Day 34 – This is a 7 year process, even missing a day is not acceptable.

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I have been rather busy today, so couldn’t sit down to write. Now the day is almost done, and there is a strong tendency to just goto bed for this day. But that is not acceptable. So I will direct myself to write some for today, before retire for night.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly believe that it is OK to skip a day here there as this is a long 7 year process, and so justify that it is ok to skip a day or two.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the day is almost done, and so i can skip this day, not realizing i am giving into excuses.

So I direct myself to write something, realizing that if I skip a day it will have consequences, it will compound which i will not like. So I direct myself to write daily, even if it is a small piece of writing that is OK. The point is self writing daily,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that now i am ‘senior’ enough to skip a day or two in my daily writing process, because now i am ‘pro’.

Not acceptable, skipping a day here and there is not acceptable. I will walk this self writing process daily for next 7 years.

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Day 33 – Mourning or Morning? Chatter in the mind decides.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my backchat and participate in my backchat this mourning as I woke up and start the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/talk/chat and participate within my backchat, who is not interested in making peace in my life, rather only want to create conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up for war by listening and participating in my backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in “what if” scenarios and give my backchat juice to work with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give life to my backchat , well I am it. I driving it, I am participating in it, I am creating it, I am the force behind my backchat, which will NOT stop until I Stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power and life to my backchat by thinking/feeling/what-if/emotions entities. Not realizing backchat as such has no power of its own, only what I give to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a victim who is been targeted by the whole world, by everyone I know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire energy from others, in the form love/attention/care etc, not realizing I am here, breathing, me as physical is here. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire appreciation/love/kindness/care/concern from others so that I can feel good about me. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give me attention/care/love/affection/kindness etc, instead wanting others to give me what I have not given to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want/crave for relationship-connections with others, so that I may feel good and happy about me. Instead of been here as breath, as physical, I am craving for relationship-connections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am the ONE I am the key. If I am not here as breath as physical as life, then, no relationship-connection can give me ‘happiness’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility by NOT been here as breath, by participating in my backchat I have given up my self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, the first act to change myself, my world, is to be HERE as breath, in been here as breath, I tackle the first problem, which is my nasty backchat. As long as my backchat is fueling me, there is no chance of peace of earth, only pieces within and without. 

I commit myself to peace of earth, for peace within myself, by the very first act of stopping my backchat.

So when and as I see myself chatting/backchat within my  mind, I STOP, I Breathe. I realize the good old backchat is up, so I direct myself to either write, or do something physical to the stop the backchat. This one life to live.

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Day 32 – Make me ‘Feel Good’

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want an energy boost in the mornings to uplift my moods. 

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want an energy excitement to feel good, to feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want an energy boost in the mornings to get my day going. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want an upliftment in the form of energy to feel good, feel better, to feel happy and excited. Instead of just breathing here as my physical body, I desire and want an energy boost to give me happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that wanting/desiring /seeking energy boost is MIND dying for its food, a boost, as MIND works as energy highs and falls. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek/want/desire movements of energy within me, something to excite me, something to feel good, feel better, something to feel happy about, not realizing in all that I am desiring/wanting/needing energy from the physical substance, like a money hungry capitalist abuser who wants to suck dry the physical to make a profit at any cost, I am desiring/wanting/needing/seeking an energy boost to make me happy, at any cost, at the cost of the physical substance. 

This process starts with me, first. Without me getting into equality and oneness within me, as my physical, I cannot effectively do so without.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek/want/desire energy from others, they must make me happy, they must say something to make me happy, they must do something to make me happy, they must give me something to make me happy, as my happiness, my feel good matters more than anything, in this, I forgive myself for disregarding my physical, as I extract take abuse the physical to get energy to make me FEEL GOOD. 

I STOP this urge to make me FEEL GOOD. I Breathe, I remain here, breathing as physical. I realize the physical, my physical is suffering extensively as I seek/desire/want to extract sustenance from it to make me FEEL GOOD by extracting energy. So I STOP this. I breath. I remain as Breath. I breathe.

I realize thoughts/thinking/emotions/memories/anger/jealousy/spitefulness are all cousins in this process of extracting energy from the physical to make me FEEL GOOD. So I STOP them, with Breathing.

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Day 31 – I am the One. I am the Way. Waiting for Savior is Irresponsible.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize anger happens because I am thinking angry nasty thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my participation is the key in continuing the anger I was feeling within me, regardless of what the external situation was. I allowed and accepted anger to consume within me, as I continued to think angry nasty thoughts. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts that are mean, nasty and angry and recall angry memories to fuel the angry emotions further. In all that I participated, created and fueled the anger within me. So I am responsible for it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize at the moment of anger, I had the choice to stop but I didn’t, therefore I realize I am a creator/co-creator of anger, regardless of the external excuses. I am always responsible and in all ways for what I allow and accept within my inner space. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others (as myself) and in that experience anger towards them ( as myself), therefore it is clear the anger I feel/experience towards others is in fact my own anger I have within me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards another who is apparently throwing anger tantrums at me. Even in such extreme outer cases, I realize how I respond to it, is my business. Therefore I am responsible for my expression, I am responsible for inner space, letting another activate my own anger means, I already have anger within me, for which, I am responsible for. 

When and as I see myself feeling all angry, I STOP, I Breathe. I see, my inner space is burning in anger because of my own participation. I created my anger, with my thoughts, emotions and feelings, therefore I undo my anger by simply breathing and staying here as physical. I breathe. I am breath.

I commit myself to breathe and remain as breath/physical here, realizing that I am the ONE I have been waiting for, I am the ONE with the key to self-realization, I am the ONE to stop the anger in this world, I am the ONE who has the answers, I am the ONE who can fix this world, and I am the ONE who must take responsibility for myself and for this world as myself. Me giving up on me is not acceptable, and me waiting for another to stop her/his anger so that I can stop my own anger is not acceptable, I am the ONE who must stop the anger first, I am the ONE who must show the way first.

I am the ONE, I am the WAY, waiting for others to me show me the way, is me giving up my responsibility for myself and for this existence.

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Day 30 – Wasting LIFE in oversleep.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to convince myself in the mornings, “oh well just sleep in”, not realizing I am wasting my life in sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to oversleep believing that I am too tired and so need rest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the idea that I am tired in the mornings and so I need rest and so keep on sleeping, oversleeping in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my oversleep as “needed” not realizing I am giving into laziness and lethargy in the mornings and stepping into bad modes thereof. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always convince myself that I should just sleep-in. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to somehow justify and convince myself that I MUST sleep in, and that is OK. Not realizing waking up early, rising up early is even better. Why waste my life on sleeping? My body needs only 6 hours of sleep, wanting more than 6 hrs is just giving into laziness and lethargy. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prepare the oversleeping by staying up too late the night before. Instead of retiring before midnight so to rise early, I stay up way too late hence justify in the morning as “OH I AM TIRED”.  I STOP THIS.

I breathe. I direct myself to retire on time the night before, so I direct myself to get up by  6am. I direct me to sleep 6 hours only, anything more is not acceptable, wasting away life in sleep is not acceptable.

In Grave there is time to sleep forever.

I breathe.

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Day 29 – Wasting away this ONE Life, in Chasing Relationships.

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Listen to this for context, first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to cling to relationships and in that waste this one life I have. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste this one life I have in emotional bullshit chasing relationships. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste away my life, day by day, breath by breath, in thinking and worrying about relationship blues. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and neglect myself and in that ignore my relationship with myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste away my life, this one life I have, in chasing relationship blues. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the most important relationship is, the one I have with me, within me, as breath, as breathing, here as me as the physical, and in that, I am with ALL as One and Equal, not desiring and craving for any specific relationship connection. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in this one life, I have  the chance to establish Oneness and Equality with ALL that is Here by simply establishing self-equality within myself as breath, as breathing. Instead of chasing relationship connections with others, I direct myself to be HERE, as breath, as breathing, as physical here. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize even if I spend my whole life connecting with one being, via relationship connection, that is not establishing equality and oneness with ALL here. In that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste away my life in just connecting with one being, and ignoring the whole of existence by ignoring ME as I was too busy chasing relationships. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that chasing relationship connections is way to waste away my life here. Instead I give up seeking special relationship connections, and establish self-connection with me, within me. I am, my physical here is the gateway to Equality and Oneness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, no relationship connection will ever work out without self-connection, without self-equality here. Meaning, only by connecting to me, as physical, as breath, as breathing, as self-equality, will I be able to walk an agreement with another as myself. Otherwise, I would waste away this one life entirely, in seeking relationship connections with 1 or 2 or 3 persons and just waste away and eventually die. A life wasted in chasing relationships and fixing relationship blues. 

So in realizing, that I am wasting away my life in relationship connections, I STOP, I breath. I remain here as me. I seek to establish my self-equality within me, within my breath, my physical. I realize seeking a relationship connection with another is just wasting away my life without first establishing self-equality within me. So I stop chasing relationship connections, Instead I connect to me, as I am the gateway to Equality and Oneness with the whole of existence.

What if my spouse gives me all the happiness in the world for the rest of my life, I will still have to die one day, then what? will I have established equality and oneness with the whole of existence? NO. So, I realize the first step is: SELF-EQUALITY. Me breathing, here as breath, is the first step. Yes, then I could walk with another without desiring or wanting a relationship connection. Just walking with another with mutual support and intimacy.

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Day 28 – Never trust the backchat, the chatter of the mind.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust in my backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to and believe in my backchat knowing very well it will lead me to doom. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hear my backchat as if it has ultimate truth and goodness, not realizing backchat is only interested in the survival of mind consciousness system. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my backchat as my friend who is a supporter of life, not realizing my backchat is not life supporting, as it support only the EGO, and of course, I allowed my backchat to run wild. 

I could have save a lot of agony today, had I simply stayed within my breath, but instead I allowed my backchat to direct me. No more.

When and as I see myself listening to my backchat, I STOP I breathe, knowing well, backchat will only lead to doom. So I direct myself to trust in me, my breath instead, and remain here as breath, the breath of life, as i breathe.

 

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Day 27 – What I do unto another, I do unto myself.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that what I do unto another, I do unto myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to win just for ME. as If only me winning matters, rest can goto hell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned only about ME, and never consider regard others as myself. Not realizing what I do unto another, I do unto myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek only my comfort and pleasure, and in that disregard others, not realizing that what I do unto another, I do unto myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that death removes all, everything is over at death. yet, I play the game of winning at all cost, as if there is no death. in that disregarding others. not realizing, what I do unto another, I do unto myself. 

When and as I see myself playing the game of energy/mind to WIN, I STOP I Breathe, realizing, that at death ALL is OVER. Therefore, I stand by the principle, “What I do unto another, I do unto myself”.

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Day 26 – Day of Endless Thinking. I Stop with Breathing.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stay put within my backchat today thinking and blaming another. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stay put within my backchat today believing I must plot and scold another. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek refugee within my backchat, not realizing my backchat is not a place of solace, rather it creates more of the same shit. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let energy direct me and believe that I have all the rights and reasons to blame and scold another, and my backchat justifies it so well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the JUDGE, The GOD by entering and living within my backchat, the house of justification and blame. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by blaming and scolding another. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself blame the world while sitting within my backchat, not realizing the stories of my backchat are illusion, no truth whatsoever, even if there is a drop of truth, the rest is all made up. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen, to hear, participate in my backchat as way to get solace and comfort, not realizing I am hurting my body by chatting within my backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRUST my backchat, and Hear my backchat and be directed by my backchat. In this I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the energy of my backchat which is not real, which will end at death. What is real here is the physical oneness and equality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to destroy myself and this world by listening to the human backchat, the energy of the mind is destroying me and this earth. I am allowing this as an individual by participating in my own secret backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize each being is here supporting me in ways I cannot see, they are assisting me, showing me what I have accepted and allowed within me. Instead of inverting points into me and investigating within myself, I have allowed to blame and scold another within my backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my Breath as the physical and exist as my backchat, the illusion. 

When and as I see myself gone and lost in ‘thinking’, I STOP, I breathe. I remain here as breath, I get into the physical, I drink a glass fo water, realizing living within the backchat is not going to assist me nor the world. So, I stop the mind’s backchat within me first.

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Day 25 – I am Responsible for my Reactions, Always in All Ways.

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Day 25. Journey to LIFE continues, this is a 7 year process of daily writing, therefore even missing one day is not acceptable, as today my mind kept on saying, just today, take a rest etc. So here pushing myself to blog on day 25. The point today is my reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am responsible for how I react towards others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my reactions based on others, meaning, I use their words/actions to justify how I react towards them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that ‘who I am’ doesn’t depend on what others say or act. Because who I am is what I decide to be. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who i am is not dependent on what another says or acts. Because who I am is what I decide. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get dragged into another’s mind storms by reacting towards them and their minds. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the best way to support another during their mind’s storms, is to simply remain here as breath and breathe. Because if I react in-kind, the energy game will only compound. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react because I justify it by saying the other instigate it. Not realizing who I am is my own decision, not based upon what another says or acts. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in a nasty mean way because I didn’t stand as a point of supporting another as myself, instead I went into spitefulness and revenge, wanting to defeat the other with my cleaver argumentative manipulations. Instead I could have easily remained as breath and given my support to another as myself till they calm down, then, have a useful chat to resolve the issue at hand. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize that there are no winners in this reality of existence, therefore no point in trying to defeat another with my cleaver verbal skills, no point in trying to convince another as guilty, no point in proving another as BAD, because in reality, I am equal and one to all here. therefore the wise thing to do is simply offer support to another as myself during their mind storms, by just remaining here as Breathing and Breathe. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another and then react towards them in a nasty angry mean way, not realizing that is no support, it is spiteful. It is spiteful to judge another and defeat them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to defeat another thru my reactions towards them, and then blame it on their original behavior as the reason for war and eventual defeat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I defeat another, I am only defeating myself, meaning, there is no point in victory over another, so might as well, support another who is in fact equal and one to me at the level of life. Just because I cannot ‘see’ the equality doesn’t mean equality and oneness doesn’t exist. I am in fact equal and one to all. Therefore victories over another is just an ego game, feels good for a moment, that’s all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliver the knockout punch and celebrate victory over another, believing that I am winning. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek victory thru my reactions towards them, wanting to defeat them, wanting to crush them, wanting to score over them, wanting to be MORE than them, all that is to make me feel just a bit better, for a moment. As in death, all victories vanishes into nothingness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek victory during debates and arguments just to feel good about myself, wanting to crush others, so I can remain the victor. Not realizing, I am as life here to support another as me. life gives, life supports, life doesn’t score victories over others. 

When and as I see myself to getting ready to punch the victory knockout, I stop I breathe. I realize that there are no winners in this reality, as all is me. I direct myself to breathe and remain as breath and not go into war with another. I direct myself to support another as myself by remaining here as breath. I direct myself to support another as myself by NOT participating in war, instead I direct myself to breathe and avoid any battles.

When and as I see myself looking to score a point, I stop , I breathe, in realizing, I cannot score against anyone, as ALL are ME. No point in seeking victory over others, so might as well support others as me by directing myself to breathe and remain here as a physical being.

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