Daily Archives: January 23, 2011

There is only Self-Anger

I am here, today is Jan 23, 2011. My daily blogging continues.

Anger is indeed destructive. Do i need to remind myself how fiery anger can be for myself and for others. Gosh this is perhaps the most simplest of lessons every human being already knows, certainly i know this lesson so well, yet again and again i fall for this demon, anger. i mean anger, is there a single person who doesn’t ever get angry, and regret getting angry? i doubt it, anger is as normal as defecating for humans, it happens everyday in very predictable patterns. so many promises and so many new year resolutions to overcome anger, to not to explore my anger on others, yet again and again, it shows up. no mercy at all, anger takes no prisons, it knows one and only one way out, destruction and self-destruction.

Tonight, i am not angry nor i am experiencing anger, but i am hearing an angry discussion and feel the pull towards it. As if a random static from a piece of furniture nearby is hitting me suddenly. Meaning, angry of other beings, and their heated conversation has a pulling effect on me. Their conversation has nothing to do with me, yet the pull i feel, as if the current will drag me in, as if i am about react is imminently.

Anger is not personal, its an energy which can drag anyone within the vicinity of its dragging power. I feel pulled, i feel as if I am ready to jump into the debate for no apparent reason, it seems anger of others activate whats within me, therefore the anger within me seeking a feeding session, an angry session to regenerate my ego.

This is hell. either its my own anger, or its my direct action to another’s anger, or my indirect reaction to the heat of others and their anger. it doesn’t matter, the anger’s pull is felt. and i am feeling for a fight. i am getting a bit hungry for fight. so that means, my resonant anger within me already has gotten activated, it is simply awaiting an eruption or two.

Will i ever be free of anger ? will i stop reacting to another’ anger ? will i ever not get dragged into the heat of an argument of others ? The mere fact i am being pulled means i have ample anger within me, there is no doubt about that. So my anger or another’s anger or static anger (random act of anger), means all the same, because any form of action or reaction of anger is just that, anger. you cannot differentiate or categorize anger. Anger is anger, no matter how you slice or dice it, it won’t cut it.

Because Anger exist because self-anger exist. There lies the problem, self anger. Only self-forgiveness and breath can assist in living change on how i act and react to anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as anger within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as an angry demon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like being anger within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the rush of anger i feel within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anger within is so powerful that i cannot contain it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power to my anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power to the anger of another by thinking about their angry words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power and glory to my anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recall my anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about my anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my anger is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in the momentum of my anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must be angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my words during anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my anger because i believe its all other’s fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is all their fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others when i am feeling angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanting to blame others when i feel angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if i blame others then my own self anger will go down. not so. blaming others is to avoid my own anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to blame others when i feel angry within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like destruction when i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘fuck all’ when i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘go to hell you fucking pig’ when i am angry. in this i believe that others are pigs and i am a saint when i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘go rot in hell you pig’ when i am angry. in this i am basically desiring the demise of another. and justify my thoughts as valid because of course i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify all i say and do when i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify all i speak and act when i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify wars within families and friends when i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire destruction when i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must live with anger-less humans, not realising no such human exist, as i am still existing in self anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as self anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to kill me because i am so angry within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to destroy me because for some unknown goddamn reasons i am angry within myself towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think i should just die to end this anger that exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘that i can’t await to die’ so my anger will die with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanting to die to finish this damn anger that exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give so much power to the anger that exist within me. i have made my anger real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give birth to anger within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give life to the anger within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give existence to the anger within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a lease on life for the anger within me each time i get angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my anger the reasons to exist by thinking all day angry thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that i am the creator of anger in this world because i am the creator of anger within me. since i allowed anger within me, i allow it within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give birth to anger within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist as anger within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist as reaction to anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the anger of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the anger of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get pulled by the anger of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanting to get pulled by the anger of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love to be anger and mean.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love the power and energy of anger within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love to be angry which gives the power to self destroy and destroy others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanting to run away when i feel angry believing a new place will be anger free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise as long as i exist anger will exist, as there is only self anger.

i am responsible for the anger in this world because i exist as self anger in me.

i am here i am here as the breath of life.

i breathe, i do not allow self anger to ruin me, i do not allow self anger to justify itself.

i am here. i breathe thru as anger arises within me, i stop entertaining angry thoughts within me. i am here, i stop the self-anger within me as me. I realise i am the anger within me. As anger, i stop the self-anger within me.

i breathe.