Day 54 – Ample Freedom in the Grave for Eternity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw people out of my life because I feel I am done with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to throw people out of my life so that I can start a new life for myself headed by myself, in that never considering how others might experience been thrown out. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the same pattern of throwing people out of my life after spending some time/years with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously repeat this pattern of wanting throw people out of my life after some period of hanging out with them, as if I am done with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will get a rush of high energy by throwing people out of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and want to feel powerful by throwing people out of my life, never realizing I always end up regretting such moves, because once they are gone I regret their absence in my life.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play games with people by becoming close to them for a while and then throwing them out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can live alone and be alone and further believe that I cannot co-exist with anyone. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am attached to my freedom and therefore co-existing with others will ruin my freedom. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my socalled freedom, which I protect by throwing people out of my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am missing something when sharing my time with others as if I am losing my freedom. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in the grave I will have ample freedom and nobody will bother me. and yet now I see been bothered by others and therefore always look to avoid others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw people out of my life in search for my freedom that I believe that I lost while been with people. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to feel powerful by throwing people out of my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to throw people out of my life for the momentary energy high I feel as a ‘free person’ and not realize all this is just a mind energy game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want/believe that I must throw people out of my life so that I can walk free and happy again. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to incorrectly believe that when people are out of my life then I will be free and happy. Not realizing there is no way to avoid myself, I will have to face me no matter what. By throwing people out of my life, I am looking to avoid parts of me, not realizing there is no way to avoid me. I am here, every part of this existence is a mirror of me, showing me what I have accepted and allowed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw people out of my life because I believe I can avoid facing me by doing that. Not realizing there is no way, I am here as all, there is no way to avoid me. I must face me as all here. by throwing people out of my life, I am only putting it off, sooner or later I will have to face that which I am avoiding, only in bigger compounded quantity. 

So I stop, I breathe, when and as I see myself wanting to throw people out of my life in desiring wanting to give myself the FREEDOM, I see I realize that the old pattern of self-sabotage has kicked in, so I stop, I breathe, I stop avoiding me, I stop running away from me.

There will be ample freedom in the grave, so why bother to throw out of people now just for the momentary feeling of freedom. I direct myself to include people in my life, and embrace them instead of throwing them out just for the fleeting moment of freedom. I let go of the idea of freedom. Its madness, as there will ample freedom in the grave for eternity. I embrace all in my life as myself. i am here with all, there is no need to throw anyone out, its just a mindfuck.

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