Tag Archives: breathing

Day 301 – Can’t postpone Breathing, walk this process every breath.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that my process is to be walked in every breath, as this is not a project to be attended every now and then. This is not a retreat or a meditation getaway. I am walking this in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize every in-breath is a chance to ground myself here, in this process, not in some distant future or location.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize ‘giving up’ or ‘giving into’ the mind even once or twice is a moment where I am allowing myself to fall, and allowing the MIND to run/rule/ruin me, instead of ME directing myself in and as every breath by grounding myself HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that I cannot postpone or procrastinate my process, as this is really unfolding within each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that I cannot postpone or procrastinate my breathing, the breath here cannot be postponed, therefore I see/realize and direct myself to breathe this breath HERE. I mean, I cannot say: “ok, now let me think about this fantasy for a moment and then later on let me breathe”, that’s pure dishonest, that’s abuse of self-forgiveness, because when I have the ability to STOP, I still allow myself to participate in the mind, which is self-dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that in every breath I have the ability to STOP participating in the mind, and BREATHE. If not, I am deliberately participating in thinking and allowing myself, my body to be depleted by the mind for its own survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that not breathing effectively is kind of making room for self-abuse to happen. And wherever there is self-abuse, abusing of other lives will normally happen. So in this I see/realize that I have a great responsibility to stop the mind and breathe here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance towards effective breathing, and resistance towards writing self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance towards writing self-forgiveness, because I am secretly thinking ‘oh I am too tired to write and definitely too tired to speak the self-forgiveness now’, not seen/realizing that mind-tiredness is a mind-program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize lack of breathing effectively is a cause/root for resistance to be here, so I direct myself to breathe effectively and write self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance towards breathing, just been here, as if I have to be somewhere else, in some mind-location.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience mind-tiredness which is a program. So I direct myself to breathe, and be here.

I commit myself to breathe effectively, seen/realizing that every missed breath is a chance gone by, so I breathe, to be here in and as my physical body.

I commit myself to see/realize that every time I participate in the mind, it’s a chance gone by because I am allowing the mind to grow/glow while it depletes my body. I am here, I am breathing.

I commit myself to speak and write self-forgiveness pushing myself through the resistances, not allowing the mind to stop, or create feelings of tiredness. Because I see mind-tiredness is a system-program of the mind, it is NOT REAL.

I commit myself to walk this self-forgiveness journey, investigating, looking at what I have accepted and allowed within me. This is not a blame game, this is not a show off, this is self-realization and self-examination, this is writing myself to freedom. 

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Day 276: Self-Honesty is KEY to Self-Correction.

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Daily writing is a commitment, I mean they wouldn’t have named it ‘daily writing’ if it means write when you can or when you feel like it. That’s the thing about daily writing, it must be written daily, every day. Yesterday I wrote yesterday’s blog, but I couldn’t’ finish it, so today I finished it and now focusing on today’s blog, basically 1.5 blogs for today, not cool. I say write 1 per day, and write that 1 per day as a commitment to daily writing.

Another vital point I have to face in my daily writing is, what am I writing about? For whom am I writing this for? I mean am I writing this as a ‘journal’ for others to read, those are cool questions, if not properly understood I could end up deluding myself. First and foremost, this is self-writing; this is my own guideline I am setting for myself, by looking at my own points to sort them out. I mean, this blog in no way whatsoever a publication for others.

But then one could ask the question why do I even publish? Well, this is shared, yes, but not shared as a newspaper or something to get or keep the readers occupied. This is simply sharing my SHIT out, and by reading this if you find that you too have similar shit then, perhaps this might show you some tips for you to work on yourself, but this is MY GUIDELINE for me, and this will NOT BE YOUR guideline, not at all.

That’s an important reminder for myself that I am writing as self-writing. I am writing this for me, to sort my shit out. Because in the deep secret background of my mind there is a voice saying “do a good job so the readers will like your blog”. Now that’s the height of self-delusion, naming it ‘Journey to Life’ but really wanting attention from others. Sharing is cool, no doubt, but this is not about others, this writing is about ME. This is MY JOURNEY TO LIFE.

So that brings home a cool point. I must really dig deep into points, have to really see/examine in total self-honesty, and I must write things as a guideline for myself. How would I make quick little notes to remind things for myself? Just like that, this is a reminder to me, a guideline to me. Certainly this can assist others, that’s a bonus, but I am not a publication for others, this is self-writing, for self-correction, for self-change. I still care to produce a readable, clean, decent piece of writing every day, but the content is entirely about myself, my SHIT, done in complete self-honesty.

There is no point in deceiving myself. I would be wasting 7 years in doing so. Hence it’s vital I really see how I write, am I preaching? Who am I preaching to? Or am I writing to myself as a guideline?

A sincere, clear, clean through self-look at myself is what this journal is all about, otherwise I am only pretending here, am I pretending to correct myself here? Am I pretending to forgive myself here? Am I pretending to correct points? Am I trying to look like a cool destonian? I mean it’s obvious, honesty within self is absolutely paramount here, if any change to take place at all. No self-honesty, no change. Simple.

Showing off my change is a clear sign that I am not changing, just playing good old game with a new name. So again, my honestly within me, call it self-honesty, is vital here. Breathing is important in this regard, breathing to sort of verify within me what the fuck am I writing. Breathe, pause, write, and breathe, check-within as Anu would nicely put it.

I commit myself to breathe as I write so that I can verify/check to myself that I am not wondering into show-off land.  

I commit myself to look within as I write, to see the self-honesty of my expression, my guideline here. So that I won’t be deluding myself.

I commit myself look at the points in complete self-honesty, not just gloss over it, not just pick and chose the aspects of a point, rather to investigate in full honesty about a given point. Because I see I can ‘present’ a part of myself just to be cool, which is really not cool. It would self-delusion.

I commit myself to slow down, not rush, not write just to get a blog out, but rather slow down as in breathing, and then look a point for the day. In this I commit myself to be humble, not hard on myself, not judgmental, not fake, not crony, not pretending, no self-deluding.

I commit myself to realize that this self-writing process is a journey of self-correction and so there couldn’t be anything fake or bullshit in that, because bullshitting implies I am lying so clearly self-correction cannot even begin when there are LIES.

I commit myself to look at myself and actually dig things out, but self-honesty first.

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Day 264 – Return to Breathing again and again to stop Landmines in the mind.

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Again, I return to the point of breathing, because I see that until I establish myself effectively in breathing, things can only look gloom. I mean, so many nasty thoughts/emotions and feelings shoot up in my head, so giving into any of them will compound issues and will deplete the body.

Breathing is power, it’s the power of me, power of self, giving myself the power, instead of having the mind be the master/power source, because it is clear now mind doesn’t have my best interest at its heart, that’s cool, my mind doesn’t have my best interest at its heart (so here I see how I separate myself from my mind). I am my mind. so mind is the power, not me as the Being-ness of me.

So here I am, seen/realizing that not allowing even one thought is crucial, I mean, one thought can easily compound and pile on things, moments later I will be drowning in a sea of thoughts and emotions/feelings, all that starts with ONE thought. And seen pictures can easily trigger thoughts in the head. Today I saw a nice photo of this hindi actress, wow, that’s it my head was filled with all sorts of thoughts. At the same its a cool moment, because immediately saw that I can return to breathing and can simply stop the self-abuse. I think I was some what successful in stopping it, I recall breathing, and grounding myself here in and as breathing. It takes effort, and bit of self-push to get that done

Mind can throw all kinds of shit, I mean, there is no shortage of things for the mind to come up with, it could be anything, bit like walking on a land full of landmines, mind can just throw unexpected stuff from nowhere, a sudden thought, a sudden feeling, a sudden picture, an old memory, an annoyance, anger, irritation, some botheration, something, anything, little stuff usually, then viola, I am on it, me the rider ride blissfully on the emotions/feelings/thoughts produced by the master mind.

So in breathing, return to breath, again and again. Today I saw this, when I spoke to PB, I got hit by some angry thoughts, good thing I didn’t let it compound, I kept on breathing, I mean, WTF, why even bother to waste my mind/thoughts/body on PB? That in itself is a waste, and top of that thinking which creates depletion/harm to the body.

So its double blow for me today, entertaining thoughts about PB was a complete waste,  wtf, am I creating a new mind-entity to occupy me. And then I am allowing the mind to deplete the body by thinking shit about PB.

So I stop, I breathe. When and as I see myself getting on and on within my mind, I see/realize that I have hit a landmine in my mind, so I stop, I breathe, realizing it doesn’t  mater what I am actually thinking about, because the VERY ACT OF THINKING in itself is the problem. I mean why the fuck am I thinking about PB anyways. fuck. so I stop, I breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, ‘thinking’ IS THE PROBLEM, not the actual issue that I am thinking about, therefore I see/realize the moment I hit a landmine in my mind, I direct myself to stop, and I breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the moment I see a picture/photo/image, I can see that my will start the engine of thinking, so I stop, I breathe realizing that ‘THINKING is the PROBLEM’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the moment I see that I am justifying, blaming, scolding, debating, INSIDE my mind, I stop, I breathe, in seen/realizing that I have hit a landmine in my mind.

So this is where I am at, work in progress, sort to speak, this is my work, really, to STOP my mind from taking over me. That whinny nagging screamy voice that I hear inside my head justifying blaming scolding people. This one single point is my workload until I really ground myself in STOPPING my mind from taking over me. I am the master, not my mind.

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Day 258 – Memories: Tools of Revenge.

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Self forgiveness means to lay the past at rest and live every breath as a new life. – Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that ‘letting go’ of the past means that every breath is new, a fresh life, no burden of past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that LIVING means no past, just here, as breath as physical as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my memories are tools of revenge, as I have allowed them to dictate/direct me. within this I see/realize how I participate in memories and thereby keep repeating the same old shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize living in the past memories is like being a dead man, a thing of the past, instead of being here in and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize LIVING means no memory based decision making, instead simply seen/realizing what is best for all, and just doing that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my memories are so important and I must hang onto them, so I can use them as tools of revenge, to get even, an eye for an eye, within this I see/realize this is not LIVING rather LIVING-to-take-REVENGE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my memories will give me power and victory over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize thinking about the past memories is a total waste of time and depletion of the body. in this I see/realize how a whole life time can be wasted in dwelling in the past memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize it is useless that I advice people to get out their minds and thinking yet I allow myself to indulge completely in the mind in as the past memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I must let go as in let go of the emotions/feelings that are attached to past memories while ‘forgetting’ the past, meaning not bringing the past up in spite and revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when and as I speak to another ‘being to being’ not mind to mind, I am in fact communicating with myself as another, this is why it is important to not let the mind as memories to dictate, instead breathe and I direct myself to support another as myself as I would like to be supported.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize by bringing up the past memories in conversations, I am only spitting at another as myself instead of supporting another as myself.

When and as I see myself bringing up the past memories into this moment in conversations, I stop, I breathe, in seen/realizing that I am not supporting another as myself when I bring the past here. Instead I direct myself to stop and breathe, so that I can support another as myself.

When and as I see myself being stuck in some past memory replays, I STOP, I breathe, in seen/realizing that my mind has hit the ‘replay’ button which is not very self-supportive, so I stop, I breathe.

When and as I see myself bringing memories here, I stop, I breathe. In seen/realizing that another is myself, so how well could I support another if I bring the past here? so I stop, I breathe.

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Day 257 – Knowledge is useless without application.

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This is something I have to take to heart, ‘knowledge is useless without application’. All that self forgiveness and self commitment statements I have written will be effectively useless if I don’t LIVE them, so that’s a big challenge. Have to live, direct in the physical reality, where the rubber meets the road as they say.

The best ‘force’ to assist me in this is GOD, yes GOD, the GOD that gives me LIFE, and who is that: Breath. Because simply, if the breath stops I am done. So breathing is the power, the force that can assist me in actually LIVING the change. For this I have to take a moment to actually Breathe and give myself that moment to stop, to enter that infinite moment where I can actually take a look here, the moment and direct myself accordingly. Because now what’s happening is me simply blindly jump into a situation without proper awareness of it. This is where breathing comes handy, not just a handy tool, rather a force for change, a force against resistance, a force against anger, a force against mind’s energies.

So to live any KNOWLEDGE as in application of daily life, the foremost thing to do is breathe, become aware of the breath/breathing, only then I can see/understand the moment here and its contents. As I see/face a situation, or my own mind and its turbulent contents, I could direct myself to actually change, to actually take a ‘positive’ step instead of falling back into the same old preprogrammed behaviour of the past. Same past, same future, basically then future is nothing but the past shit awaiting to happen all over again.

This point is also related to improving communication, LISTEN. LISTEN to my own words, as much as I should LISTEN to another speak. As I hear me, I can ground me in and as the physical. Breathe and enter any moment. As I enter the moment in the physical, where the great dramas await me, then I breathe with awareness, take a moment to slow down, to stop, and in that silent split second moment, I decide/direct myself to ‘change’ in considering what is best for all. Unfortunately even the body over time has been trained to rush in, to do the same of shit. It might even shake and shiver in fear of change, but change it must become. I must live it, in the physical, moment by moment, breath by breath.

Self-forgiveness and self-corrections will assist me releasing the past and scripting a new path, yet I must LIVE it, must put the knowledge into application. For that I breathe every breath with awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize until I breathe with awareness, until I direct myself to breathe every breath with awareness, until I ground myself in and as breath/breathing, I am really not giving myself a chance to LIVE the KNOWLEDGE as actual physical APPLICATION. I see/realize knowledge is useless without application, and that is so much true until I breathe with awareness. Because only through breathing with awareness can knowledge become application, at least there is a chance to.

I commit myself to investigate/check within myself every now and then to make sure I breathe with awareness, so to not get lost in the mind for hours long. I commit myself to return again and again to breathing/breath. I see/realize that when I am not breathing with awareness the whole of me is NOT here, so the mind elements can direct me instead, as they become my second nature, doing things blindly/unconsciously instead of me directing myself to do/live as breath/life.

Breathing with awareness is the secret to change, until then knowledge is useless, because it has no application in the physical as I am lost somewhere in my mind and not here.

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Day 232 – Pay attention, Slow down, Breathe to save Money, and reduce Mistakes.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush, rush within my mind and within the physical activities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush as I write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush as I read.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush as I type, instead of typing as I breathe, without a rush, yet not slowing down but pacing myself with breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush with the mind, want to get somewhere but never here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush while I read, in that turn reading into scanning and thereby missing, neglecting key points and missing points to correct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush within my mind, get lost in the imagination, thinking, worrying and daydreaming, back-chat even while I read or write. in this I see/realize I must breathe, and be here, with the physical as I type, read, write words here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to slide into the mind’s pictures, images, stories, even while I read or write. in this I see/realize breathing is key self-support. Even as I type a word, character by character is my awareness here, am I breathing here as I hit each key on the keyboard? or am I lost in the dream/mind? is this I see/realize breathing, and bringing my awareness, myself here as I read/write is self support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in the mind even as I type the letters/words on the keyboard, in that missing/mistaking/misspelling. I see/realize breathing often, more, consistently, moment by moment, is the key.

When and as I read or write, I direct myself breathe and ground myself as self-support so I am HERE. I realize typing each word requires my attention/awareness here, within each letter, key, in this I see/realize getting lost in the mind/fantasy/emotions/feelings is not self supporting. I breathe.

I commit myself to breathe realizing that breathing every breath, and not missing even a breath is key to life, otherwise I am a part-time if not full-time zombie lost in the mind. So I direct myself, commit myself to breathe, be here.

Of course, breathing, been here, paying attention can assist in making less mistakes and therefore saving money too.

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Day 210 – Making fun of religious people is foolish. I direct myself to speak Common Sense.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for making stupid/funny remarks in the hope of joining conversations, and being centre of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as more important and of higher quality than religious people because I can see the bullshit of religion. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be funny and force myself to be funny so that I can participate with religious people as the centre of attention in religious debates. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force myself into conversations through making stupid/funny comments within the belief that my humour will grant me quick access and will make me the centre of attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fun of religious people and make fun of theirs Gods. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask rather silly questions or stupid questions just to open a conversation within the hope of being the centre of attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make nasty religious comments just to annoy religious people. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as superior to religious people and therefore make nasty/funny/mean comments to knock down their faiths. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, its due to lack of me breathing and not being here as breath is the reason why I am making stupid/mean/funny comments to get attention of the religious people. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, not breathing, not approaching each moment equally is my problem here. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tease religious people with snide remarks and stupid comments so that I can be part a debate/conversation and be in the centre of their attention by being holding onto opposite views than them, just to irritate them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek attention of the religious people by making stupid/snide remarks about their faiths and in doing so hope to be in the centre of their attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be the centre of religious debates and thereby get the attention of all. This is all a play to get attention for my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, within  conversations I am not really having a conversation or getting to know others as myself, as my only interest is getting their attention therefore I allow myself to make stupid/funny/snide comments against their faiths. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am not breathing within each moment, and I am not directing myself as breath as I face each moment. I see/realize treating all as equals is the key, instead of only wanting/projecting/seeking attention as I enter/face each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pick and chose whom to talk or whom to avoid so that I can get the most attention. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be HERE as breath, as life, as I enter/face each moment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, there is no need to be funny/rude/mean/stupid to enter a conversation, all I have to do is simply breathe and remain as physical here, in that only speak common sense and what is best for all. I see/realize/understand teasing religious people and seeking to be in the centre of attention is a total mind fuck on my part. I let go. 

When and as I face religious people or any group of people to enter a conversation with them, I stop making stupid/funny/snide comments to force myself to be the centre of their attention, in this I see/realize all I am doing is seeking energy for my mind. So I stop, I breathe and I enter the conversations as Breath/breathing and I direct myself to speak only that which is best for all and common sense. I see/realize there is no point in making stupid/funny/snide remarks to knock down religious people. And I direct myself to see them as equals instead of seen them as less than me.  

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Day 178 – Thinking is love and light. Breathing is entering unknown darkness.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, it is fear of the unknown that keeps me stuck in thinking about familiar stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, it is my fear of been here as breath, as the unknown, is the root reason to believe in my familiarities and memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown within the breath, because living or supporting myself with 4-count breathing is entering the unknown at will, which is a very scary thing for me as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown because me as the mind loves to exist in and as memories, pictures, photos, stories, what-ifs, projections, imaginations, and fantasies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the preprogrammed mind pauses the moment I enter the unknown as breathing/breath here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the darkness of the unknown breath here holds the key, not the light of thinking thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the unknown darkness of this breath here is the key, and entering it, living in it as breathing/breath is the solution, not giving into the fear of this unknown darkness.

When and as I see myself desiring to be in the love and light of thinking, I stop, I enter the darkness of the unknown as breathing/breathe here, supporting myself with 4 count breathing or belly breathing. Because I see/realize/understand that fearing the unknown keeps me stuck in the mind in and as thinking and memories.

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Day 148 – Stop Inner Conflicts with Breathing.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like conflicts and looking for conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize just giving into mind’s crazy thoughts is the root cause of conflict seeking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the sole objective of desiring conflicts is to gain emotional energy from others in the form of their reactions and attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for conflicts and react to others in way that will bring conflicts, instead of breathing and speaking in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the origin of conflict is self-conflict, when I am in conflict within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my self-conflict is something I project onto others through external conflicts, all done to gain emotional energy from others and to consume my physical substance to gain energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize, giving into that one thought, “just one more thought” like that song “just one more night” is the trigger to create self-conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in battle with others demanding others to satisfy my needs and wants.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others must make me happy, within this I forgive me for believing that I can blame others for every feeling I have; within the belief that others have created these feelings for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, nobody is responsible for my happiness, or nobody can create or remove the feelings within my mind. within this I forgive me for not realizing that I must stand as breath, where nothing moves within me, no energy, no thoughts, no feelings, no emotions. Simply me standing here as breathe of life.

Within this I see/realize/understand, I have to drop expectations, ideas, hopes, and simply breathe here and remain as physical, this ONE LIFE to live, breathe and do what is best for all.   Within this I see/realize/understand, my battles, conflicts, addictions to conflicts are all about getting attention/energy for my mind, therefore I simply breathe and remain here.

I realize 1 billion humans starving tonight, while here I am creating conflicts in demand for more energy for my mind. Is this my life? Is this how I am going to live my whole life? in conflict with self and in conflict with others?

When and as I see myself gearing for conflicts, I stop, I breathe. I realize it is my responsibility to stop the inner conflict, so that I can actually stop the conflicts in this world. how can I stop the starvation of 1 billion humans, if I cannot even stop the conflict within me? So I direct myself to Breathe and remain here as physical.

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Day 147 – Is your Life a waste? Breathe.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live with ideas about myself, held as pictures, opinions, views, beliefs, expectations and wants.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am not living my life, rather, I am trying to fit myself into a picture of what my life should be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scan through a list of life-profiles that I have kept stored within my mind, which I try to create within the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the day I was born I had no life-profiles within my mind, I came empty minded, then, I learned and stored my life-profiles within me, and ever since then trying to manifest my life-profiles, as in how I should live and what/how my life should look like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am like a capitalist who wants to get the ‘most’ out of life, so that I can be the most happy regardless any consequence for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my entire set of life-profiles is driven by self-interest, desires and wants.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how my life should be by now, is all driven by my desires and wants.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have certain ideas, pictures, life-profiles about what a man in his 40s should be/look like. within this I forgive me for believing that my life is a defeat, a loss, because I don’t fit into the picture I have about 40s man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a man of my age should have accomplished this and that, must own this and that, and within that I forgive me for not living upto my self-made life-profile of a 40s man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my picture, life-profile is driven by my wants and desires. within this I forgive me for not realizing, living is just living here within the physical in what is best for all, not trying to twist reality to fit into my mind’s life-profile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having made certain life decisions early on, so that I could have manifested a perfect life-profile for a man in his 40s by now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view my life as full of lacks because my life no longer fits into my mind’s life-profile, and therefore I forgive me for not living here as breath, no life-profiles, no pictures, no life-plans, just living as breath here as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a real loser because I have nothing what a man of his 40s must have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I lost early on in my life because the decisions I have made, and still regret and feel bad for them, and within that I forgive me for living a life of regrets simply because I see my life as not what a man of 40s should be like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, this one life to live, soon death will be here, so the question to ask: how do I want to live the rest of my life, from 43 to the last years? within this I forgive me for not realizing my life has only one purpose and mission and that is to birth me as life through the physical and birth an equal money system for all. Because I see/realize/understand that living my life in regrets, worries, sorrows because my life doesn’t fit into a mind life-profile, is a real waste of the remaining years of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, having walked thus far with desteni and still not making it would be a real waste of my life. therefore I see/realize/understand that my life is not about meeting petty little life-profiles/pictures/ideas I have created within my mind, rather living my life breath by breath and birthing a heaven on earth for all to live in dignity.

Even if I have the perfect life-profiles of a man in his 40s, what-if I have the perfect wife, the perfect kids, perfect job, perfect house, perfect parents, perfect families and perfect siblings, perfect retirement plans, and now what? death will still get me. So I realize/see/understand that I must walk the rest of my life in total dedication to birth myself as life and birth heaven on earth, not allowing any petty emotional sideshows to drive me based on pictures/photos/desires/wants/ideas/life-profiles I have built within my mind.

When and as I see myself comparing my life against my mind made life-profiles/ideas/pictures/photos within my mind, I stop it, I breathe, realizing that my life is HERE in each breath, and so I commit myself to doing what is best for all, and birthing a world that best for all.

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