I am here.
Its my way or the high way. This is another bullying pattern I have. I cannot tolerate so many compromises, so I am always ready to speak in ultimatum tones. Either my way or high way. I mean WTF, who am I trying to deceive, I know very well most of the time I issued such ultimatums I end up being the loser. Ultimatums are not the way to go, but that is an energy possession that wants to be nasty and mean at others by offering ultimatums. Its bit like saying, I want to punish you and hurt you. I get into such mode of ultimatums when I am in need of energy. The more needy I feel the more demanding and brutal I become. As if, the world will collapse if I don’t get that energy boost.
350 billion years human mind was at slavery, no wonder, not a single time I have been able to overcome my need for energy boost especially at night time. Like a cry baby, I get into that needy mode. So moment by moment 350 billion years of enslavement to energy has happened, and I can believe it. Because I have not been able to overcome , not even a single time, so do the math, it’s a matter of adding upto 350 billon years.
My way or the high way, is nothing but total expression of self anger. Its me being angry with me but dumping unto others in a brutal spiteful way. Either that or I just want to run the fuck out here into a free land, where I am not responsible for anyone, just me headed for myself. I am so stuck in my own energy push and pull, one day I push, next day I pull, or other way around. I am always want to run away. They all connected being free and irresponsible. But I have always able to justify my escapes. God. After 350 billion years, here I have a chance to undo my bullshit patterns, will I do it or will I continue.