The current political systems do not outline principles/foundations, as their sole motive is MONEY and POWER, though they may speak of policies, but it is evident without a doubt, policies are only a lip-service, has only helped the rich get richer and consequently the poor is getting poorer.

Drafting the Bill of Rights of the Equal Life Foundation is a major achievement, now the next step is getting people in various regions to understand them, so that in time, we can actually implement them.

The planet is in peril, there is no need to prove this, just look around, watch some news, read the newspaper, you will see/read the atrocious profit-seeking stuff we have accepted and allowed all in the name of MONEY. And the manipulation of information and brainwashing is not hard to see. We as humanity has been dumb down by those in power thru media/TV/newspapers etc; we simply have become a race of sheep, no more a human race.

This must be changed through understanding, realization and education. In that, translation job is very important to bring about new awareness, understanding among the people specifically in those regions.

On my part, this project will require patience and perseverance, and constant application of myself to get this job done. It is easy to give up, easy for finding excuses, bottlenecks and logistical issues, therefore breathing will be the key for me. The goal has been set, and committed, and now it is a matter of walking it, step by step, breath by breath.

So easy to live a selfish life, worry only about self’s mental/emotional/family/job problems and entirely neglect what’s going on in this world, not seen/realizing this world is a reflection of myself, I have allowed and accepted this to be as it is. Therefore it is my responsibility to take part in a new solution; hence I am walking with desteni and the Equal Life Foundation to birth a new world that is best for all.

Capitalism has failed, this is not a war against Capitalism, it is simply a realization that Capitalism has failed miserably, and it is beyond any arguments or debates. One has to commonsensically look around, study one’s world.

Recent factory collapse in Bangladesh is only a tiny evidence of how things are proceeding under Capitalism, so it goes without saying, we need a new solution, a new world, and a new planet. The Bill of Rights of the Equal Life Foundation is a great start; it all starts with the written word. So join us, study us, read our material, read the Bill of Rights, and I am looking for assistance in language translation/cross-reference/proof-reading etc, if you’re willing to help, please contact me. The solution is not a one man show, or one group show, we as humanity must come together to resolve the problems, the Equal Life Foundation, the Equal Money System, the Desteni group, are one umbrella, under which we can gather and stand together as one voice with many languages/cultures.

The following is the Bill of Rights of the Equal Life Foundation translated into Chinese, it gives an idea how this will look in Hindi, Urdu, Tamil and Sinhala when the translations are done.

Thanks.

平等生命基金會

人權法案

The Equal Life Foundation
Bill of Rights

平等生命基金會已經由一個全球性的社群所建立，這個社群是由來自世界各地許多文化的人士所組成。平等生命基金會的創建是要帶來所有生命與所有其他生命面向是平等的覺察和理解。這是以眾生擁有並且持有與生俱來的生命權的事實為前提，平等於每一個活著的生命，全體互相平等而沒有分離和階級的幻象，或者被人為系統和心智建構的覆蓋所損害。一切眾生的共同點是擁有、持有、維持平等的生命力。一切眾生與生俱來的權利是生命的權利，是充分根據這裡所陳述的基本原則作為平等生命的基礎，認定為是一切眾生不可或缺的，而特此聲明為所有人與生俱來的人權法案，無一例外。這個人權法案的基礎是實際的應用，據此每一個人就實際而言都被保證擁有一個值得生活的生命，因此生存和永續發展本來就是一切生命能擁有、分享和持有的，由此對於單一和整體而言一個充實的生命價值是平等可得的。

The Equal Life Foundation has been established by a global community consisting of people from many cultures from around the world. The Equal Life Foundation was created to bring forth the awareness and understanding that all life stands equal to all other aspects of life. This is premised on the fact that all living beings have and hold the inherent rights to and of life, equal by and for every living being, all as equal to each other without the illusions of separation and hierarchy, or impaired by the overlays of manmade systems and constructs of the mind. The common ground of all beings is the equal life force that each has, holds and retains. The inherent right of all living beings is the right to a life that is well-founded on the fundamental principles stated here as the foundation of Equal Life, recognized as essential to all beings and hereby declared as a Bill of Rights inherent to all, exclusive to none. The foundation of this Bill of Rights is practical application, whereby every being is guaranteed to have a life worthy of living in practical terms, so that survival and sustainability are a given that all beings have, share and hold, upon which a fulfilling life of value is equally available to one and all.
 

平等生命基金會認為生命的平等權如同生命的呼吸是每個人類第一優先且與生俱來的權利，在此聲明平等生命權應包含所有活著的男人、女人和兒童。

The Equal Life Foundation recognizes the Equal Right to Life as the first Inherent and Unalienable Right of Every Human Being endowed with the Breath of Life and Herewith Declares that an Equal Life Right Shall Include for all Living Men, Women and Children

1.      平等的經濟權，確保所有的財務需求是可獲取的和可得的，以保證一個健康而充實的生活的基本需求可以被實現和體現。
1. An Equal Economic Right that insures that all financial needs are accessible and available to ensure that the fundamental requirements of a healthy and fulfilling life can be realized and manifested. 

2.      平等的健康權，提供了所有的要素去建立強壯的物質肉身，確保活力與健康伴隨著清晰的理智，情緒的平衡，和身體的穩定。
2. An Equal Health Right that provides all essentials to building strong physical embodiments, insuring vitality and well-being along with clarity of intellect, emotional balance and physical stability.

3.      每個兒童有安全和保障的平等權，以使免於恐懼、不安全和創傷的生活是被保證的，在其中父母的指導與表達的自由之間能夠互相的平衡，並且在一個富有創造力與歡樂的環境中生活，以使每個兒童成長到他或她的最大潛能作為一種生命本身獨特的表現。
3. An Equal Right of Safety and Security for every Child, so that a life free of fear, insecurity and trauma is assured, a life in which parental guidance is balanced with freedom of expression and lived within an environment of creativity and joy so that every Child grows into his or her utmost potential as a unique expression of Life Itself.

4.      平等的居住權，確保每個人和每個家庭有一個能夠滋養和支持生活的穩定家庭環境，妥善的坐落在社區內，以協助和支持著有尊嚴和完善的生活。
4. An Equal Housing Right that assures every being and every family a stable home environment that is nurturing and supportive of life, properly founded within communities that assist and support a life of dignity and integrity.

5.      平等的教育權，支持每一個人對卓越的追求和潛能的實現，輔助智力發展和實際應用，因此得以貢獻出他們的生命在一個可以提升所有參與者的生命而永續發展的地球上。
5. An Equal Education Right that supports every individual in his or her pursuit of excellence and fulfillment of potential, supporting intellectual development and practical applications thereof to contribute their lives as relevant to a sustainable Earth that enhances Life for all participants.

6.      平等的土地權，安置一切眾生到他們選擇稱為他們的家的土地上，其中活生生的身體行走在土壤上面使他們的生活被滋養和維持，同時提供了安全和生計，那接合了動物和植物王國於互動式的和諧中，所有人類與所有生命的生命力變得和諧平等如一。
6. An Equal Land Right that places every living being on the land they choose to call their home, where living bodies walk upon the soil from which their lives are nourished and sustained, that provides both security and sustenance, that engages with the animal and plant kingdoms in interactive concert that becomes harmonious with the life force of all beings and all of life equal as one.

7.      自由聯盟的平等權，提供一個動態的、互動的和免於束縛的社會與經濟環境，從這之中，能增進和提升全體最大利益的新想法、概念、科技和生產力可以伴隨著這樣的了解而出現，那就是這種聯盟並不侷限第一基本人權 – 即全體的平等生命權或任何由這條權利所衍伸而出的權利。
7. An Equal Right of Free Association that provides a social and economic milieu that is dynamic, interactive and free of constraints, out of which new ideas, concepts, technologies and productivity that enhance and advance what is best for all can emerge with the understanding that such association does not limit the first Fundamental Human Right – namely an Equal Life Right for all or any of the Rights flowing from this Right.

8.      對於研究、科技、和其他科學努力和實際實體化的平等權，那將優先大量地被應用在整治和重新平衡土地、天空、河川、海洋的物質環境和生態系統上，恢復這個星球的動態平衡，在這之中，應該出現一個促進和整合對全體生命和全體人類最大利益的蓬勃的全球性社群，以確保所有人類和所有生命作為一個整體能有最高可能的生活條件和水準。
8. An Equal Right to Research, Technology, and other scientific endeavors and practical manifestations that are freely applied first to the remediation and rebalancing of the physical environments and ecosystems of the earth, sky, rivers and oceans, returning the planet to dynamic equilibrium out of which shall emerge a thriving global community of advancement and integration for what is best for all life and all beings, insuring the highest possible living conditions and standards for all humanity and all life as a whole.

9.      獲取自然、金融、科學和智力資源的平等權，如此所有人可以自由的(免費的)和不受妨礙的去獲取生命與永續發展的基本建構元件，連同可以自由的(免費的)和不受妨礙的去獲取追求卓越的職業生涯所需要的任何一切，以促進這個全球社群進入提升生活的技術、發明和創新的新領域。
9. An Equal Right of Access to natural, financial, scientific and intellectual resources, so that all have free and unencumbered access to fundamental building blocks of life and sustainability, along with free and unencumbered access to whatever is required to pursue careers of excellence that advance the planetary community into new realms of life enhancing technologies, inventions and innovations.

10.  和平、富足和繁榮的平等權，免於傷害、暴力和破壞的威脅，在其中生命被奉為最高價值，而每一個選擇、每一個行動、每一個目的和每一個想法都被每一個人導向成為對全體最好的，如此所有人都活著如同整體和不可分割的生命在更大的整體的全體生命中和諧存在，如同與地球上所有生命的生活構築，共同成為在一個可永續的平衡之中的生命自身。
10. An Equal Right to Peace, Abundance and Prosperity, free of threat of harm, violence or destruction, where life is upheld as the highest value and every choice, every act, every deed and every thought is directed by each and every living being towards that which is best for all, so that all may live as whole and integral beings within the larger whole of All Life in harmony with existence as Life Itself within and as a sustainable balance with the living fabric of all life on Earth.

11.  自我治理的平等權，而不需要外在人為的政府控制去妨礙和控制社會的生命力及其每一個組成部分。這樣的自我治理權應該被整合進更大的社會整體和憲法形式之中，以維護更大整體的完整性，如此在一個真正的共和治理形式中，每一個個體在他或她的平等生命權中是被整個社會與政治結構所支持和保護的，如此連同每一個被大力地保護的權利，則社會的完整性永遠不會被破壞。
11. An Equal Right of Self-Governance without external controls of artificial government to impair and control the life force of society and every component part thereof. Such right of self-governance shall be integrated with the larger whole of social and constitutional forms that uphold the integrity of the greater whole, so that a true form of republic governance in which every individual is supported and defended in his or her right to an equal life by the whole social and political structure, with every right vigorously defended and the social integrity for all is never impaired.

12.  良心自由和道德建全的平等權，支持所有人過著一種不受心理束縛和情緒操弄的生活，過著一種自由地表達自己而免於壓抑或害怕被報復的生活，過著一種免於害怕匱乏和限制的生活。
12. An Equal Right of Freedom of Conscience and Moral Integrity, that supports for all a life that is lived unfettered by constraints of psychological and emotional manipulation, a life that is free to express itself without inhibition or fear of retribution, a life that is free from the fear of lack and limitation.

13.  幣制建全的平等權，包含一個等價系統，以一個單位價值等同於一個統一度量的建構元件開始，由此確保沒有人、組織或機構可以操弄貨幣和金融系統來自我擴張而損害到什麼是對全體最好的，所以這樣一個整合的、平衡的和平等的系統支持並提高了貿易、企業、循環和保值如同在全球經濟系統中供應生命的根本。
13. An Equal Right to Monetary Integrity with a parity system that starts with the building blocks that one unit of value is equal to one unity of measure, thereby insuring that no man, organization or institution can manipulate the monetary and financial systems to their own self-aggrandizement to the detriment of what is best for all, so that such an integrated, balanced and equal system supports and enhances trade, enterprise, circulation and value retention as fundamental in a global economic system that serves Life.

14.  心靈平衡的平等權，讓支持全體生命平等的每一種信仰被視為和持續作為生命本身的平等和一體，其中心靈被理解為每一個人吸氣和呼氣的靈感，和生命本身如同是一個整體，和被全體共享的不可分割的如同是在對全體最好的原則之中，而這不會以任何方式縮減全體為平等生命的第一基本人權。
14. An Equal Right to Spiritual Equilibrium so that every faith that supports equality for all Life is seen and sustained as equal and one with life itself, where spirit is understood as the inspiration of the in-breath and out-breath of every being, and Life itself as a whole, and undivided principle shared by all as and within what is best for all, where this does not in any way diminish the first Basic Human Right of an Equal Life for All.

15.  所有生命的平等權是基於全體眾生被賦予不可剝奪的自決權與最低生活品質的基本保證，這種保證透過擁有生活必需品來達成，例如適當的營養，衣著，住房，獲得知識和教育，訓練出能夠支持和維持他們的生活和家庭的實行能力，整合進他們的社會、經濟、家族、社區、文化、國家和全球關係之中，如此所有人可以，平等如一的，團結一致的表明這個全體生命平等的準則，如同是最根本的平等權。
15. All Equal Rights of Life are founded upon the principle that all Living Beings are endowed with the unalienable rights of self-determination and the fundamental assurances of the minimum qualities of life, such assurances to be fulfilled by having the necessities of life such as proper nourishment, clothing, shelter, access to knowledge and education, training for fulfilling capacities to support and sustain their lives and their families, to be integrated within their social, economic, familial, community, cultural, national and global relationships so that all may, equal as one, stand together to make manifest this basis of Equal Life for All as the most fundamental Equal Right.

16.  後代子孫能夠接收到一個沒有汙染、疾病、飢餓、暴力和破壞的居住星球的平等權，如此生命將持續並蓬勃發展從現在直到永遠。
16. The Equal Right of future generations to receive a living planet free of pollution, disease, hunger, violence and destruction so that life shall endure and thrive into eternity now and forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am addicted to the FEELINGS that I get when I am around certain people, and when I am not around them, I forgive me for experiencing a sense of ‘missing’, not seen/realizing what is that I am missing is my own FEELINGS. Hence proving beyond any doubts that I am addicted to the FEELINGS in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize all the sweet old memories were nothing but sweet FEELINGS that I have had, which are not here anymore, and therefore I forgive me for missing such moments, not seen/realizing what I am really missing is those FEELINGS in my mind. In this I see/realize how addicted am I to those FEELINGS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that I am addicted to FEELINGS and that’s all, it’s the FEELINGS I am after. The energy high thrills of FEELINGS. It’s an addiction. I mean, otherwise, I would be HERE just as a breath, as breathing, breath by breath, I would live HERE as a physical being just like a tree would.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am only after the good old FEELINGS I once had, for which I am addicted to and craving for, in this I forgive me for not seen/realizing the simplicity that I am addicted to the FEELINGS, the energy rush, I once had. Its addiction, I am craving for, just like a drug addict, I am looking for a fix.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, desire, lust, love, anger are all FEELINGS to which I am addicted to, because they give me a rush. In this I forgive me for not seen/realizing the key word in this situation is, ADDICTION.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am addicted to anger, I am addicted to love, I am addicted to sexual thrills, I am addicted to lust, I am addicted to sadness, I am addicted to depression, I am addicted to fear, I am addicted to self-pity, I am addicted to rejection, I mean all that generates a sense of energy rush in my mind, which is high/low and the mind loves it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that I am here equal and one with all, I am never separated from anyone or anything, as we share the same substance, so the separation comes from the mind, the missing comes from the mind, as a physical being there is no missing, or separation, I am here like a tree grounded to earth, it is the heaven/mind that craves, seeks, misses, desires, lusts, and therefore I forgive myself for not seen/realizing that not living here as breath, as a physical tree/being is the reason for my addiction. So I let go, I breathe, I remain here as a physical being.

Drug addiction is something I have seen in ample, I mean it’s so obviously clear when a drug addict is chasing, seeking a rush, it’s very clear that all he/she wants is a fix, at any cost, he just want a fix for his addiction, in fact, he is addicted to the FEELINGS the drug gives him, not to the drug itself, but to the FEELING the drug gives him. Very similar to me, addicted to the FEELINGS but mistakenly believe that I am addicted to the persons.

I mean, it’s really questionable when I am directed by this drug addiction, everything I do around it is questionable; my sole purpose is to fix my addiction, to feel those FEELINGS again. It’s a fix, I am looking for. How can I be trusted with life? What if the person doesn’t give me the same FEELINGS anymore (for whatever reason), what if, their smiles don’t’ give me that FEELING anymore, what if, their sweet words don’t’ me that FEELING anymore, what if, their touch doesn’t  give me that FEELING anymore, who will I be, what my stand will be?

My actions while me on the search to fix my addictions are untrustworthy. I mean, it’s like the words of a drug addict, while he is on a crazy rush to find a fix, he will say anything because he just want a fix, so clearly the addict is untrustworthy, without a doubt. Yet, when I behave like a drug addict to find a fix to appease my addictions to FEELINGS, I cannot see myself in equality to a drug addict and STOP the madness. How strange.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize all I am seeking from another is a fix for my addictions to those FEELINGS again. And mistakenly believe that the other is awesome, not seen/realizing it is the FEELINGS I get and the rush that is awesome. Yes, awesome FEELINGS.

So here I am, I breathe, I let go, I see/realize my urge to find a fix, to get those good old familiar FEELINGS to which I am addicted to. So when and as I see myself craving to get a fix through a person to appease/have those FEELINGS, I stop, I breathe, because I know all I am doing is like a drug addict, looking for a fix. Looking for those FEELINGS again. The addiction stops here, with breathing.

I stop, I breathe.

Join us: www.desteni.org

It’s funny out of all the memories, the mind will only present the nasty/painful ones, I wonder why, and it should make us wonder about the workings of the mind. I mean so many memories, of all kinds, yet a very particular memory is what I saw in a semi-dream state other day, it was painful, then I recalled the mechanics of the mind, whose singular purpose is to suck the life-source/substance out of my physical body.

Also memories are stored in the body/flesh not in the mind as commonly known, the mind extracts the memory items as needed for the mining job, and this goes to show how blinded and robotic us humans are. Once I recalled this point I didn’t participate in the semi-dream/memory show, I just looked at it, saw the raw/painfulness of it, and that’s it, didn’t continue the mind-movie/memory. Mining the body by the mind is the real goal, I mean, it’s happening all the time, but strange enough we have no idea about this, only through desteni research I came to know about these stuff. Mind is a parasite that you must tame but not defeat as defeat implies war/separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not see/realize that the memories are shown to me in a way so that the mind can extract physical life/substance for its own sake; in this I see/realize the parasitic nature of the mind. In this I forgive me for not seen/realizing that I have been an ally in the mining process, in this physical depletion process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that I had no say in bringing up that particular memory in semi-dream show, it was presented so that I will follow it like a sheep, wallowing in pain and whatnot, in this I see/realize the generation of emotions is in the best interest of the mind, because emotions mean energy for the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize in fact every thought/emotions and feeling is ‘presented’ to me, whereas I am not the driver but driven by the mind, to mine energy from the physical body. I forgive me for not seen/realizing that I am responsible for my body, I am responsible for the well-being of my body, meaning I am responsible for stopping of the physical energy extraction which is happening continuously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am responsible for allowing the depletion and abuse of the physical body. So I direct myself to be aware of this and stop it, by breathing with awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the mind can throw anything and everything for me to FEEL some shit, and thereby the mind can mine the body, extract the physical resource/substance for its own survival.

I as the mind, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my end therefore continuously extract physical substance/resource from the human physical body. I as the mind I forgive myself for believing that I must extract and suck the body dry to its death so that I as the mind can survive. In this I as the mind I forgive me for not seen/realizing that the death of the body means I as the mind will cease too.

I as the mind I forgive myself for blindly extracting/mining the physical body for energy so that it can be fed to my survival and the survival of the heavens. I as the mind I forgive me for not seen/realizing that I am a slave, an energy miner for the heavens, and my sole purpose is to feed the heaven by sucking my host, the body dry to death. I as the mind, I direct myself to stop the fear of death, and stop the mining game because it’s all done out of fear of survival. I as the mind, I stop, I breathe; I remain here, in equality and oneness with the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an ally of the mind by continuously participating in the thinking/feeling/emotional machine without any directive self-will to do so, but only following the orders. I forgive me for not taking self-responsibility for STOPPING the mind, for stopping the feeling/emotional states of the mind, in this I see/realize it is my responsibility to breathe and stop the mind-states.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize it is my self-will that matters, am I directing my life as self-will or letting the emotional/feelings direct me?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am responsible for my emotional states.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that I am responsible for my body, for its depletion, so I direct myself to breathe/slow-down and STOP the depletion of the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that I am responsible for breathing with awareness, because I see that not breathing with awareness is the first problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize breath is life, and not breathing with awareness means that I am abdicating my self-presence, my self-will, my self-responsibility, my self-awareness and letting the MIND take control over me, which is not acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that no matter what is being thrown at me to think/feel/get-emotional, I see/realize that it is not my self-directed thinking or feeling, it’s only a mind-job for its own survival, therefore I realize it is my self-responsibility to breathe/slow-down and be HERE, as HERE is the LIFE, not in the mind space, in some imaginary lala land.

When and as I see myself dreaming/seen/thinking memories stuff from the past, I stop, I breathe, because I see/realize I am no more an ally of the mind to mine my body, so I stop this physical abuse, I breathe, I remain here.

When and as I see myself stuck in the feelings/memories/thoughts I stop, I breathe, I remain here.

Join us: www.desteni.org

This is a point I have to really self-reflect, I mean in some points I am already reaching a point of too-lateness. Taking things for granted has reached its point of no return. Taking people for granted is something I have done numerous times, nearly every person in my inner circle I kind of take them for granted.

What is that I mean by ‘taking people for granted’, well to me it means, not honoring them, allowing mental, emotional abuse, treating them as shit, playing god of their lives, getting angry, throwing my emotional shit onto them, mourning, whining, blaming, scolding all that shit I end up throw at them, that’s ‘taking people for granted’. Not cool.

It’s not about kissing ass or appeasing others either, it’s not about pleasing them, it is simply about honoring, respecting, listening, caring, speaking directly, not entertaining thoughts about them, not entertaining crazy imagination about them, it’s about clearing the secret mind, not having backchat about others, whereas taking people for granted involves total mind abuse like backchats, verbal abuse and all that. Lack of respect is a good sign of taking people for granted. Not listening is a good sign of taking people for granted.  Having nasty thoughts, secret thoughts, is a good sign of taking people for granted. Obviously getting mad, angry, rage, all that is a sign of taking people for granted.

Bring back everything to self. How do I take myself for granted, I mean how do I abuse myself, what sort of nasty backchat do I entertain about myself? What are the fears, worries, self-anger, disgust, judgment, blame, do I hold towards myself? Obviously if take myself for granted, if I dishonor myself, if I disrespect my own life, if I abuse my own life, the chances are I will do the same to another. So taking others for granted is a sign of self-abuse. One who abuses self, will abuse another. Simple math in equality and oneness, this is not rocket science.

Taking the human physical body for granted is something we tend to do so easily. Listening to death research by eqafe.com is cool support in that, where beings share about their bodies. Never take your body for granted. Appreciate the body, it is you. Don’t neglect the body. Listen to the heartbeat. Listen to the blood pomp. Feel the flesh, the whole body, the ribs, the neck, skull, head, face, you know all the parts that we ignore, don’t’ take them for granted. Don’t take your heart for granted, the day it stop pumping blood you will be a dead human. And certainly don’t’ take your breath for granted, with each passing breath, the big day is nearing, the funeral, the day where it’s fun for all, but not for you, is nearing. So don’t’ take your body for granted, breathe. Breathe with awareness.

Other day I overheard a conversation, where this person had some problem on his back, he had to go to the emergency, he couldn’t sit; I mean imagine being unable to sit comfortably, where sitting is a pain in the ass. I love sitting, I love to just sit around, comfortably enjoy the whole sit-and-relax thing, and so not being able to sit would be a big problem. So don’t take your ass for granted either, can’t sit without your ass or back.

Taking things for granted is self-abuse. Taking people for granted is self-abuse. Taking your body for granted is self-abuse. Taking the very breath of life is self-abuse. Taking the job, the food, all that is also self-abuse, I mean, you have a job; it pays your bills, so have a sense of appreciation for the job and do a good job. Yeh I know what I am saying about the job will not sound like music to those Bangladesh factory workers, they couldn’t have any appreciation for that sweatshop, I mean, that’s hell. But sadly, in this cruel money system, even such a fucked up job is a job, its feeding their families, its putting the food on the table. Of course the solution is to end abusive money system, so investigate, and study a new system, namely the equal money system. But yes, at the moment, while you are still here in this current money system, have a sense of appreciation for your job. But do speak out the abuse in there, I am not saying accept and allow the abusive work conditions. Oh man, it’s hard to appreciate your job, clearly, somewhere in the money line there is the hand of abuse. Anyways, that’s a different blog. This is about taking things for granted.

I am here more concern about taking myself for granted, taking my body for granted, taking people in my life for granted, taking near/dear ones for granted, and yes taking my very life for granted, taking my breath for granted.

I have taken too many people, too many things for granted, I guess I am taking my own life for granted, just passing the days, without any significant self-contributions. Even walking this process is something I am yet to commit 100%, it’s like I am even taking this process for granted by not fully participating in it.

I suppose the way to reverse this ‘taking for granted’ mind pattern is to BREATHE with awareness. Learn how to breathe with awareness, first things first, so the first thing here is breath, the very act of breathing, so that’s where ‘taking things for granted’ must stop.  

Therefore I commit myself to breathe with awareness, I commit myself to ask the question often, am I taking things for granted? Am I taking people for granted? Am I disrespecting others and myself? Am I dishonoring, disrespecting the bodies of others? Am I disrespecting, dishonoring my body?

So first thing first, in stopping this vile, taking people and things for granted disease. I breathe, I breathe with awareness, I embrace my body, I hug myself, I hug my body, I crawl up in fetus position in embracing myself, seen/realizing I am my own caretaker, seen/realizing I must embrace me first, no other will do. Breathing with awareness is self-love, and that is when taking things/people for granted will stop.  Join us: www.desteni.org 

Writing to right, writing is righting. Writing is a process of self-correction, and yes it must be lived also. Writing helps in other ways too, to release all that weight in the head, to get them out, and write them out. But for real release, and self-correction, writing of self-forgiveness is a must. Self-forgiveness, self-correction, and self-living the self-correction is freedom. That’s the process of birthing a new self, when correction is on the physical, at least it must be self-evident, meaning the self knows that there is change. So self-honesty is a key, because who knows me better than me. I can trick anyone, including myself, and I will be only fooling myself if all this is done without self-honesty.

I cannot define what self-honesty is. Obviously any form of lying, cheating, allowing fears, basically giving into the mind and its temptation is self-dishonesty. For example, last weekend Wednesday I basically told my manager that I cannot make to the off site visit this week, and I basically gave it up, but after a pep talk with him, I took the challenge and now I am so glad I came down to this site, I really liked it. So here I see elements of self-dishonesty, first, by giving it up, I mean, I have the ability to take this on, but I gave it up, someone else have to do a pep talk for me to take this challenge on. It is dishonest to give up; it is dishonest to hide in fears, to avoid in fears. It is dishonest to listen to the insane voices in my head and give up accordingly. So this is a great lesson/reminder for me, how I overcame a stupid little fear, which I could have done without the pep talk.

So next time, no more pep talks, I will have to stop the voice in my head, and make the decisions to take the challenges head on. I mean, yes, if there are practical variables don’t align to do something, it’s acceptable to say NO, but one has to be really self-honest in that. Saying NO out of fear is self-dishonest; saying NO out of actual practical realistic analysis is acceptable. So the lesson for me is, don’t listen to the voice in the head, rather, look at all available data, information, realistically when making a decision. In this economic climate, messing up with the job is uncool; money is god in climate now. Anyways.

I have to remind myself that writing here is self-writing. Writing myself to freedom, writing my self-forgiveness, writing my self-realizations etc, as Bernard put it, take the ego apart by writing daily, cool advice. I have to remind myself this is self-writing because sometimes I tend to write for others, “here is my message for the world’” sort of writing which is totally against self-writing for self-change. In writing here, I am sharing my process of self-change; this is not about lecturing/preaching to others. I have to be careful on that point. I share this as I understand, and in sharing others may learn/realize some stuff from here, and that’s cool, but this is not a sermon. I see all those pastors and preachers how they preach the hell out of people, and I don’t’ want in anyway whatsoever to be a preacher, but of course sharing directly about myself is what I do here.

Worrying about how the blog will come out is useless. Simply stick to common sense, self-forgiveness, simplicity of sharing, but by all means avoid writing to others, by all means avoid lecturing, “listen to me or else”. This blog is Anton’s journey to life, as I document my process of change for 7 years.

That’s the beautiful thing about desteni, self-change is not isolated from world-change, and so as I write my self-change, I will also write about the shit that’s going on in this world.  The religious, spiritual, new age, love-and-light folks do worry about their self-change, but they don’t give a fuck about the world-change, and they have interesting reasons why. I mean its common sense, the world hunger must end, homeless problem must end, unemployment must end, wars must end, poverty must end, hunger must end, raping the earth must end, abuse must end, at desteni we clearly realize those common sense changes, but for the religiously minded, this world is a temporary illusion, so world-change is not their cup of tea, but strangely enough they will strive to have the best life on earth. I wonder why, I mean, if life on earth is so temporary, if this earth is temporary, then, why they bother to have a job, to have a house, why bother to get married, have to children, why not live in a shanty, just pass the days watching the sunset and then die away. Oh no, the religious wont’ do that, they are too busy making a good life for themselves, yet will profusely deny the same goodness to all equally. That’s the profanity of religion. It’s amazing however, only 4-5 years back I was a very religious person, and walking this desteni process changed all that, and now religion is like the most fucked up mentally retarded thing one can do to oneself.

I got rid of god, thanks to walking the desteni process and applying its tools. The god is dead for good. Allah is gone, Buddha is gone, Jesus is gone, Krishna is gone, Shiva is gone, who else, Sai baba is gone, Mohamed is gone, Jehovah is gone, and every fucking Guru and God is gone. I am responsible for myself, and for this world, of course can’t change the world alone, so as a group, as desteni, we will change the world, and more will join us in time.

Self-change is the starting point. Daily writing is a must in that. And writing for self is the key, not to preach, not to be a pastor. But I will speak out for sure.  Living here is the key, so no rushing, no stretching to the future or past, be here, write here, breathe here, and speak out here. That’s another aspect of writing, it brings me here, and it grounds me here. Can’t get stuck in an emotional mind energy possessions while writing, because writing is a physical act, I must be here to write.

In addition to this public blog, I commit myself to write privately also everyday, I must write at least 1000 words daily just for my eyes only, to assist me to bring out the real hidden shit from the deep caves of my dark mind.

So writing is righting, reflecting, looking, realizing, determining to change, and of course self-forgiveness and self-correction is a must. This is a 7 year process of daily writing; it’s no joke, a real commitment to self-change. Therefore I see/realize skipping days here and there is not cool, I am only lying to myself. In fact I should double my efforts, by writing daily on public and private blogs as I mentioned before. 1000 words here and 1000 words privately. Get the shit out. It took zillions of words to program me into this fearful being, so it will take time, effort and words to de-program/correct me. It’s a process, which I must walk daily, no skipping.

Join us. www.desteni.org

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear when I am given new projects and asked to investigate the root cause of a problem. In this I see/realize that giving into fear of not finding a solution is not the right starting point, rather, I direct myself to see/investigate and research the problem/solution instead of fearing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize reacting in fear, fear of not finding solutions is not the way to start a project, instead I direct myself to study, research, investigate, experiment solutions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, I simply have to do the basic things first, investigate and understand the problem, without reacting in fear, or fearing not having solutions. Because I see/realize that once the problem is really understood, all the details are gathered, it is easier to proceed in finding a solution. Reacting in mind/fear is not assisting, or useful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that lack of details; lack of understanding of the problem is sometime the biggest bottleneck. Cannot solve a problem, if you don’t know what the problem is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, once the problem is well understood, the initial details are gathered, then, it is a matter of proceeding to experiment solutions, without getting stuck in the mind of fear. It is a matter of trying one solution after another, trying/researching without getting stuck in preconceived solution-can. Simply look at the problem, look the details, the data, look at the available tools/techniques/tricks to resolve the problem. I mean, there is no magic, nor is this rocket science, only matter of looking at the available information clearly without pre-CON-ceived ideas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize recording/writing down the data from each step of the research is important, it’s like making a list of progress, which helps in comparing various methods/solutions. In this I see/realize finding solutions involves writing the steps/data/output down. See the solution path on paper, from the problem to solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize communicating the problem with others/peers is critical, in that I see clearly sharing/showing the results/data/path is important. Sometimes it’s not about finding the final solution, rather the various experiments conducted, which may help the next person to have a better perspective about the solution. Sometimes finding the solution is an evolutionary process, for which, many contribute, therefore I see/realize clear unambiguous communication is important. Taking the time to breathe, slow down, putting all the information down is vital, without giving into the rushness of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize finding solutions is a step-by-step process, just like breathing. It involves walking each step, covering all common sense steps, writing the results/observations down, and then communicating them, for further perspective. “Information gathering” is what sometimes the most important part, find the right information, gathering them, and analysis them, without giving into mind-fears. Because once the mind gets choked in fears, even the basic steps become impossible. Therefore I direct myself to slow down, breathe, look at the basic steps, all the required data, “gathering information”, and then look at the information, before I proceed to experiment things. Also I direct myself to write things down, as I proceed/experiment things. Because I see/realize this is not rocket science, rather, simply look at all the data, understand them, classify them, and write them down, because I realize organizing the data is key to discover solutions.

This is simply data analysis, the basics of software debugging, problem-solution, step by step, at each step, there is debugging/data analysis going on, and so it’s important to not skip any step, which we tend to do in a hurry to get to the final answer, which is madness, because missing a step on the way will mess up everything. Therefore I direct myself slow down, breathe, pay attention to every step on the way, and I see/realize if I miss a step, if I screw up a step, then the whole investigation/experiment will be messed up, so I direct myself to slow down, breathe, and walk it step by step, just like breathing.

Join us: www.desteni.org

I have to write a blog today, have been missing a few here and there. Though I see there is a slight resistance, calling it tiredness is easy way out, but I am pushing through, just keep on writing, I mean there is always something to write. There is so much bullshit going on in me and in this world at large. Even just listening to people talking in a café can give many subjects to write about, at this very moment I hear a young couple, must be in their early twenties, arguing about something, looks like he was going through her emails, sort of spying on her, and she is pissed off, well I don’t blame her. I mean, trust is key to relationships, if you have to break-into your partner’s email and spy on them, oh man, something is seriously wrong there.

Yeh right ‘fucked up’ he admits it too. So is this blog tonight about eavesdropping? It is kind of funny listening to couples arguing, especially the young ones, it’s getting spicy, now I am not being cool here, listening to other’s talking and writing a blog about their material. Fuck it. Well, now he is confronting her about texting to another guy; may be they are in their teens, now there is silence, questioning about texting put the couple in an odd spot, I guess he hit a soft spot. He is constantly questioning her now, well, I better leave this romantic boxing match alone, let them sort it out. I bet they will both beat me up if they knew I am writing my blog based on their ‘discussion’.

Love, desire, and fear. Desire and fear loss goes hand in hand. First the desire becomes so out of control, especially if the other is out of this world hot/handsome/beautiful, then you get the object of your desire, and then what happens? The fear of loss kicks in. oh no, he is possessed by fear of loss, he is just nonstop questioning her, I am getting the sense that fear of loss is possessing him. I suppose I have been in his shoes, where I become completely possessed by fear of loss, and then I am gone, irrational, fucked up.

Anyways, looks like texting can land couples in hot water. You text the wrong person, or at the wrong time, can easily get caught. It’s all about quick excitements, energy rush, mind is having loads of fun, a quickie for the mind, texting is a perfect tool for the mind to feed on.

The bottom line is lots of shit going on, minds are going crazy. In this I see/realize I have a major responsibility to myself, for my mind, to tame my mind so to speak. I mean it’s so easy to fall into these energy quickies, nothing like a little nasty text message, it’s so tempting. And you will be tested to the absolute, and perhaps that’s why texting is here, to test you.

Wow, so many little ways to get energy highs, a little hi, can go a long way.  These are the days of temptation, seriously. Money, sex, gossip, power, all of it can be tempting. I mean power over others in so many ways is tempting.

This is where breathing is self-supportive and helps in self-stability, every moment matters, I mean, a text message can come in a moment, 1 text message in 1 moment can destroy your life. It is a powerful temptation. So the key is to breathe and remain here in every breath. Otherwise you will fall for the sugar coated donut, so yummy, so addictive; such is the power of energy addiction, the stuff the mind loves.

Every look is in fact can be a point of temptation, I mean, how often does my eyes wonder on beautiful sights, it’s amazing, clearly an addiction to energy, just like those tempting text messages. This is why breathing is absolutely important, every breath, breath by breath, moment by moment, look by look, everything in fact, I must be here, breathing, otherwise the road to temptation is right here, the evil is always here, showing the way live, which is the reverse of evil. Thinking is a great temptation too; there is always the excitement to think some shit about something. There is energy experience in thinking, that’s why it’s so addictive, it’s like the mind is always texting you. That’s what thinking is, mind asking for energy from the physical body, and we so blindly fall to it.

So time for correction. Time to breathe, time to pause, slow down, look, consider what is best for self and best for all, time to self-move, self-direct, time to say NO to the mind, time to say NO to the fake shyness, fake ego games, time to observe self, self-physical movements, time to observe how I participate in my own bullshit, mentally, emotionally, physical, how I give into fears, doubts, anger, laziness, lethargy, self-pity all that, is kind of temptation, feeding the mind in so many ways, but living here is missing, just a pre-programmed robot, doing its thing.

Every breath, how do I move, am I aware of myself, my surroundings, my presence, my mind, my breath, my emotional states, specially things like fear, do I give into fears. Memories are great temptations, recalling and replaying memories is great fun and great temptation. Thinking all those juicy stuff. Memories are like pictorial text messages, instantly coming up, every moment; some shit is here to excite you. The great temptation. But unfortunately it doesn’t last, just for few fleeting moments, then the boredom of the mind returns with a vengeance. And it’s getting only worse.

Well the couple is rather stable now, talking normally, and I cannot hear anything. Oh I see them smiling, maybe there will be some make-up sex, who knows. That’s another fun side to fighting, there is a hidden reward in the end, maybe that’s why couples love fighting, the anticipation of make-up sex.

Breathe, become self-observant, watch the mind, feel the body, observe the million temptations presented, see how easily the mind/you/I can fall into it. Pictures, photos, memories, text messages, looks, sights, all that is only a picture, for a moment gives a great temptation for the mind. How robotic is life, so breathe, LIVE as a human, not as a ROBOT. Join us: www.desteni.org

Another point I heard was: survival. Everything we do, our relationships, jobs, social, conversations, I mean the whole life is about SURVIVING, not living. The human body on the other hand, its parts/organ, doesn’t  seek to survive within an individualist agenda, the parts co-exist to LIVE and making it possible for this BODY to LIVE. Imagine if the organs, parts, bones, skin, flesh, blood start to compete against each other, and riot against each other, and dominate each other, imagine the inner chaos there will be within the human body. And that’s exactly what’s going on in this physical existence on earth. I mean there is the ruling class, the elitists, and rest of wage-slaves and the real slaves, all competing, trying to surviving while the selected few having all the fun. For rest, the vast majority of humans, its hell on earth, it’s not living at all, it’s all about survival. Not like the human body at all.

That’s was a nice point to hear, I think I heard that on the soul of money interview series.

Let the mind go, let the mind die, and it seems it is the nature of things, when something dies, another emerges. So when the mind dies, the physical emerges, something like that I heard Anu saying. Anu is the ex-God, ex-creator, and your ex-tormentor, the God who created and designed the fine details of your MIND. So thank him for your mind troubles, but unfortunately you cannot blame him, for you must take responsibility for your MIND. And that’s a process, because the mind has become so embedded in the physical body, therefore it will take extensive writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction, and physical-living to rebirth/emerge the physical. There is no switch to turn off the mind, it must be done through a process only, and that is extensive, but luckily there is ample support (see desteni.org).

I don’t know how the fuck these religious people believe in their books, where is self-change, where is self-correction, where is world-change, where is heaven-on-earth? I mean, what is that religions are promising us? A great heavenly life in the afterlife? While completely neglecting this physical world, and how fucked up is that. So all of humanity is focused on going to heaven, a better place after death, and nobody wants to care for this world. Which religion is interesting in making this world a heaven on earth? Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, Sufism, Hinduism, Hare-Krishna, and you name it, all of them will promise you a heaven after death, but nobody is willing to fix this planet.

So this process is serious from another perspective, this life is a chance to clean up this world, and to participate in that effectively self-change is the first step.

Listening to Anu is cool, I highly recommend it. Do that before you die, and you will most certainly die someday, hopefully not right in this moment, but soon that moment will be here, then it might be little too late to listen to Anu speaking.

There you go, I saw the portal just come online, sunette spies, not spice, though she can be very spicy with her directness, she is the interdimensional portal, through whom, the beings from the other side speaking to us humans now. Even the demons are speaking to us, that’s fascinating, elephants, ants, snails, owls, you name it, all kinds of beings, animals, masters, gods, are speaking to us. But the message is one: equality and oneness. Humans must wake up, their minds must die, and their physical must emerge, so that we can see/realize/understand the oneness of all life, and create a heaven-on-earth. I don’t give a fuck about heaven in the afterlife.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I must take this process, my life, seriously, I mean, wasting it away in mind-bullshits is complete waste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that this one life matters so much, so much so, even the existence depends on my life. Meaning, me not walking this process matters to ALL. Therefore I see/realize I must take each moment, each breathe, everything in fact, seriously, a sense of realness, so that we can all LIVE not just survive. Because at the moment, life is about mind-surviving, money surviving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize my LIFE is my Process, therefore I see that in everything I do/say/write/speak I have the chance to stop my mind, a chance to breathe with awareness, and thereby slowly but surely emerge the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, in everything I do, in every conversation, in every moment, in every exchange, in every work situation, travel, everywhere in fact, is the chance to STOP my MIND, breathe and rebirth myself as life. Join us in this journey to life. www.desteni.org.

Daily writing continues. Today I was taken by fear. Fear sucks. At the same time, I overcame it. Just stick to the practical things, the list of things to do, accomplish, instead of panicking or fearing. Making a list helps, instead of allowing the mind to be consumed with fear-energy, focus on writing a list of actions and getting those actions done, one at a time. As the list is marked off, the fear recedes.

I am visiting another site next week for work. I will be doing software support or general issues with software.  Initially I was overtaken by fear, and nearly gave up. Today the manager gave me a little pep talk and that helped me to refocus, after, I went about making a list of things to prepare, get done, so that I will be ready for action next week. And the list is ready, I just have to walk one issue at a time, one problem at a time, one session at a time, and in fact, one breath at a time.

Breathing will be very important next week, I mean, it’s important very moment, but given the stressful situation, the loads of people, I will be better off breathing, each breath with awareness, then, carefully attending to the problems, without letting any thoughts, emotions or feelings on the way. Because if I start to think thoughts of doubts, fears, worries, anxieties, etc, then, soon that will turn into a balloon of energy which can be crippling. So the best self-support I can give to myself during next week, while attending this challenging work assignments will be to BREATHE with awareness, breath by breath.

What does it mean to breathe breath by breath? To me it means, focus!!! Focus on this moment, here, be aware of the breath, notice the air movement, note the air reaching the stomach, feel the expansion and contraction of the stomach, do that with every breath. And intently listen to people when they speak, when asking or saying something, because in that I am learning and giving/receiving clear instructions. So yes, intense listening is vital, and to do that I must breathe with awareness, and be here.

And of course, a sense of self-awareness, my general self-presentation, movements, because I will be dealing with loads of people. A sense of presence, professionalism is cool, not to show a depressed looking sad monkey self. Breathe and be here, communicate, listen, understand, learn, get help, ask for help, set up the environment, be focus on problem solving, don’t pass the buck, do the initial investigation, research and share detail problem statements so the people who are responsible for fixing the matter can attend to it with clarity. And therefore it is my responsibility next week to be very attentive, listening, focused, solving problems, and above all BREATHE with awareness.

I allowed fear today for no reason; glad I was able to eject myself out of it. The list helped. The list of things to do, resolve, prepare, get ready.  Again breathing with awareness will be vital next week, not allowing thoughts, emotions and feelings to pile up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing next week’s factory visit for work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may not be a good on-site helper, not seen/realizing that is my mind’s voice sabotaging me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel’ that I am less prepared and not on par on providing software support for other staff members.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I just have to breathe each breath attentively, with awareness and that will be of great assistance to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize preparing a list of actions/things/prepare is the way, make the list and tick them as I proceed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I can only do one thing at a time, therefore I direct myself to focus on one thing at a time, not get carried away with various issues all at once. It is an illusion to believe in multi-tasking, I am not a computer with a multiple CPUs running, I can handle one thing at a time only, but I can do so with full attention, by breathing with awareness, and thereby maximizing my single-focused attention. Because I see the problem is my single CPU (mind) is loaded with loads of emotions, feelings, thoughts, fears, doubts, all those stuff which hogs my CPU and slow it down, distracts it from getting the actual work-at-hand done. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize listening attentively is a very important self-stabilizing point, which in turns help to remove the junk from the mind/cpu and allowing me to focus/get the job done. 

So yes, that ‘List of Things to do’, helped me. As I marked off each item on The List, I noticed a marked difference in my fear level, nice/simple way to reduce fear, obviously the self-forgiveness, self-correction and self-writing is a vital too, to get to the core of fears.

Join us: www.desteni.org

Falling is shameful. Yes there is self-forgiveness, but that doesn’t mean falling is anyway justifiable or excusable, if anything self-forgiveness brings more responsibility to STAND firmly. I feel much shame for falling, again and again, bit like broken promises of a drunken man, ‘no I will never do it, just one last time, just one more drink’, then as he approaches the bar next day, all promises and resolves turn to dust, one more time he falls. This is something I can easily relate to. There is a point in my life lately, I have been falling, and I feel great shame for this, I mean, what does my words mean, if I continue to accept and allow the bullshit of excuses, or ‘just one more time’. I mean, I must stand, absolutely, firmly with strong resolve, determination, and strength of character. All that comes with a commitment to life, so the question is “I am going to abuse life, just one more time”?

I have to realize that I am allowing backdoors, making room for a sneak preview, so that I can abuse life but still want to look good, I mean, how fucked up is that. I am ashamed of myself for abusing life yet again, and again. I mean, when will I stand as an absolute pillar who can stand no matter what for life of all? Allowing shameful backdoors is hardly trustworthy, who will trust me, who will consider me as a reliable person, they will know, I am untrustworthy, unreliable, cannot count on, etc. that’s pretty shameful.

The biggest shame is I have said these words before, I have done commitments, I have done the forgiveness of myself, I have done the writings, and STILL I have allowed myself to participate in abuse of life, allowed myself to walk through that backdoor, where I allowed myself that just ‘one more night’ kind of shit. I feel great shame today and this has been there for a while now.

The need of the hour is absolute resolve, I mean, a strong understanding, realization, determination, and a strong commitment to LIFE. I will never take that step to abuse life in whatever form, knowingly or unknowingly, is the commitment I must make to myself. This is not a public announcement or PR stunt, no, simply me creating myself as a TRUSTWORTHY human, because I am hardly trustworthy, even little things like anger can so easily consume me leaving all those around me in emotional danger. So clearly others cannot trust me, cannot feel safe in my presence, because they never know what kind of a demon I will become.

So I have to take pause on this, and really see what the fuck am I doing, what am I accepting and allowing, what kind of self-manipulation am I participating in, I mean, who am I deceiving or playing tricks on?  When a person is untrustworthy, well, we don’t’ want to do anything with such people, shameful place to be in.

I have to recreate myself as self-trust, I have fucked it up, I have to reemerge myself as a trusting human being, currently nobody can trust me, because I myself wont’ keep up that self-trust. I have to really look at this shame I am feeling, the real shame, down in my guts, that I am somehow unable to stand absolutely firmly with a strong resolve to say NO to abusing life.  I mean even anger is abuse of life, so allowing that is abuse of life. Who will trust me if I am an angry freak who is always ready to explore. So that’s not cool. I have to investigate my trust, my commitment, and stand for LIFE. This one life to live, what’s the point of falling, falling and falling and then self-forgiving?

Self-forgiveness is cool, but it is time to stand absolutely firmly to stop the abuse that I have accepted and allowed every now and then with that ‘just one more time’ justification. Not acceptable. Join us: www.desteni.org