is only half the truth. Therefore I direct myself to study, investigate, learn the new materials and give it a try.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may fail miserably in this new project which is a mind projected familiar fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hear/listen and go validate my thoughts, emotions and feelings about this new project so that I can actually give it up without even trying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the new terms, and new concepts. Not realizing all I have to do is study the new terms, understand them, look them up, draw diagrams, take notes, ask the experts questions, but stand as breath, as confidence as stability in doing so, without shaking and baking wanting to give it up. I see/realize the key is first to give up the fear, breathe and then approach it with as breath, as life, as awareness here, instead of the old familiar fearful shaking self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the fear, panic, anxiety, frustration in my mind as I face this new project is the same old patterns I have had, so I am familiar with them, those are the tools of giving up. So this time around, I stand, I take this project head on, give it my best, I direct myself to study, investigate, draw, ask, learn, and give it my best. I mean it’s not I am starting from the stretch, I have examples, experts to ask questions, and some time in hand to try things out, so it makes no sense to give it up, instead I direct myself to try my best as breath, as stability, as confidence, as awareness here, without any old fears, anxieties directing me. I stop, I breathe.

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Day 231 – First, Breathe to Change the World.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize breathing is the key to slow myself down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize breathing and not thinking will assist me to slow myself down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize as mind rages through desires, wants, fears, expectations, regrets, disappointments, frustrations, worries, anxieties, what-ifs, I see/realize/ breathing is a self-support to stop the mind consciousness system from activating patterns and personalities. As I see/realize my thoughts are not mine but are produced/placed by the mind consciousness system so that I be and remain its slave.

And what if somebody/something like the mind conscious system is placing all sorts of thoughts, emotions, feelings in my mind and then I start to dance like a robot based on those thoughts/emotions/feelings, then what is there to say about me? Am I here at all? am I a directive force at all? or just a robot taking in the placed thoughts/emotions/feelings and creating hell for myself and others.

I have to accept one simple fact that I didn’t create these thoughts in such exact design, but I did follow them thought by thought. So I see/realize it is my responsibility to STOP the following of thoughts though I cannot stop the creation of thought itself. I mean all kinds of shit come to my mind, which I have allowed/accepted and participated so I follow them and become my thoughts.

So I direct myself to breathe and NOT follow the thoughts but see them for what they are, I can no longer be its slave.  Mind is energy, and its survival is controlled by the Mind Conscious system, which basically makes me a ROBOT. Therefore I see the responsiblity to breathe and remain here, because the alternative is to fully listen/follow the thoughts and allow the creation of more mind energy which can snap like a ripe volcano erupting into destruction for self and others.  And the mind conscious system will use anything and everything to activate thoughts/emotions/feelings to feed the mind with energy.

Therefore there are no half way solution to this problem, I must stand as the breath, as the pure life essence that I am by simply breathing, not allowing, participating in ANY thoughts/emotion/feeling because they are control tools to enslave me.

When and as I see myself to thinking, feeling, full of emotions, I stop, I breathe realizing that mind conscious system control activation is now in full control, and I have effectively become a dangerous slave robot who could snap anytime. So I realize it is my responsibility to STOP and breathe. This also means watching desires, wants, needs, angers, remorse, regrets, fears, worries, sadness, moods, laziness, and panic all that stuff must be observed and watch for, because they are trigger points for MCS activation to enslave me.

Therefore I see/realize breathing is the key. It stops the mind. however I realize as thoughts come up in the mind I must support myself to write about them in specific details, do self-forgiveness and self-correct in addition to breathing. Here breathing is moment by moment, in fact every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I must investigate all things that come up in my mind in detail writing and must forgive and correct. Otherwise they linger around and around growing ever expanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my thought patterns, emotional patterns in detail writing, not realizing writing is the way to lay them down and let go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize system control is extensive and its entire purpose is to waste me and enslave me to feed energy to my mind. All the while I remain a robot, a useless human who will do nothing to change this abusive world but only will feed the mind. This unacceptable. I see/realize I must breathe, write, self-forgive, correct and STOP the mind, and direct myself investigate/study the world situation. Clearly we cannot accept and allow the world money system to continue with its abuse, the planet is being killed by humanity, while I kill myself by giving into my mind/thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I realize the massive responsibility in being a human, it is to breathe, and STOP the mind so we can correct this bloody world. Not just be a robot who feeds the mind and therefore the world money system. Mind conscious system control is so extensive therefore Breathing every breath is the key to change self and then to change the world.

What’s the alternative? lets all remain robots, enslaved humans feeding our minds and thereby allowing the world money system to continue as-is, as nobody will question what’s happening out there, all too busy within their own mind worlds.

So first step breathe as self support to change this bloody hellish world.

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Day 221 – How to handle a Demon.

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Will I kill it? Will I beat the crap out of it? Will I blame it? Will I defeat it?

I realize reactions of any kind is not going to help, I must breathe and remain here, realizing the demons and I are Equal and One, at least our mind-contents are same. So if anything the demons will only show one thing to me: myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear demons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame demons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must defeat and knock down demons if and when I meet them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must blame and crush demons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that demons actually show me what I have accepted and allowed within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be nasty/mean/cruel to demons because they deserve it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should destroy demons believing they deserve it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that demons are demons because they have had horrible life experiences or upbringings in their lives which contributed to their demonic nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize it is all so easy to destroy and crush the demons because the harder thing to do is to not-react and understand their situations and assist them accordingly, first by acknowledging that demons are too springs of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that demons are LIFE also, not different to who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, reacting to demons is not the way, instead I must stand as life, as breath and assist them to overcome their issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, bombing the hell out of demons is not the way, rather communicate, discuss, and come to an agreement about how to do things and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, wanting and desiring to crush the demons is not the way, it will only persist the demonic nature of the beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my reactions to demons show what exist within me. therefore demons are actually showing me who I am, the demon that I have been within myself secretly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my reactions to demons only show the demon that I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize judging beings as demons and blaming them accordingly only makes me a demon.

When and as I see myself justifying/labeling beings as demons, I stop, I breathe, because I realize the first stage is naming people as demons and then comes the nasty attack on them, and blaming and breaking them down. So I stop, I breathe.

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Day 214 – Holidays doesn’t mean be lazy and waste time.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it’s ok to waste time and just hang around during holidays.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time thinking and believing that it’s ok to ‘take it easy’ during holidays.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, walking the desteni process is about my life, therefore holidays doesn’t mean the process is on hold. within this I forgive me for not realizing this process I am walking to deconstruct the mind patterns and install new life supporting patterns has no holidays. therefore I see/realize/understand if anything I must do more during holidays and quantify my process activities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that ‘I should take a break’ meaning not do any computer/internet activities for couple days because it’s the holidays. in this I see/realize/understand that my physical body of course needs movement/activity and rest, but that doesn’t mean complete shutdown, here I see it’s about activity management, consideration for what is best for myself, my body, my process, home, family, and some relax time without giving into excuses or mind tricks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize, reading/writing and listening to process blogs/videos are equally important, without neglecting either part. I see/realize/understand that I have postponed blog reading for a while now, which is not supportive, so I direct myself to read the blogs daily at least for good 1 hour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that a re-commitment is required here, because I see that I am spending a lot of facebook/music time for entertainment rather than using that time to actually listen/read process videos/blogs. Time is always there to read/listen, but I have avoided it by doing everything else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that listening to music can easily take up hours which I can use for process activities. Here again I need to relook at my commitment, I mean why don’t I use every breath for process activities? in this I forgive me for turning ‘relax’ time to completely postpone/avoid process activities and other activities in general just because its the holidays.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize time during holidays is not to be wasted, holidays doesn’t mean idle-days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that holidays mean that I should just aimlessly waste time and do nothing productive. in this I forgive me for not directing myself to get things done during holidays, as there are lots of things piled up to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that holidays means just shutdown, be a lazy vegetable, not realizing holidays is a time to relax, and  to have a very productive period to get things done which otherwise would have been neglected. In this I see/realize to get the best out of the holidays, it is wise to operate as a normal working day, and not goto so-called relaxing/shutdown mentality,

So during this christmas holiday break, I direct myself to observe when and where I wasting my time, and accordingly stop it, and do something useful instead. Because I see/realize time can easily go to ‘entertainment’ and ‘relaxing’ during the holidays. So I commit myself to read/write/listen and attend to the desteni-i-process activities. Basically I have no time to waste doing much ‘entertainment’ or relax or even oversleep. I see/realize in the name of holidays wasting time is so easy to do.

This one life to live, and so there are actually no holidays, no time to shutdown, as I can shutdown in the grave for eternity, so why bother to waste time now while I am living/breathing here. Therefore I direct myself to use this holidays to effectively spend time doing things that matter, either process work, home work, family work and yes bit of relaxing, entertainment, travel activities.  

I direct myself breathe and move myself to act/read/write/listen and do other physical activities instead of this ‘shutdown’ lazy mode I am in now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate holidays to laziness, therefore naturally go into a lazy, inactive mode during holidays. I stop, I breathe and I direct myself to be ACTIVE during the holidays. No wasting time.

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Day 213 – Christmas and Religious Mind Control.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to celebrate christmas throughout the years, not realizing all I did was generate exciting energy for my mind. The excitement of christmas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to goto midnight mass during christmas to celebrate the birth of jesus, not knowing/realizing/understanding anything about the religious mind-control that has been placed within me through the years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the ‘Joy to the world and the Lord has come’, without ever questioning if the king indeed had come, then, how come we have a world where 1 billion starve each day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a roman catholic and therefore submit myself to the religious traditions of the church unquestionably. within this I forgive me for following and being religious for decades not knowing what madness I was indeed doing to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely and totally submit myself into the traditions and festivals of the church, never ever questioning them at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a religious person who blindly follow god and religion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take pride in being catholic, not realizing religion was just another ego polisher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to celebrate christmas as a major festival, the once year thing, putting everything into partying for the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so high, excited and happy during christmas with festival mood, food, drinking, gifts, new clothes and all the fun that goes with it. within this I forgive me for not realizing how robotic I have been all those years, never questioning anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I had completely submitted myself to the church traditions and rules.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to year after year for decades celebrate christmas, the Joy of Lord’s birth yet no change for the better ever came by. within this I see/realize that christmas was just an ocation to party, as it never brought any change for me or for the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to totally submit myself to the capitalistic madness of gift giving and receiving during christmas. in this I see/realize how much money I end up spending during christmas making the banks and corporations all too happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, christmas has brought no change for 1 billion starving humans or for the 21,000 that die daily out of hunger or related diseases. There is no Joy for them, christmas is a party for the rich.

I let go of all the festivals that I took part over the years, I see/realize they were nothing but energy production events for my mind, and money making events for the world money system, which I blindly and robotically followed for years through mind-control. No festival has ever brought any change to this world. Therefore I let go, and stand with Equal Money System and desteni to rebirth myself and birth a world that is best for all.

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