Tag Archives: breath

Day 283 – At Death Breathing Stops. So Breathe with Awareness.

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I have to breathe with awareness; this is a point I have to return again and again, I mean, breathing with awareness is a basic step in birthing myself as LIFE through the physical. The breath is here, its available right here, right now, no time is needed, as I am breathing right this moment. So grounding myself in this in-breath and out-breath is the key. I mean without grounding myself here in this breath, I would only be manipulating myself. There is no way out of this breath, I have to face and direct this breath. And that is possible only when breathing with awareness. Just shallow breathing is not cool, because shallow breath will not stop the MOVIE in the mind. I am breathing.

Not breathing with awareness would also mean living a life of a movie, a running movie we call it LIFE, but really it’s a movie, thoughts, emotions, feelings, ideas, photos, pictures, memories, fears, hurts, angers, projections, blame, mind characters and all that exist because I am NOT breathing here with awareness.

Breathing is a moment of self-intimacy, when done with awareness. I mean it requires self-application, it requires stepping outside the thinking box, the pre-programmed BOX, called the mind. So easy to live the in the box, so EASY to follow the mind, the box, no wonder they say ‘think outside of the box’. It’s about thinking with BREATHING, and expanding awareness.

I am awareness, I am breathing, but am I aware of the whole breath? Am I aware of the in-breath, and the out-breath; am I holding the breath for a second or two for that infinite moment? That holding point is cool, because it really assists in cutting the stream of thoughts, the MOVIE. Otherwise just non-stop continuous stream of thoughts running like a river, endless, unceasing, even in sleep I am thinking.

I don’t remember any thoughts from yesterday, or the day before, last weekend, last month, last year, last decade, nope, I don’t’ remember a thing, but I know one thing, that I WAS THINKING for sure during those times endlessly. I mean I have been thinking every living moment of my life so far. What a shame. Never took a break from thinking. That’s why breathing with awareness and putting that 1-2 second pause is cool, vital breaks in the movie. Pausing at the both ends of the breath is bit challenging, but wow, what a way to STOP the movie, the mind. At least 1 pause must be applied, in-breath, pause, let go.

What is life: Set of breaths. I wonder if the number of breaths in a life could be counted, let me do a small math here: from Google I see on average 20 breaths per minute. So; 20 x 60 x 24 x 365 x 80, that’s the number of breaths on average for 80 years of living, some 780+ million breaths a lifetime. BUT NOT a single breath was taken with AWARENESS, it is completely an AUTOMATIC mindless job, wow, what a waste.

And what happens during those AUTOMATIC breathing? I simply get lost in the mind, gone somewhere, thoughts, emotions, feelings, ideas, fears, worries ,anxieties, lust, greed, anger, jealousy, suspicious, doubt, hate, rage, desires, wants, needs, competition, laziness, lethargy, depression occupies the mind, and it would take only ONE breath to ACT out on some stupid instant mad craziness which could even lead to murder. See everything happens in ONE breath, explosion of accumulated mind energy happens in ONE breath. That’s why breathing with awareness is the KEY.

What a waste to just breathe automatically and be unaware of every single breath, and in that let the body get consumed by the mind. Yes that’s what happening during thinking, the mind consumes the physical BODY, the substance. So it’s a slow death coming with each automatic breathing/thinking.

So living with awareness is a key, and that starts with Breathing, breathe with awareness. I direct myself to pause after each in-breath, because I see/realize it will assist me in stopping the mind movie, and it will assist me in establishing stability and expanding my awareness. Yes this is a key challenge for me, to PAUSE after each in-breath, I mean for sure, that will slow down the automation. I direct myself to breathe with awareness, by pausing at the end of each in-breath. I see/realize otherwise the mind MOVIE will start, with pictures, thoughts, emotions, feelings ever ready to jump in and take the center stage within my mind, so the mind can feed of my physical body.

Take one breath with awareness, see the difference. I am here, I am intimate with myself, I am aware of myself, I can see HERE, I can see thoughts are looking jump in, emotions are looking jump in, same with feelings. At last, I have the realization, I am HERE in this moment, at least in this one moment of breathing.

I commit myself to pause at the end of each in-breath. I commit myself to pause/HOLD the breath because I see/realize that will assist me in STOPPING the MOVIE in the mind, where I am just a clown/character/joker until the show ends at death, and then I am no more.

I commit myself to slow down, I commit myself to realize that this breathing act is absolutely vital to do with awareness, otherwise I am just wasting away remaining millions of breath, then one fine moment, all is GONE, OVER, as death stops the breath. It’s like a bank account of breaths, as I keep withdrawing, the deposit is shrinking, common sense. Someday soon none will be left, DEATH will be HERE. And then what? Having listened to so many life-reviewer interviews I know, death is not a welcoming thing, better to LIVE and get the job done here. I am here now, I am alive, so might as well breathe with AWARENESS, and direct myself to self-change and world-change.

No change is ever possible without BREATHING with awareness. That’s the basic starting point: The breath: I breathe.

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Day 265 – Breathing with full body awareness to stop the background music/thinking in the mind.

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“I would sit and accumulate every part of my body as one as equal as myself with confirmed certainty through steady awareness – Any fluctuation, thought, feeling or attempt that involves the mind would indicate not in fact merging as the physical body. Within this one must realize the original point of life from your total existence perspective is your body and that the mind only developed later and your current consciousness was created by the mind, thus you cannot use the mind for this and you must deprogram it, forgive it till it no longer exists and you are completely content being here as breath as body without the need to think or feel or add emotions.” – Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, when not breathing with awareness my mind is always running in the background, like background music, its always making some noise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, mind as background music is not acceptable, in this I see/realize breathing with awareness means NO mind movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, all those little fading noises I hear in the background is unacceptable, because that means mind is still running like background music, making its presence known with small sounds and I see/realize if I don’t stop it, the noise will increase.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize breathing with the whole body is the solution, meaning having the attention/awareness within the whole body in and as each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that even for a small noise to exist in my mind, I must give attention to it, therefore implying that I am not 100% here in and as the breath/physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, even the tiniest noise in the head means my attention is caught up in the mind, not here as breath/body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that tinny background noise in the head is a seed which can quickly turn into a tsunami. Therefore I see/realize even the tiniest noise must stop, must not participate in them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize breathing with the whole body is the answer, breathing with the awareness of the whole body, a sense of I am here, as physical, as body, as breath, as breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I live breath by breath, so why not breathe each breath with awareness instead of getting lost in the mind/thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my whole body is here, my breath is here, but where is ME? am I lost in the mind/thinking/thoughts/emotions and feelings? in this I see/realize that I must be aware of my whole body, as if I am breathing with the whole body.

I direct myself to breathe with the whole body, meaning, have my awareness within the body as I breathe.

I direct myself to stop the tiny background noises in the head by directing my attention, awareness into the body.

I direct myself to realize the body, the physical, the breath was here before the mind or the consciousness.

I direct myself to realize that mind and consciousness depends the physical body, substance to exist, and so they don’t exist after death.

I direct myself to breathe and breathe and breathe with the awareness in the body, so I am here content being just breathing without wanting, needing, seeking mind/thoughts/emotions/feelings to guide me.

I stop, I breathe, I live.

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Day 258 – Memories: Tools of Revenge.

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Self forgiveness means to lay the past at rest and live every breath as a new life. – Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that ‘letting go’ of the past means that every breath is new, a fresh life, no burden of past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that LIVING means no past, just here, as breath as physical as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my memories are tools of revenge, as I have allowed them to dictate/direct me. within this I see/realize how I participate in memories and thereby keep repeating the same old shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize living in the past memories is like being a dead man, a thing of the past, instead of being here in and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize LIVING means no memory based decision making, instead simply seen/realizing what is best for all, and just doing that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my memories are so important and I must hang onto them, so I can use them as tools of revenge, to get even, an eye for an eye, within this I see/realize this is not LIVING rather LIVING-to-take-REVENGE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my memories will give me power and victory over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize thinking about the past memories is a total waste of time and depletion of the body. in this I see/realize how a whole life time can be wasted in dwelling in the past memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize it is useless that I advice people to get out their minds and thinking yet I allow myself to indulge completely in the mind in as the past memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I must let go as in let go of the emotions/feelings that are attached to past memories while ‘forgetting’ the past, meaning not bringing the past up in spite and revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when and as I speak to another ‘being to being’ not mind to mind, I am in fact communicating with myself as another, this is why it is important to not let the mind as memories to dictate, instead breathe and I direct myself to support another as myself as I would like to be supported.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize by bringing up the past memories in conversations, I am only spitting at another as myself instead of supporting another as myself.

When and as I see myself bringing up the past memories into this moment in conversations, I stop, I breathe, in seen/realizing that I am not supporting another as myself when I bring the past here. Instead I direct myself to stop and breathe, so that I can support another as myself.

When and as I see myself being stuck in some past memory replays, I STOP, I breathe, in seen/realizing that my mind has hit the ‘replay’ button which is not very self-supportive, so I stop, I breathe.

When and as I see myself bringing memories here, I stop, I breathe. In seen/realizing that another is myself, so how well could I support another if I bring the past here? so I stop, I breathe.

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Day 217 – Breathe Every Breath otherwise get lost in the mind.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in the moment and forget to breathe in that really get lost in the moment through the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught in the moment of chat, jokes, laughter, humour, and fun within that I forgive me for forgetting to breathe each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that some moments I can ‘relax’ and take it easy meaning I don’t have to breathe each breath, in this I see/realize I have left a backdoor open to get lost in the mind so that I dont’ have to be HERE each breath/moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind and its contents are so important that I must not breathe and go entertain my mind, within this implication I forgive me for not realizing every moment of breath I must be here breathing and NOT get lost in the mind, the program, the machine, the mining machine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to really get lost in the mind during conversations, jokes and humour, during which I simply abdicate my responsibility to BREATHE and be here, instead totally get caught in the entertainment of the mind, and just get lost. in this I see/realize/understand, each moment, each breath I must be here as breathing/breath without giving into the machine, the program that mines the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize getting lost in the mind and its contents is the way to get lost in living here in the practical reality with other beings. Because as I think/imagine/worry/backchat I am abdicating my responsibility for LIVING here, and letting the mining machine to mine my physical body and its substance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the reason separation exist because I exist in my mind and its contents, the machine is meant for separation while the physical exist in oneness and equality with all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize because I exist in my mind I exist as fears/separation not seen/realizing the oneness and equality that is here. in this I see/realize/ that breathing is the key to live/experience the oneness and equality that is already here. Just being in the mind all I can see is separation and its consequences like fear, anger, rage, rape, hurt, killing, murder, war, abuse etc. It is the mind that kills.

I direct myself to breathe, every breath, specially when I am communicating with others, so that I will not get lost in the chat and be lost altogether like zombie. I stop and I breathe grounding myself here, so that I will consider what I am speaking before I utter any rubbish.

I commit myself to realize that EVERY BREATH matters not just some, therefore I realize that I must breathe every breath to the fullest and be HERE in every moment of living. It is not acceptable to be lost in moments in the mind and be a zombie. I stop, I breathe and I direct myself to LIVE here.

Day 56 – Making noise inside the head is Not Living.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start my mornings with backchat, giving into the automated thinking process that goes nowhere. The unceasing voice/chatter/noise in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start my day with nasty thoughts/voice in the head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry in thoughts, in my morning backchats. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry, nasty and mean in my voice in the head and in this I forgive myself for starting my day with backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to demonize others within my mind by thinking nasty shit about others in the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the voice in my head with absolute certainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the voice in my head as if it is the real deal, the voice of truth and reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the voice in my head is just that, a voice, it has nothing to do with reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage myself in thinking/counter-thinking/debating/scolding/blaming/yelling/arguing all within my mind, as if a whole houseful of people inside my head all wanting to destroy and blame others for something. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the voice in my head  assumes so much power and direction in my life which I have given it and allowed it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to replay memories and old shit just to fuel the voice in my head and in this I forgive myself for starting my day with backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give reality to my thoughts hence the voices in my head. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider the voice in my head as the authority of life, not realizing the voice in my head is the voice of my mind wanting/seeking/desiring energy to fuel itself and its survival as ego at any cost. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to torture my body as life-energy is sucked up by the thinking process, by the voice in my head as it transform physical substance into mind energy. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the voice in my head, and live my whole life directed by the voice in the head. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live like a zoombie just directed/pushed/pulled by the voice in my head, this unceasing thinking that happens in quantum time consuming my physical body thought by thought. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider a reality other than the reality of my voice in the head, as I have accepted the voice in my head as the ultimate reality and authority of life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the voice in my head is mostly filled with anger, hate, judgment, lust and blame towards others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others within my thoughts. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn humans into demons within my mind, within the voice in my head. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create hell on earth by listening to the voice in my head, by participating in the voice in my head. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the voice in my head has only one interest and that is self-interest, its own very survival. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am sharing this earth with billions of other beings and within my voice only my self-interest exist. Never considering another even for a moment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the mind energy/the voice has been there within all humans for eons and all that ended at death. The voice in my head ends at death. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that here in this breath I have the choice to live as breath as life without participating within the voice in my head. The Hereness of life is available as I step out of my voice in the head. Yet I mistakenly believe that thinking as life/aliveness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist my whole life within the voice in my head. And with death this voice ends, my body returns to dust, then all is over, a life lived in and by the voice in the head. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from this entire existence as I participate in the voice in my head. The voice in the head cuts me off from reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cut me off from reality by living within the voice in my head. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide/sleep as I have allowed the voice in the head to be the author/director of my life. in this I forgive myself for giving up on myself and letting voices run my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this voice in the head as the final and ultimate authority of my life, and it knows everything. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entirely disregard the physical oneness and equality of all, as I live only by the voice in the head. The voice cuts off physical oneness and equality into separate pieces. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entirely disregard life as I only live by the voice in my head. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entirely disregard my physical beingness of me, my physical body, as I only live within and by the voice in the head. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entirely disregard my breath and breathing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entirely disregard my physical beingness here as I live only within the voice in my head. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the responsibility to stop participating in the voice in my head, and live here as breath. Because I see/realize that my voice in the head exist only if I participate in it. As I breathe there is no voice in the head. 

When and as I see that I am ‘lost in thought’ I STOP, I breathe, realizing very well that getting lost in the voice in my head is not LIVING. It just making mental noise. So I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to breathe, and I direct myself to get engage in physical activity.

I breathe.

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Day 17 – “I Breathe Therefore I Am”. Descartes Got it Totally Wrong.

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Day 17: Descartes Got it Wong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my backchats, by saying ‘well I need have this chat’ just for now, ‘I need this indulgence’ just for now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into backchat as if I am giving into some sort of indulgence, (just once only this time I will do it).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see backchat as some sort of hideaway where I can escape from physical reality and indulge myself in all sorts of nasty feeling-good thoughts and fancies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my backchat indulgence is not without consequences, I will be held accountable for every single thought I engage in within my backchat (by myself as my own judge).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that endless, mindless, insane thoughts I engage in will have consequences, I mean, its like speaking words that nobody can hear. just because nobody can hear doesn’t mean those silent words have no consequences. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize it is my unwillingness remain as breath here is the reason to engage in the backchat. Also backchat is silent awesome feel-good entertainment, nobody can see it, nobody can hear it, its all fun just for me, and just for my pleasure. 

In spite of the repeated reminders how backchat, that endless mind taking back hurts the human physical body, I still engage in backchat for the joy and pleasure of thinking bullshit. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thinking is a pleasure, anything goes up there in the head is just perfectly fine: Anger, violence, rage, rape, murder, suicide, robbery, hate, hurt, homelessness, despair, depression, nastyness, money, sex, masturbation, threesome sex, variety of sex, cheating, endless sex, blow job after blow jobs, anything anything that goes up in the head, which I have accepted and allowed is OK to think, and enjoy the pleasure of backchatting. Not realizing all the while, I have accepted and allowed torture for my human physical body thru my backchatting. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my existence to just backchats, just to the noise in the head. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my whole existence as just backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my whole life within this backchat, listening to it, participate in it, creating it, giving it spies, just exist my whole life within my backchat and call that as “LIVING”. Not realizing i have been not living, rather just backchatting all the way. 

I realize how wasteful life is when I spend my whole time on earth just keeping busy within my backchat. I mean what did I do with my life? nothing, all I do is just think think and think.

My whole purpose of life is just to think think and think.

I Stop this madness. and for a moment I see/realize that LIFE here does not require that mindless endless noise, I can exist as just breathe here as physical.

I mean am I just a noise in the head?

When and as I see myself chasing the wind by participating in backchat, I simply STOP, I breathe. I remain here.

I think therefore I am, is a perfect justification for accepting and allowing the backchat to continue, Descartes got it totally wrong. Try: I breathe, therefore I am.

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Day 3 – Fearing Here due to Memories

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Day 3: My Journey of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear been with family members because of fear of old memories.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing people here because i fear the old memories i have in relation to them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear been here with people because i fear they might activate my old pain relating to old memories. not realizing that can happen only if I allow it and accept it. b’c memories exist with me, so its upto me to walk thru the old memories and feel pain.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people are the same decades ago and now, and therefore justify my memories about them as valid.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto old memories as a matter of protection because i believe old memories will protect me from harm again.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself not realize that living here now in the present of this breath means NO more validity to past memories. of course memories wont’ disappear but i dont’ have to relive them by recalling them into here now.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stand as past as memories as revenge as bitterness of the past, as protection, instead just been here as breath and breathing this breath to the fullest.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself by believing that thinking about the past will protect me.

When and as I see myself walking thru the memory lanes I STOP it I breathe. I realize that walking thru the memory lanes is living in the past, is self spitefulness, is wanting to  avoid here and wanting to impose a judgement into here. b’c bringing any past into here is a judgement upon life here.