Tag Archives: anger

Day 324 – Temptations

Posted on by
Reply

temptationI have to write a blog today, have been missing a few here and there. Though I see there is a slight resistance, calling it tiredness is easy way out, but I am pushing through, just keep on writing, I mean there is always something to write. There is so much bullshit going on in me and in this world at large. Even just listening to people talking in a café can give many subjects to write about, at this very moment I hear a young couple, must be in their early twenties, arguing about something, looks like he was going through her emails, sort of spying on her, and she is pissed off, well I don’t blame her. I mean, trust is key to relationships, if you have to break-into your partner’s email and spy on them, oh man, something is seriously wrong there.

Yeh right ‘fucked up’ he admits it too. So is this blog tonight about eavesdropping? It is kind of funny listening to couples arguing, especially the young ones, it’s getting spicy, now I am not being cool here, listening to other’s talking and writing a blog about their material. Fuck it. Well, now he is confronting her about texting to another guy; may be they are in their teens, now there is silence, questioning about texting put the couple in an odd spot, I guess he hit a soft spot. He is constantly questioning her now, well, I better leave this romantic boxing match alone, let them sort it out. I bet they will both beat me up if they knew I am writing my blog based on their ‘discussion’.

Love, desire, and fear. Desire and fear loss goes hand in hand. First the desire becomes so out of control, especially if the other is out of this world hot/handsome/beautiful, then you get the object of your desire, and then what happens? The fear of loss kicks in. oh no, he is possessed by fear of loss, he is just nonstop questioning her, I am getting the sense that fear of loss is possessing him. I suppose I have been in his shoes, where I become completely possessed by fear of loss, and then I am gone, irrational, fucked up.

Anyways, looks like texting can land couples in hot water. You text the wrong person, or at the wrong time, can easily get caught. It’s all about quick excitements, energy rush, mind is having loads of fun, a quickie for the mind, texting is a perfect tool for the mind to feed on.

The bottom line is lots of shit going on, minds are going crazy. In this I see/realize I have a major responsibility to myself, for my mind, to tame my mind so to speak. I mean it’s so easy to fall into these energy quickies, nothing like a little nasty text message, it’s so tempting. And you will be tested to the absolute, and perhaps that’s why texting is here, to test you.

Wow, so many little ways to get energy highs, a little hi, can go a long way.  These are the days of temptation, seriously. Money, sex, gossip, power, all of it can be tempting. I mean power over others in so many ways is tempting.

This is where breathing is self-supportive and helps in self-stability, every moment matters, I mean, a text message can come in a moment, 1 text message in 1 moment can destroy your life. It is a powerful temptation. So the key is to breathe and remain here in every breath. Otherwise you will fall for the sugar coated donut, so yummy, so addictive; such is the power of energy addiction, the stuff the mind loves.

Every look is in fact can be a point of temptation, I mean, how often does my eyes wonder on beautiful sights, it’s amazing, clearly an addiction to energy, just like those tempting text messages. This is why breathing is absolutely important, every breath, breath by breath, moment by moment, look by look, everything in fact, I must be here, breathing, otherwise the road to temptation is right here, the evil is always here, showing the way live, which is the reverse of evil. Thinking is a great temptation too; there is always the excitement to think some shit about something. There is energy experience in thinking, that’s why it’s so addictive, it’s like the mind is always texting you. That’s what thinking is, mind asking for energy from the physical body, and we so blindly fall to it.

So time for correction. Time to breathe, time to pause, slow down, look, consider what is best for self and best for all, time to self-move, self-direct, time to say NO to the mind, time to say NO to the fake shyness, fake ego games, time to observe self, self-physical movements, time to observe how I participate in my own bullshit, mentally, emotionally, physical, how I give into fears, doubts, anger, laziness, lethargy, self-pity all that, is kind of temptation, feeding the mind in so many ways, but living here is missing, just a pre-programmed robot, doing its thing.

Every breath, how do I move, am I aware of myself, my surroundings, my presence, my mind, my breath, my emotional states, specially things like fear, do I give into fears. Memories are great temptations, recalling and replaying memories is great fun and great temptation. Thinking all those juicy stuff. Memories are like pictorial text messages, instantly coming up, every moment; some shit is here to excite you. The great temptation. But unfortunately it doesn’t last, just for few fleeting moments, then the boredom of the mind returns with a vengeance. And it’s getting only worse.

Well the couple is rather stable now, talking normally, and I cannot hear anything. Oh I see them smiling, maybe there will be some make-up sex, who knows. That’s another fun side to fighting, there is a hidden reward in the end, maybe that’s why couples love fighting, the anticipation of make-up sex.

Breathe, become self-observant, watch the mind, feel the body, observe the million temptations presented, see how easily the mind/you/I can fall into it. Pictures, photos, memories, text messages, looks, sights, all that is only a picture, for a moment gives a great temptation for the mind. How robotic is life, so breathe, LIVE as a human, not as a ROBOT. Join us: www.desteni.org

297 – Self-Forgiving Anger.

Posted on by
Reply
Join this FREE Self-Writing Course.

Join this FREE Self-Writing Course.

Some bits and pieces of writing today.

Breathe, listen, and stop the voice in the head. Anu has some interesting things to say in his eqafe.com interviews. I heard the term ‘mind initiated physical reality’ – meaning the mind is basically leading/guiding me to live/manifest a reality for myself. If I am constantly in anger for example, and then I burst out on others, then what I have is a perfect mind-initiated reality in the physical. Not hard to see. Even in listening, voices in the head can guide/direct to create a mind-initiated physical reality, so instead of listening to another being, I end up listening to my own voices in the head and accordingly judge the other person.

That interview was cool; I mean all his interviews are cool, loaded with common sense gems.

Breathing is cool, because when I breathe I am constantly interrupting the mind-movie, the ego, otherwise what would happen is the ego will just keep on building up its energy, until a moment arrives for bursting out. Been there Done that.

Listened to the whale other day, yeh that’s another cool interview. (This is the fascinating thing about the LIFE-Portal, any living entity can speak through her, the portal). So what did I learn from the whale? Take a breath, breathe, slow down, in that BE here, share a moment with the whales, and get to know them, understand them etc. Because a busy human mind like mine cannot understand another, let alone a whale.

Self-equality is cool, and that is possible only when I breathe, breathing with awareness grounding myself here. Not in building up some vast amount of knowledge and information. Breathe instead.

Mirrors, yeh another wonderful point by Anu the ex-God. Apparently everything here is a mirror for me, people, my thoughts, events, all are mirrors, showing a part of me, showing me what I have accepted and allowed. Imagine just standing in front of a mirror, you only get to see yourself. That’s exactly the point of view to take when dealing with others or even myself. I see myself in my thoughts, in my reactions, in others, as everything is a part of me.

Making decision. Another wonderful tip by Anu the man, wow, he is full of it, got loads of common sense. I strong recommend listening to your ex-creator. He sure knows how the mind works and how to work around it. In terms of decision making, suggestion is to write down the ‘pros/cons’ and in all self-honesty, then you can see for yourself, what is best for all, and can make the decision accordingly ( I see I have already forgotten exactly what Anu said about decision making, so please refer to the respective Anu interview).

Ok, those are some of the tips I heard/learned from Anu and Bernard lately, I was listening to them while driving over the Easter weekend.

The point I want to look at here tonight is anger, yep anger, I have been angry, loads of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to boil in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold anger towards me, because I see/realize that all anger is self-anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that thinking has resulted in self-anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I created my own self-anger, by participating in thoughts. Because anger towards another is self-anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize breathing it out and writing it out are the solutions to anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in angry thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that participating in thoughts of desire also contribute to anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize when desires are not fulfilled a sense of anger is born, and I am allowing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize a sense of ownership can lead to anger, because I see something/someone as my property and therefore anger is born when I have to share, or let them go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that not living breath-by-breath is the key issue, so I direct myself to breathe, be here, take breaths with awareness, take deep breaths, hold/pause etc, in that cutting the down the build up of energy, the creator of anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that if I am effectively breathing here anger cannot take root, as for anger to take root, I must be thinking. A story in the head must be running for anger to take roots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burn myself in anger; this is very similar to depleting my physical body, by participating in the con of consciousness, by thinking/imagining/feeling/worrying/fearing etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize my anger is also result of not caring for myself, always wanting/desiring/needing another to care for me. In that want/need/desire anger is self-born.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that my wants/needs/desires/lusts can generate anger too, so the solution again is to breathe, to remain grounded here in the physical body through breathing.

Yeh anger is not cool, why am I so angry all the time, I have allowed anger for sure, I have accepted and allowed anger, angry thoughts, as a normal thing, so now the time to correct it, forgive it, let go, I mean there is no other way to deal with anger.

when and as I see myself participating, thinking in angry thoughts, I stop, I breathe, when and as I see myself participating in angry emotions so justifiably so, I stop, I breathe, realizing that no matter how real the anger is, participating in it is not the way. So I stop, I breathe out the anger in me. I direct myself to support myself by grounding myself in my physical body.

Join us.

Day 169 – Old photos can keep me stuck in the Memories of Past.

Posted on by
Reply

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at old photos and experience regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while looking at the old photos think/believe that I have missed the boat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret about myself, my life, instead of living here in this moment of aliveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at old photos with feelings/emotions and thoughts of “what if”s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from others by the every act of thinking and compounded thinking leading to anger/jealousy/bitterness and regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I missed the boat meaning “I should have”, “I shouldn’t have” thoughts are running wild.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to looked at the past with regret instead of learning from it and moving on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize, LIFE is here in this very breath, in this very moment. Life is here, whereas a photo simply captures a moment that is gone by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less-than because I believe some characters are better-than me hence automatically implying that I am less-than.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my life HERE NOW with the past and make judgements of comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the past through photos and experience regrets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at photos and experience a sense of lack or missing. Instead of not realizing, I am here breathing, and ALIVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, photos are simply moments gone by therefore living in them or thru them is a waste while LIFE is here. SO I breathe I direct myself to be HERE in this physical reality of this moment, not somewhere in the past of memories and photos.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, old photos like old memories they activate old feelings, emotions and thoughts which keep me stuck in the past. Therefore I move myself, direct myself to live this breath here as a fresh new life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, regret is utterly useless, LIFE is here in this breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lack and empty and therefore go into regret feelings along with “what-if” thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, old photos, old memories, are cool as long as they don’t generate old feelings/emotions/thoughts. In this I direct myself to live HERE as this breath of life HERE.

Join us:
Desteni.org
EqualMoney.org
Journey To Life – blogs
Friend me – Facebook
Follow Me – Twitter
Life Support – Wiki

Day 142 – ‘Be Here’ = Be in this Breath, focus on the reality Here. Its the way end Habits.

Posted on by
Reply

The urge to blame is lot more than just a mind pattern for me, its like a way of life, its how/who I am, blaming is second nature to me. Tonight while having dinner, I am please to report, I stopped the urge to blame by simply diverting my attention, our conversation elsewhere. “Oh look at that shop,” I recall saying that statement clearly to shit focus from a boiling urge within me to blame, the urge is to pay attention to what the mind was saying about the other person, about something they earlier said/did/gestured to me etc, ultimately it was none of it, simply my mind yelling at me “hey look at that gesture/comment/action and start blaming/scolding this person for it”.

Be Here, I told myself silently, Breathe, Be Here, breath-by-breath, within this breath just be here, don’t focus on what happened 10 mins ago or 5 mins ago. Be Here means, ONLY Here, at this very breath, and  nowhere else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, Be Here means simply to remain here within this Breath and focus on the reality Here within this Breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, to Be Here means to leave the past moments/breaths aside and Be Here within this Breath as I breathe now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, past is gone forever, and the future is not here, but this breath is Here for me to Be Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, LIFE is Here on this very Breath. within this I forgive me for not realizing, to LIVE as physical I must be Here within this breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, Breathing with awareness is the key to life, to live. There is no other way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my urge to blame others is only valid if I allow past breaths or future breaths to determine my course of action. hence I see/realize/understand, the urge to blame pattern/habit can be stopped/deleted simply staying within this breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blaming is not just a pattern, its a habit now, a physical habit, I just Have to blame somebody, its a way of life, therefore I see/realize/understand, to cut that habit/pattern down, I simply have to say NO to the mind, and remain within this breath.

When and as I see myself giving into my mind’s justifications, I realize its the old pattern, habit raising its ugly head again, therefore I stop it, and I Breathe to remain here. Simply NOT giving into mind’s cry to pay attention to it. I support myself by NOT listening to my mind, and remaining here by breathing.

I commit myself realize, that breathing effectively is the first step the cut mental habits. and therefore I commit myself to breathe and to BE HERE as breath as life.

Join us: www.desteni.org

Day 137 – Moping ends with effective Breathing.

Posted on by
Reply

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fear is an emotion therefore I cannot let it direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that fear is of the ego, mind, hence will do anything for its own survival, while life suffers at the hand of ego/mind/fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, fear of getting hurt is a major mindfuck, it fucks up big time, it closes my heart as well as forces the other to close their hearts because I did so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, fear of aloneness is not a reason to form an agreement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, fear of loneliness is not a reason to form agreement or marriage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been with people because I feel I need to be free at my own space, without having anyone to trouble me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people are troubling me and bothering me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, all my complaints of wanting space, freedom, are forms of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, recalling, reMINDing of the past memories is reactivating the past to blame the present moment LIFE here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, reminder is to reMIND, re-enact the MIND, the system, the programs so the flesh, the real life, can be controlled and directed according to the will of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I totally have become the mind, hence only considering what is best for the mind and consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, living in the mind, is not best for all, in fact it is harmful for all. as mind cares for its own survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, these thoughts, emotions, and feelings, are really not who I am as life, yet within this I forgive me for allowing thoughts, emotions and feelings to direct me entirely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, thoughts, emotions and feelings are subtle programs that are implanted within the flesh to direct and control me, however I see/realize/understand that I have the absolute self-power to stop all and any such embedded system codes within me. I mean, who is the ONE here? me or the code? Who decides me or the code?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I am isolating myself because I am directed by the codes programmed as thoughts/emotions/feelings and yet finding it ‘hard’ to step outside thoughts/emotions/feelings, within this I forgive me for believing that I cannot or find it hard to step outside the control of thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, blame is an outflow of compounded thoughts/emotions/feelings, blaming is voicing of the thoughts/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my desire to isolate myself from people is also the voicing of thoughts/emotions/feelings. just hide and  mope in isolation give thoughts/emotions/feelings all the attention they want, instead of moving/participating with people, listening, talking, doing things with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, breath/breathe is the key to disconnect the power of thoughts/emotions/feelings have over me. I decide to disconnect them by Breathing. Otherwise the addiction to the energy of thoughts/emotions/feeling keeps me stuck in a state of moping.

I see/realize/understand, again and again, I must redirect myself to BREATHE, otherwise all mighty mind will take over, the old patterns will return, so this is a breath by breath commitment to live, breathe, and do what is best for all.

When and as I see myself moping, stuck in thoughts/emotions/feelings, I realize I have hit a deadend, therefore I recommit myself breathe, and move myself physically, and really push myself to physically move, and get out of being stuck in thoughts/emotions/feelings. I am here as a physical being, I realize it is the thoughts/emotions/feelings that disconnects me from ALL and isolates me in a state of moping. I end moping with Breathing.

Join us:
www.Desteni.org and www.EqualMoney.org
www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife

Day 132 – My desteni character – The shocking truth.

Posted on by
Reply

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with hope, excitement and amazement when I first met desteni materials, within this I forgive me for not realizing, desteni is not the answer, whereas me living desteni’s message as me, as life, is the answer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see desteni as a life-saving group, who has all the answers to all the questions within our world, but within that I forgive me for not realizing, none of the answers will mean anything, if I don’t live them in fact, because I see/realize/understand, desteni’s message is a living message, not a static/book knowledge to meditate upon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare desteni’s message with other well known gurus and spiritual masters within the hope and dream of amalgamating the two worlds, so that I can be both a spiritual seeker and a destonian at the same time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience great pain, resistance, fear when I first realized that my past wealth of spiritual knowledge and information had come to mean nothing as it could not stand in the reality of what is here, and what we have accepted and allowed within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hopeless and disappointment when I first realized the degree of brainwashing that I have been through and all the nonsense that is going on in this world in the name of God, religion, spirituality and money, which I was blissfully ignorant of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience sorrow when I first realized how meaningless and ignorant I have been before desteni, because I was totally unaware of the bullshit that I have been through and the world is constantly going through meanwhile believing that all is well and only getting better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed at myself when I first realized that all the spiritual books, holy books, churches, temples, ashrams, retreats, workshops, satsangs, chants, I have been in the past, are of total waste of time and personal effort, not to mention thousands of dollars that went into it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself for spending thousands of dollars in seeking spiritual enlightenment and wisdom, within this I forgive me for not investigating any spiritual group before investing myself or money within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel betrayed by my former gurus and masters when I first realized the truth about spirituality and spiritual masters upon meeting desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a feeling of disappointment, when I realized upon meeting desteni, that even popular leaders like Obama whom I worshipped at that time cannot heal this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a feeling of disappointment in realizing, that in fact no living political leader has any solution to our problems, in fact their only goal is serving their funding masters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon meeting desteni, to experience a great disappointment because I realized that everything I knew, I trusted, I valued, I hoped, must be questioned, within this I forgive me for not realizing, for too long I have been wanting for others to be the solution, and with meeting desteni to my shock I realized, I am the answer/solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon becoming a destonian, not realize, my primary objective has been to impress other destonians, within this I forgive me for not realizing that this is a self-responsible journey, there is no one to impress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon becoming a destonian, not realize, to change this world I must change myself and walk as a group with other destonians effectively to bring about a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon becoming a destonian, not realize, I cannot convince others about the desteni message, yes I can make the materials available but cannot convince anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel special because I am now on a mission to save this world, within this I forgive me for not realizing, been HERE as breath is the first step without getting too excited about anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, preaching others or attempting to convince others is not the way, rather LIVE it breath by breath, within this I forgive me for believing that being a destonian gives me the right to preach others down, instead of simply sharing common sense points, for others to see/realize/understand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, been a destonian is about total self-responsibility first for self, and then for the world as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am going to be some great person eventually because I am a destonian now, not realizing, there is no trophy at the end of the journey, only realization of total self-responsibility, that I am responsible for ALL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see desteni farm folks as mighty and me as less than them, instead of seen that we are all together walking our own processes, that is all, no more or less, as everyone is in process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, been a destonian is not about mind-character plays, rather living, actual living of what is best for all, breath by breath and birthing a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, as desteni, as a destonian, as a group of destonians, I walk my process alone and with the group, to birth myself as life and to birth heaven on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for not understanding the desteni message, and within that feel a sense of disappointment, not realizing, all I can do is walk/stand and be an example, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, this is a journey of great responsibility and it requires total commitment to birth heaven on earth, within this I forgive me for not realizing the shocking truth, that I must be the responsible one, I must direct me to change me, and direct myself to change this world through equal money system.

In this I see/realize/understand there is no room to impress Bernard, or anyone else for that matter, there is no room to dwell in pity, guilt, sadness, fear, regret, shame, sorrow, anger, hate, desire, wants and needs, I see/realize I must direct myself to birth myself as life, and birth heaven on earth. And I do so with humbleness, gentleness, gratefulness, without any desire to be aggressive, pushy or righteous, as I see/realize/understand, everyone is in process, equal and one as life as me, no right to judge or blame anyone, yet showing the way, as a living example.

Join us:
www.Desteni.org and www.EqualMoney.org
www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife

Day 118 – Self-compromise is not cool.

Posted on by
Reply

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others may think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others may speak about me or think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others may be avoiding me in that i forgive me for fearing that because they might have a good dam reason to avoid me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear meeting new people because I fear what they might think of me at first as first impression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear families within the belief that they are a unit therefore could strike me, should I speak against their objectives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear meeting familiar people and friends within the believe that may be I am not in a good mode or cheerful enough to meet and greet them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disclosing that I actually enjoying been alone not having to deal with their bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking up, because within the fear they may no longer like me or desire to be in association with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others ignoring me or leaving me out, in that I forgive me for fearing my own anger and frustration as reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been thrown out or left out by others because my apparent belief that groups of people are united and stronger within themselves who can do harm to me should I go against their objectives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been punished my others because me standing without compromising myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself out of fear of others, not realizing, self-compromise is real torture, is not living, simply giving into fear and submission.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into fear and submission  and therefore compromise myself, not standing for myself, simply give up, or give in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be submissive and surrender just to appease others out of fear of not been accepted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a submissive person and within that compromise myself, not consider me at all, only live to appease others so that they will like me eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are hell bent on destroying me, or targeting me, or creating hell for me, or doing bad things for me, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everyone is against me, and attacking me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of others, fear of not been liked, fear of not been loved, fear of not been wanted, fear of not been included, in all that I forgive me for not been with me, not enjoying my own self, instead of wanting, desiring others to fulfill me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear heated discussions, arguments, conflicts, because of the fear been confronted, in this I forgive myself for fear been confronted, within that fear been disliked, hated or excluded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living my life within self-caring and self-consideration, always wanting to appease others is not supporting me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living alone, fear living as ALONE, ALL-ONE, always wanting, desiring, seeking acceptance and likeness, love from others.

When and as I see myself to fearing others within the fear of loss, or within the fear of been disliked, or within the fear of been not included, or within the fear of been thrown out, or within the fear of been angered at me, or within the fear of been confronted, or within the fear of been questioned, or challenged, I STOP, I Breathe.

I see/realize/understand, I cannot live in self-compromise, I cannot live in fear of others, I cannot live in fear of losing people, I cannot live in the fear of been avoided/excluded, I see/realize/understand, I have to walk without compromising myself, while considering what is best for all, and seen others as myself.

Join us: www.desteni.org

Day 112 – D(anger) of anger.

Posted on by
Reply

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the anger within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the anger within is caused by other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my anger is created and caused by the behaviors of others, otherwise I am totally free from anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am the cause and the creator of my own anger, not anyone else.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my anger will not disappear by itself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my anger will not end by the will of God or some other power outside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and desire some force out there will remove my anger magically until then I can create/show deadly anger to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, my anger, how I react in anger, how I speak/think in anger, is my own creation, i alone responsible for my anger within me, otherwise it will turn deadly slowly but surely as these are demon days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, anger is not like a flu, it will not disappear by itself over time, anger will only grow over time, unless I stop it as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, either I must stop the anger, or let it turn deadly leading to death and destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that there is no magical solution to end anger, no divine plan to end anger, no pill to end anger, no love to heal anger, no kindness to end anger, I alone must take the self-responsibility to end my own anger by directing myself to stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by changing the players or environment or jobs, i can change/end the anger within me, not realizing, nothing can cease the anger within me, as I am its creator and perpetuator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, even if I replace the whole planet and its population with another set, my anger will not cease, as I am its own creator. I am creating my anger by participating in angry thoughts/feelings/emotions etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, nothing in this world, no-thing in this world, can cease my anger.

I see/realize/understand, my anger, the deadly danger of it, is my own creation, drop by drop, thought by thought, I created it, so I direct myself to stop it, thought by thought.

When and as each thought of anger arise, I stop, I breathe. I see/realize/understand, anger exist only in my thoughts, as old thoughts, as new thoughts, so I see/realize to end anger I must stop it within each thought. I direct myself to breathe, and STOP participating in angry thoughts.

Join us: www.desteni.org

Day 107 – Not feeling well – Character.

Posted on by
Reply

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get into this ‘not feeling well’ character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, this ‘not feeling well’ character is an emotional mask/face that I am subconsciously activating within myself by participating in thoughts/emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize this ‘not feeling well’ character has nothing to do with physical tiredness as such, rather its a form of lethargy driven by emotional states. so in this I forgive myself for creating this character within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘not feeling well’ and within this I forgive me for not investigating the reasons/conditions for it, indicating I am allowing this unconsciously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am allowing and accepting this ‘not feeling well’ character, as a form of emotional/physical display.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, its a memory, a mask, a personality, a character that I am wearing. in this I forgive myself for not realizing, I am prone to wear this tired/down/not-well character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge how I look, “oh I look so tired”, and within that I forgive myself for desiring to look happy/go-lucky.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the opposite character is desiring/wanting to look happy, excited, joyful, energetic, active, and pumped up. in this I forgive myself for not realizing, ‘not feeling well’ character is simply the polarity end of the ‘go lucky be happy’ character, all showing emotional states within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I learned to wear this ‘not feeling well’ character over the years, by observing those around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am a walking database of memories. so within this I forgive myself for not realizing, I have memories of my father always looking tired and down, and I forgive me for copying that memory into my flesh and actually live it out in the physical to indicate certain loneliness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy the memory where my dad always looked as if he is tired, depressed, and mad, the image of him is one who is tired/down/depressed/angry. in this I forgive me for physically living out that memory within my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy into my physical the images of how my dad looked tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy/embed into my flesh the memories of my dad always looking tired/down/depressed/sad/angry etc, in this I forgive myself for actually physically living out those early childhood memories/images into my physical now. basically, I am a walking/living memory of tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy the image/memory of my dad who looked tired/down/depressed/sad/angry when he return home from work, in this I forgive myself for copying those memories into my flesh and actually living them out physical here/now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, all characters are born out of memories that I keep within my flesh.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I am living out my early childhood memories through my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, regardless how/when/why I copied those memories into my flesh, here/now it is my responsibility to stop living them out in my physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, ‘not feeling well’ is a character based on memory that I copied into my flesh decades ago.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, here/now I am breathing, breath-by-breath, I have the means/tools/power to STOP living out those memories. I direct myself to breathe, and remain here, without activating my characters by giving them more life by thinking/blaming them. Instead I direct myself to breathe, and get myself engage in physical activity.

I direct myself to drink a lot of water, I realize this ‘not feeling well’ character can be checked with drinking a lot of water, as this character now is embedded into my flesh due to years of accepting and allowing such within me, I see/realize/understand, it will take time to over this character, but in the meantime I support myself to be here in the physical and support myself with drinking a lot of water to overcome this ‘not feeling well’ character.

Join us:
www.Desteni.org and www.EqualMoney.org
www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife

Day 90 – Reacting sucks for all. Slow down with breath/breathing.

Posted on by
Reply

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in energy and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in revenge with a desire to hurt another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in wanting shut another down, without ever giving them a chance to express themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in wanting to cut others off, without giving them a chance to speak/express to see what they have to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within a build up of emotions and not realizing I am not speaking to another at all, rather dumping out my build up of emotions unto another in spite and anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within anger and build up of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when I react I am simply releasing build up energy, which I accumulate via backchat, the silent speaker within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react energetically and then feel good about it, feel great to lash out at another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize that I am allowing the build up of energy within me by thinking/feeling/recalling memories/ etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am allowing backchat of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am allowing the energy to buildup within me, instead of breathing, and earthing myself to the ground with breath, in this I forgive me for allowing the mind to run its wild course, and let it consume my physical substance, and in all that feel good about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have the greatest of responsiblity that is to stop the mind from consuming physical substance as this is the first time in eons of time, this stopping of the mind has been attempted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am not taking self responsiblity, as I have a pattern of ignoring responsiblity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the emotional possessiveness of my mind, otherwise why wouldn’t I stop it right away?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I enjoy reacting in angry violent way, because it makes me feel good, my ego as me loves it.

I see/realize/understand reacting is not cool, it neither cool for me nor for the other, hence I direct myself to breathe, and to realize that when others go at me with their emotional dumping, it has nothing to do with me, so I breathe and support another to calm down, and I can only do that if I am calm within myself first, so I direct me to breathe and slow myself down. In this I can find a solution that is best for all in a given scenario without compromising anyone.

When and as I see myself reacting, readying for react, desiring to react, I see/realize, it’s an old habit to crush others just to make myself feel good, so I stop, I breathe, I direct me to slow down to support me and other.

Join us: www.desteni.org