Day 15: Blame is Abuse. Blame Destroys.

 

Day 15: Journey to Life. Blaming, still blaming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still blame others for what I am feeling within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in my backchat chit/chat and fuel my mental blame of others. Not realizing that the old pattern of blaming others is back. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I blame others because I believe that they didnt’ meet my wants and desires. I mean, i have a tons and wants and desires. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my wife should fulfil all my wants and desires otherwise i will blame the hell out of her for every emotion i engage in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have tons of wants and desires which I demand my wife to fulfil, otherwise i will blame her to hell. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize i am possessed by my wants and desires in that never consider others. 

this one life to live, and am i fucking it up?

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my wife must fulfil all my desires and wants, and she is my slave who must give what i want and desire. otherwise, i will blame her for every tinny emotion i feel within me. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my wants and desires which are endless and driven by my emotions. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be driven by desires and wants. just make me happy at any cost. 

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that i will blame and destroy another if my desires and wants are not met. 

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse another verbally and emotionally if they dont’ fulfil my wants and desires. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to turn my wife into a slave who must fulfil my wants and desires at all cost. not realizing that i am turning into an abuser of life for the sake of my wants and my desires, in that never considering another’s plight. 

I realize my wife is a human being, a life, manifestation of life, she deserves my utter most respect, and honor, she doesn’t deserve my blame and scolding because of my own wants and desires are not met, she deserve to live her life the way she wants to, not to please or make me happy. she doesn’t exist for me, to make me happy, to put up with my emotions and feelings, she doesnt’ exist to satisfy my wants and desires. she is here as life  walking her process, i am walking besides her, that’s all, i can support and assist, but to demand her to satisfy my desires and wants is very selfish of me. I can stand as a point of support in her life, but not as a sucker who is a burden to her emotionally and mentally. I realize i have blamed and scolded her for things/emotions that I feel within me, for which I must take self responsibility to stop. So I stop, I breath, i stop blaming, I stop scolding, yes I can communicate discuss, plan, direct, guide, live a life that is best for us all, but to blame and blame demanding to satisfy my wants and desires is unacceptable.

Life can only be lived breath by breath, what I accept and allow each breath is going to set the direction for my life. I am the director at each breath. Am I an abuser of life or support of life? I must ask this question each breath, as each breath what I accept and allow will answer the question.

This is not about my marriage, or wife, this is about the whole of existence. As what I accept and allow each moment, each breath, affects the existence. Each thought, word, action, I participate in, influence this existence. In that, i create hell on earth. As a living being, I am responsible for all that is Here.

So far, I have directed myself to seek my desires and wants, as if nothing matters. I just want my wants and desires. I will scold and blame, instead of finding a supportive practical  plan for co-existence, I have resorted to blaming and scolding. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame so that my desires and wants can be met by others. in that not realizing, I am abusing life.

When and as I see myself plotting to get my desires and wants, I simply stop, I breathe, I realize that LIFE here is not about satisfying my wants and desires. As Life i am here to give, not to take. I am here to support not to abuse.

As a responsible human being, I commit myself to show the way to others, how not to be a blamer, an abuser. Rather, I stand here as breath, breathing, not giving into my desires and wants, not giving into my emotions and feelings, not giving into my backchats. Instead I breathe, and remain here as breath, and as life, I give, I support. Life is not about my wants and desires, and my needs.

Its time I give, and in giving I may receive.

join us to deconstruct your patterns: www.desteni.org 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

* Copy this password:

* Type or paste password here:

24,131 Spam Comments Blocked so far by Spam Free Wordpress

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>