Daily Archives: August 11, 2012

Day 114 – Judging Life Here through Memories is a curse.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at life through memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look people here through the memories I have about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at myself through all sorts of memories which I have experienced and acquired from the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories as if they are written on stones so that I can readily use them to judge what is here as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that memories have one singular purpose: that is to JUDGE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge humans as bad because of apparent bad memories I have about them, in that, suggesting that they can never escape my memory and judgment about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never ask the question: When will I set them free from my memory based judgments about them? or will they ever be free? or will they die with my judgment upon their heads?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, judging humans for their apparent past mistakes is a heavy burden upon them which they must carry to their graves. in this I forgive myself for not realizing, I never liked it when others judged me for my apparent past mistakes and I see/realize/understand it never assisted when others bring up my past mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that humans are deadly and they cannot ever change, not realizing that is the implication of holding unto memories and judging people here based on memories. Memory based judgment is an eternal curse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see people as demonic who will never change, not realizing, that is the implication of judging people based on memories. It never gives them a chance to set them free, for I am judging them eternally through my memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, judgement is an eternal curse upon another, at least that is how I experienced it when others judge me for what I have done in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see humans as eternal abusers, which is what implied by holding onto memories about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people and never set them free from my judgments about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize, self-judgement based on memory is curse as well, and it is the root-cause. In that I forgive me for holding myself a prisoner of my own memory based judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people based on the memories I have about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid people based on the memories I have about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid communicating with people based on the memories I have about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid socializing with people based on the memories I have about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recall memories of sexual encounters and relive that sexual thrill via memory, not realizing I am simply regenerating the feelings/emotions by activating the sexual memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I really dont’ need memory to live moment by moment, I can recall them upon need-to-know bases. in that, I forgive me for not living, as all I do is exist within memories, react the memories, relive the memories, re-walk the memories,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry loads of memories about everyone in my life, in this not realizing, I am not having any real relationship with anyone, as only memories are re-lived.

When and as I see I am thinking about past memories, I STOP, I breathe, I see/realize/understand, bringing the past and judging another being based on the past is cruel, unmerciful, a curse. In this, I let go off, any and all memories I have about people, by simply not participating in them. I let go unconditionally, as I would at the moment of my death, I mean, com’on, I ain’t going to judge anyone based on my memories from the grave, am I? So, I let go now, here, and I direct myself to breathe.

When and as I see I am holding myself a prisoner through past memories, and self-judgement within them, I stop, I breathe, I see/realize/understand self-judgment is the root-cause of all judgments.

[I see/realize here, I will have to walk through each and every memory about everyone in my life, and release them via self-forgiveness, which is an extensive writing process, but it must be walked. stay tuned]

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Day 113 – Mr. nice guy character.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself as a good guy, as a nice guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I have put considerable effort into being a nice guy over the years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live this nice guy character out of fear been disliked by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out the nice guy character out of fear being excluded by family, extended family, and friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as a demonic, hence I allowed myself to play out a nice guy character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, its not about been demonic, it is simply breathing here, and not giving into pleasing others at any cost just to satisfy them and appease them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I live/play out this nice guy character to win admiration, applause, and affection from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, I play out the nice guy character to be accepted within groups, and societies, so that I will not have to be alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the nice guy character to be liked by relatives who otherwise have formed bad impressions about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money to enhance my nice guy character by handing out gifts and cash for people, just to appease them, make them happy so that they will see me as a nice guy.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to use people and their suffering to enhance my nice guy character by helping them out within their difficult situations, as it was never about supporting others as equals, rather, using them to enhance me, my act, my nice guy character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to meditate for world peace to enhance my nice guy character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to practice the ‘loving kindness’ meditation as taught by the Buddhist to appear as a wonderfully nice guy, not realizing in all that I was simply enhancing my act of nice guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to meditate for hours and days so that I can be seen as a pious nice guy who is humble cool and one with a glowing face, a really nice guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the Power of Now newage audio book for hours within the hope that it will enhance my facial appearance to make me look like I am full of love and light, in that I forgive myself for utilizing so-called spirituality to enhance my nice guy look so that people will really think I am a nice guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to people with intensity to give the impression that I really care about them, not realizing all I did was an act, the act of nice guy. the character play.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to people by looking straight in the eyes, to give them the impression that I care, in that I forgive me for playing out the nice guy character and using people for it. I see now the whole act was entirely dishonest just a show.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear certain types of robes/clothes within the love/light days to give the impression that I am holy and divine, an enhanced version of the nice guy character. I am divine, I am holy, I am all, not realizing they are just boosted up versions of the nice guy character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear all white robes/clothes to give the impression of a nice-pious-guy, that I am a pious person, not realizing all that was simply a presentation, an act. Because the ‘who I am’ factor remained hidden, covered up, while the show, the play of me the nice guy went on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the nice guy character to get sex, to impress girls so that someday me the nice guy might get laid for being nice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak about morality to give the impression of a nice guy, not realizing all that was an act.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in donations and charity to appear as a nice guy to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to goto church on Sundays to appear as a nice boy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly accepted the gods and church to appear as a nice guy to the world. so people wont’ think I am a rascal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pick and chose my friends so that I will appear as a nice guy, not a rascal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress using the ‘F’ word in fear of not being seen as a nice guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be seen as a saint and within that I forgive me for playing out the nice guy character to upgrade myself for sainthood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to date/marry single mothers so that I will be seen as a saintly guy, what a great guy to support single mothers. in this I forgive myself for desiring appreciation for eventually marrying a single mother, after all I have done a saintly noble thing. in this I forgive myself for wanting to be seen as a nice guy for marrying a single mother and supporting a step child, instead of considering all as myself and doing what is best for all, best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel great compassion so that I will be seen as a super nice guy, while not realizing real compassion is doing what is best ALL, not for selected few.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to show respect for others so that I will be seen as a nice guy, not realizing, show of respect was all a show.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to great lengths to show respect for others, not realizing all that was a play of the nice guy character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, it’s not about been a nice guy or a bad guy or a social rebel, rather simply breathing here, and doing what is best for all, without any need to please others, I simply do what is best for all within a situation considering all those involved as myself.  Simply placing myself in another’s shoe and doing what is best for ALL which includes myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a saint, a hero, so that I will be seen as the ultimate nice guy even after my death.

I see/realize/understand, my whole life I wasted in living out, playing this nice guy character to please others, to make myself appear nice to them, so that I will be liked/loved and accepted by others. I see/realize/understand, I just have to live here, as breath, no need for any appeasement, I simply do what is best for all considering all as myself.

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